I feel like I am going crazy at times ...
Good evening ,
I feel like I am going crazy - it’s so hard not being able to talk to the ones I love about how I really feel - meaning the “ truth “ is a big lie and a big waste of time. It’s so weird - I can’t talk to my wife , or kids about how I really feel and it’s causing me probalms that I recognize. I am holding back as I know if I come clean I will loose so many people , family , etc, But I can’t take it too much longer - it’s already dragged on way too long. Thanks for listening - this is my only outlet. If someone has had a similar path please give me your thoughts.
Thanks so much
Its tough at first but the best way is just to fade, if someone asks just tell them your having hard time believing it anymore but do not go in deep detail about anything,
they will ask to be sure, you dont have to answer and you shouldn't otherwise apostate alarm bells will go off in their heads
take care and go slowwww
I understand the feelings. I can only say that at first, it is or can be difficult but it gets better. Being firm on your position might attract appreciation from your family (children) and others eventually. Some might not say that ever but I know for a fact that it is. So keep faith in yourself. Build up faith in your own qualities. I know from experience that the WT makes one feel very weak or insecure, like one cannot live without them. I have been out for some years now and have regained much of my natural sense of self confidence. A very nice feeling and a quality needed to help others.
Hang in there.
I wish I could do something other than send you a virtual hug. Others on here will be able to give you good advice.
Ive been reading your other posts. You are really having a tough time and my heart goes out to you.
hang on in there if you can. Waking up is such a painful, traumatic process. A massive shock to the system. Be patient and try to wake up your family slowly and gently. I was baptised 52 years and I woke up. My husband couldn't believe it, he'd been trying for 20 years to wake me up.
we're thinking of you.
As you will have discovered on the path to your current situation - there is no easy answer. I have been stuck in a very similar scenario for many years and at times have felt desperate. I try to see the situation as one that can be for learning, I have learned how to show compassion and tolerance. I also have had time to look at the consequences of the years invested in a high control group and not just to run away or avoid learning from this. I too would to have more peace and less feelings of going crazy.
They have the right to do what they like—as you appreciate your right to do what you like. Surrounding tries to turn us into something we are not which we may feel as strange. But we can make this situation itself into an accomplishment: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson). Me and my twin sister are in two different extreme as far as our beliefs are concerned—yet we live in harmony because we have decided not to comment on each other’s beliefs. I even go a step further—I do not even think about her beliefs. Beliefs are food to the mind. You can live together just like family members who are mixed—vegetarian and non-vegetarian.
I want to thank everyone for your thoughts. I am completely open for my wife to believe and choose what she believes and practices- I think this is true love and respect. Unfortunately that is not rescipricated in any fashion, people have read my other posts- she was raised by a perfectionist JW parent , seriously. Her tendency is to be very demeaning - I have set boundaries- but she does not respect me at all in word or action. She is unable to recognize me as a separate person with different beliefs- that is healthy. I guess in a nutshell I have recognized that I am - fading from an abusive cult - and in a emotionally and spiritually abusive relationship all at the same time. It’s sad and it’s allot to handle- The hard part is that this has been a very long time coming so it’s not new - probabaly 10 years or so- Her family is so judgmental of others and very tough spiritually so I cannot imagine that she would be accepted as a fader - so we are at an impasse. I just will say that spiritual abuse may be the worst non physical as it’s done under the giuse of Love -but it’s so far from love.
How old are your kids ?
I am in the same situation. There are times I feel like screaming and smashing plates just to see if she will say something other than a wt cliché.
Its beautiful late summer day today. I asked we go for a drive so we did she must have said about 5 words the entire time and she gets all heated and jealous when I talk to other folk or the staff in a coffee shop who know me byname.
Yes I am with you.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!
Our kids are 6, 9 and 11 years old