Fading with Confidence

by gone for good 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • gone for good
    gone for good

    Abandoning a damaging cult is not a crime, in fact it might be viewed as a moral imperative given the levels of abuse awaiting those surrendering to its teachings and worse –its "ecclesiastic authority".

    It has always seemed counter productive to inform potential enemies when your life´s goals now conflict with their rigid agendas. Disassociation letters and manifestos may be cathartic in the writing, but the outcome is a 100% certainty because of the inflexibility and lack of caring by the very group it is delivered to.

    "Fading" from under "high control" seems an oxymoronic risk at best, and currently faders walk on eggshells and look over their shoulders for years during and after the attempt - fearful that the price of their freedom will be the destruction of their friendships and family ties.

    Perhaps a peculiar additional preparation to a fade can reverse the balance of power – and high control cults are all about power.


    Bear in mind: -

    - that you have a legally established right to abandon any religion, any time, without coercion or interference,(or even an explanation)

    - that an individuals basic Human Rights are valued and protected by law far more vigorously than any cults right to enforce conformity or persecution.

    - that you may/will be subject to ecclesiastic authority as long as you willingly participate/consent to such as a condition of membership.(Shepherding book)

    -that membership/participation in religion is a wholly voluntary endeavor as contrasted with a contractual obligation,(example employment by the religion). Baptism is not a contract.

    - that a churches ecclesiastic authority cannot be invoked upon former members who left in good standing (ie .not leaving legitimate moral or legal issues needing to be dealt with)


    Faders can be happy that WT lied on JUU.ORG when they asked the question “Are Former Members Shunned ? … they went straight to devious misdirection to be able to reply “…are not shunned.” The second paragraph insinuates (lies) that all who are disfellowshipped/shunned have committed wrong doing. Both paragraphs glare intellectual dishonesty.

    This level of deceit suggests that WT is ashamed of the truthful answer (who wouldn´t be?), and, more importantly –so afraid of legal action or a human rights challenge that they deliberately lie about their own ecclesiastic policy.

    Their policy is of course as insane as all the other Theocracies infecting the world,- that those who can no longer stomach the myriad injustices of religious hypocrites are deserving of death.

    WTs trouble is that this policy is in direct opposition to human rights freedoms that have been legislated into law in many democracies. Apostasy is a cherished human right, not a crime and certainly no sin when fleeing ignorant, abusive zealots..

    What has this got to do with preparing to launch a successful fade?

    Imagine embarking on your fade with a trump ace up the sleeve - some legal assurance that no judicial proceedings could be forthcoming to jeopardize or penalize your liberties.

    Since to fade is to risk interference from elders why not establish your own, known, eventual outcome (Freedom of religion) right at the outset and then “fade” from that position of knowledge and protection.

    The danger with all fades so far, has been that you are doing it as a JW and can fully expect to be disfellowshiped if even the smallest circumstance goes wrong…

    What if you had already quietly, effectively and deliberately- abandoned the entire religion before you peacefully and publicly fade to whatever level of freedom suits your situation?

    What if your fade progressed from day one, as a person no longer subject to anyone´s “ecclesiastic authority”? … as a person who has already exercised their rights to freedoms of thought, association and beliefs ?... as a person already one big legal step ahead of the hounders?

    The essence of Quitting Quietly as a prelude to fading is simple – write (email is better) and file a dated letter with a trusted friend (doctor, therapist, lawyer, relative, friend) - anyone who might understand the sort of damages cults insidiously inflict .

    Your email will record the date, important as your letter states your position from that time forward. (Emails still available on the servers are acceptable as legal documents).

    If your letter makes abundantly clear that you are through with the religion, the hierarchy, the .org, the hamster wheel etc. etc.., you are now free to attend the meetings as a non-JW !

    Go ahead, sit with your family, talk with your friends, enjoy seeing the grandkids as often as you like – or skip a meeting or three, read a good book while others around you parrot WT rot,.

    And of course, never stop repeating with happy conviction “ No thanks.. I´m fine, just fine…I´ll let you know (never) if I need anything.”

    You can´t be Df´d because you are no longer subject to ecclesiastic authority, and because you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

    Enjoy your fade,

  • scratchme1010
    "Fading" from under "high control" seems an oxymoronic risk at best, and currently faders walk on eggshells and look over their shoulders for years during and after the attempt - fearful that the price of their freedom will be the destruction of their friendships and family ties.

    Thanks for your words, but for the gazillionth time: Where do people get that fading is what you describe?

    And please don't forget that your brainwashed still-in JW family will make your life miserable by using any scheme possible to make you stay in a relationship with them (in their terms, of course). Even the best intended, kind hearted JWs still want to have the last word.

    Fading is not a graceful process. Your mindset must change, as you describe, but if you only do that you're completely ignoring the main things that makes the WT a cult.

    How about in addition to all you write (which has 100% validity, in my opinion), you also educate yourself about what these groups do and how they operate? How about building a true life outside them so you have support, people you can count on, a support system, so they have no ammunition when they shun you?

    Confidence can only take you so far. You need support, other people, and accept that your life and your family relationships (with those who remain JWs) will change and/or will never be the same.

    If you are a person who was born in that organization, the work is harder since one has to learn a lot more about "the world". There certainly is a lot more to the story.

  • venus

    When they are so callous to the extent of demonizing those who disagree with them, there is no need to be sensitive to JW sensibilities. When you realize something is a waste, make an appropriate response and never bother about it any more.

  • freddo

    GfG - I was with you until your last sentence ...

    "You can´t be Df´d because you are no longer subject to ecclesiastic authority, and because you have done absolutely nothing wrong."

    But your clandestine letter does absolutely nothing to stop the local goons (with the branch goons hands up their derrieres) DF'ing you when you do something against JW standards as interpreted by them.

    You might shrug and ignore but sadly the vast majority of your still in family will ignore (you) and shrug (at your attempts to have a relationship with them).

  • slimboyfat

    There may be technical ways to avoid DFing, but as I discovered not so easy to avoid shunning altogether. If elders can’t DF they can just label you bad association informally anyway and it has a similar effect.

  • Phizzy

    And if you ever produce your Letter/E-mail, they will say you have Dis-associated.

    Then all your family, "friends, etc will shun youanyway.

    There is no way to leave this Cult with Honour, they make sure of that, and it is difficult to Fade, plus, if you simply Fade, they can in fact DF/DA you at any time, as you have not done it for yourself.

    I like your thinking though, that if it comes to a threatened J.C, the Document could stop them doing anything official, as you can say, "If I hear anything derogatory is said about me, or people are told to shun me, I will Sue your fat Ass off ! "

  • dubstepped

    They will do what they want. People keep making things up to try to feel powerful in the situation. If you want to fade, just do it knowing the repercussions. If you want to disassociate, the same applies. If being disfellowshipped is your thing, do that. These made up workarounds are typically the product of desperation and ego, trying to control others. Just do you. If you think threatening with lawsuits will work, go for it, just know that you likely have little true legal recourse and they may cower or may call you on it.

  • stuckinarut2

    Very good post!

    I will take several points from it!


  • Vanderhoven7

    Certainly they can't fire you if you slready quit. I actually told that to my boss as a teen. Never darkened that company door again.

  • Della Street
    Della Street

    I have successfully faded. People are polite but I am not included in anything. So, shunned, yes. But as I told my mom, the same people who talked to me when I went to meeting talk to me now, so what is the difference?

    If they want to hunt me down and disfellowship me, fine. But I will not disassociate because that is giving them authority over me they do not have the right to have.

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