Making the break (page 2)

bikerchic

(((((((Gracie)))))))

My heart goes out to you and your family and yes I mean your son and husband too. They are the innocent ones in this, sorry hun but I can't go along with you wanting to leave the father of your son just because you made a bad choice in marring his father. What happened to honor, to vows do they mean nothing? Those vows are for the future to protect children so they can have a complete family, both parents who will love and nurture them.

Sometimes we just have to get outside of ourselves and think of others, IMHO a child deserves TWO parents. If you don't "love" his father please find a way to make a happy home for his son and don't have more children.

You mentioned loving your parents and not wanting to do without them now, think of how a young child would feel to be torn from his parents. He had no choice in the outcome of your marriage but you do have choices to make now that will affect him and he needs you to make the right ones in his regard. Ask yourself how life would have been for you without a full time father? Or mother, you may not get full custody of him?

As far as the religion goes.........sounds like it's not in your heart, I suggest a slow fade. Be a part time JW but please be a full time parent!

I just think it's so sad that people will chuck a relationship because they aren't maddly in love, don't have things in common, don't feel loved, sheese these are all feelings that come and go in relationships all the time. Marriage isn't for the weak of heart, but it can make you very strong if you hang in there.

Best regards,

Katie

Lost Diamond

I hope I don't sound too harsh, but I speak from experience. What if there is verbal abuse in the marriage? Children do not always know this is going on, if the parents are wise enough not to express this type of behavior in front of their children. Children think mommy and daddy are happy, but they don't know that mommy is dying inside...her sprit is being shattered. This will make their mother a "zombie", and impossible for a mother to function in a normal, healthy way. Children do not deserve a zombie for a mother. They deserve to live in a positive and happy environment, with peace. If there is no love between their parents, I just don't see how this could be. This goes for households where there is no abuse.....there is still no love. Without love, there can't be harmony. There is constant discontent and sadness.

Children pick up on the vibes that are present in the household and the marriage. They feel what's going on, even if they don't witness the disharmony. I strongly believe this is not fair to the children. They much rather see their mom and dad happy, even if it means the parents live in different homes. The parent's attitude has a lot to do with the happiness and well being of the children.

I just can't agree with "stay for the children's sake".

garybuss

Hi Gracie, Are there children involved? If so, whose? Just trying to fill in the blanks . . . . gary

bikerchic

Lost Diamond said:

I just can't agree with "stay for the children's sake".

I wouldn't recomend it either LD, especially if there is any kind of abuse. You teach children what you live. You can learn to be loving even in a difficult situation, one that might have been brought on by marring for the wrong reasons or as a typical JW marriage too young in the first place.

All this belief in "I WANT TO BE HAPPY" crap.......is just that a load of crap! Happiness comes from within........it's an inside job. I've lived it I know it can be done and no it's not easy, but it's worth every bit of effort you put into it. But then all is moot if there is abuse, I agree with that.

Children depend on their parents to make the right decisions for them. I bet if you asked her little boy if he wanted to have his Dad only on every other weekend and a few smathered holidays inbetween, or all the time everyday he would say the later. No one asks the kids though......."THEY JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY" regardless.

Katie

Big Tex

So here I am. At the crossroads. Keep the peace and keep my friends and family or make the break, get disfellowshipped and get shunned by everyone I know!

If I speak I am condemned
If I stay silent I am damned
Who am I?

Jean Valjean -- Les Miserables

Listen to your heart and you'll never go wrong. We are all responsible to God for our actions. Make your life and your actions based on your decisions and not to please others. If you live a life based on trying to please other people, you will look back on your life with bitterness and regret. My father in law once told me, "Do you know what it's like to be at the end of your life knowing you spent 54 years with the wrong woman?"

Make your life your own. Decide what you want out of life and then do it. I believe in a God who lets us color outside the lines once in a while.

Good luck.

wednesday

oh big tex, i feel exactly like that. and i do love the music for les mes.

Big Tex

So who are you Wednesday? Which way will you go?

In the story Valjean faces the choice of revealing himself to save an innocent man, or going back to prison. Tough choice, isn't it?

How can I ever face my God again
How can I ever face myself again

nowisee

i was there too. i existed in darkness for years just feeling trapped. how in the world could i change this situation. finally i left and a huge weight was lifted. even though it meant leaving everything, my whole frame of reference, my world. i never looked back. i often think that if i had had children i might have stayed. but if i had stayed i don't think i would have survived.

may you find your way....

nowisee

Lost Diamond

Nowisee,

That's exactly the feeling I'm talking about. It really makes me sad to think of people having to live so unhappily. Children grow up believing that it is normal way to feel this way....hell, even children that are abused will stick up for Mom and Dad. It's just not healthy.

Making the break

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