Armegeddon -This is how I'm afraid it will go
Why allow yourself to think like that? It's because you've been conditioned for years to have these views. Just go back to the meetings and you'll feel all better.....NOT! Don't be guilty for the internet. Remember there's only 1 group that says the net is bad....Guess who? God won't have this discussion with you either. The Devil might, though.....Seriously, RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH everything before you condemn yourself. Stop downing yourself, Beryl.
You're being silly.
You've sat around the campfire listening to scarey stories too long, and now you are frightened when you close your eyes and see the big shadow cast by a sock puppet - a fabrication of some old coots in Brooklyn who get their rocks off by frightening people like you and setting themselves up as spiritual authorities.
Look carefully, and you will see the sock puppet only moves and speaks when the old boys make it speak. They aren't even good ventriloquists - you can see their lips moving.
Get a grip. There is real life, and there is the imaginary world ruled by a sock puppet with an old man's arm up his ass.
Hi Berylblue (or should I call you Sapphire?), When I read your posts I sense your dilemma is that your heart simply can not love a god that will kill you if you don't. Honestly, it's humanly impossible for you isn't it. Then, there is your mind with it's deep and haunting JW programming; which says you must love their vengeful and murderous idea of God -- and show it by being one of them (His chosen) -- or you will surely die. What a torn and agonizing place to be in. The mind was not meant to be our ruler and guide. It's a tool only. There is a deeper wisdom and intelligence than the mind. If you truly want peace, I suggest you start looking deeper into yourself than you ever have before. See that your thoughts are just thoughts; passing clouds, and not truth and reality. Truth, is deeper within you. More intimate. What is it that watches the thoughts? What is it that witnesses the feelings and sensations of the body? Feelings that are often the body's reaction to thoughts and so closely linked they are one in the same. Rediscover within you, that which is untouched by what goes on around it. That, which is pristine and at peace. Rediscover yourself and come to know God -- aright.