by Big Tex 32 Replies latest members private
(((((((((((Chris)))))))))))))
My heart is aching and my throat is swollen with trying not to cry here at work.
We may not believe the same beliefs, but I believe that one day, he will pay for this. One day, he have to account for his actions. One day he will experience all the harm he's done in others lives.
And one day you will be rewarded for your courage and strength. More than your mind can imagine!
You are a true soldier Chris. I admire you greatly!
Andi
(((((((((((BigTex))))))))))))))
i am at a loss for words. how anyone could stand by and let that happen to a child is beyond my comprehension. he would be one dead son of a bitch after i got done with him.
someone should have protected you. i'm so sorry.
love, riz
I first posted this story on Lamb's Roar and I've been struggling for some time whether or not I should post here or not. I was, and am, very concerned over how it would affect the reader. This was the first story I ever wrote and I wrote it with an eye towards those who have not experienced abuse. Child abuse is not some slinky, sexy teenage nymph named Lolita who seduces an unwilling older man. Real child abuse is frightening. It is nasty. It is painful. It is shocking. And it is humiliating.
I would like anyone who was lucky enough to grow up without this horror in their lives to remember this story the next time the words "child abuse" are used. What happened to me is as nothing compared to others. I had at least 4 different rapists; there may be more but I stopped counting. I was lucky enough that my abuse stopped when I was 5. My family was literally run out of town (that's a whole different story), and my father no longer found me sexually attractive enough for him. So the rest of my childhood was spent being ignored. I lived in my mind and made up fantasies and stories. That's probably why I was so willing to believe Jehovah's Witnesses. They told me one day, magically, everything would be better and we wold all live happily ever after; just like a fairy tale.
I'd like to write a book. I've still got so many "no talk" rules from my family that it is difficult. Discussion boards like this one have helped me so much in overcoming that. When I talk about what happened, I can almost hear those old family rules break. That's why I am so thankful for a forum such as this. I've got the book written in my head, we'll see if I can conquer one more barrier and get it down on paper.
U_R
Why does the non-offending parent stand by? I think it's fear. If they know, the fear is that they will be hurt physically or even killed. If they don't know, it's because they don't WANT to know. The dynamic is very similar to elders' reaction to child abuse. No one wants to know about it because it is so hideous and so awful that it frightens most people and so they would rather turn a blind eye than have the courage to face it head on.
Speaking as a father, I cannot imagine ever thinking like that. I've been up at the school many times when my children have reported the teacher, or another student, looked cross-eyed at them. I cannot imagine the damage I would do to someone if they really hurt my children. I pray to God I'm never in that position.
Thank you all for responding. It means a lot.
Peace,
Chris
Chris..........words fail me now.......but my heart doesn't. (((((((((((((((((((((Chris))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((Chris)))))))))))))))))))))))
All I can say is WOW.!
I really can't think of anything else to say.
I do agree you should write a book, that was VERY moving!!! I am glad you warned me first last night, I am glad you posted it.
Chris.
I dont know what to say.
Take care,
Rich.
((((((Chris)))))) For anyone who was lucky enough not to have been abused, your account of your past is vivid enough to make them understand the pain, and the confusion that the abused has experienced.
Why does the non-offending parent stand by? I think it's fear. If they know, the fear is that they will be hurt physically or even killed.
I would die for my daughter.
I feel that anyone who knowingly stands by and refuses to do anything is just as guilty in the abuse. That includes any elders who would prefer to sweep things under the carpet rather then to admit that something horrible has happened in their midst, that it would bring reproach on the name of their religion. I can understand imperfection and that there are going to be problems because of it. The reproach is in covering it up as if it never happened.
Just reading this was traumatic. I can not imagine what it must have been like for a child to actually live through it. You express in words very well. How wonderful you can release these deep memories and feelings; and how wonderful that there are so many compassionate people here to listen and care. JamesT
I am so moved by your words. As a silent victim of sexual abuse, I do understand the pain one endures not only from being abused, but also from the silence. I have been able to reconcile many of my own feelings; but I do feel guilty that by not making the abuse public; it only continues the cycle of abuse that the abuser afflicts upon others. I admire your honesty and hope that you find peace in your heart.
I only found out recently that my father was abused by a "man of the cloth" when he was young. My dad has always had an edge, a bitterness to him that finally makes sense to me. My stepmom says he wakes up some nights in a sweat, and refuses to talk to her about it.
My dad is in his sixties now.
Big_Tex, by dragging this monster out of the closet and exposing it to the light of day, you take away a bit of its power.
No one wants to know about it because it is so hideous and so awful that it frightens most people and so they would rather turn a blind eye than have the courage to face it head on.
That is so true, and shows you have spent a lot of time thinking about the motives of abusers, survivors, and the adults who stand by. I stayed with my physically abusive husband far too long (three years). I often thought too much civilization hurts us, because I too, felt paralyzed in to inaction at times. I just could not believe a person could be that vicious. If I spoke up, fought back, screamed, did something, the abuser might even do something worse. I did finally have the courage to quietly sneak away in the night.
I said sayonara to that old life. And good riddance.
