help me to readjust my thinking about my hypocritical ex....

by losingit 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Finkelstein

  Religion is a source of power and control for men and as for Christianity, its a white wash to cover over their misdeeds, which usually involves getting their own way without respect or detrimental consequences toward others.

  These are the tangible components to why men gravitate to religion, even when these religions flourish in ignorance and intellectual dishonesty.

  Woman in many of these social religious environments are made subjectively subservient to males, controlled to be less educated and have little prominence in relationships.

  Misogyny is the name of the game and you can certainly see that within the JWS religion.
  
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  Daniel1555

  I also recently got divorced.

  The only advice I can give you. Don't concentrate on these matters that he does in his personal life now. As you are separated or divorced concentrate on YOUR life and things that make YOU AND YOUR GIRLS happy. Don't feel miserable about the things he does in his life, because this is not your life anymore.

  Maybe with time passing you can at least be friendly to each other.

  I would say be happy that he could leave the jw thinking and that he can enjoy his life outside of the watchtower. This way your girls can also benefit as they can spend time with a happy dad and that they will not be indoctrinated when they are with him.

  Why didn't he act like that when he was with you?

  Maybe because like you he was also a Watchtower victim.

  But the most important advice I can give you. In front of your girls speak positive about their father and strengthen their bond with him.
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  Oubliette

  LosingIt: I don't know what to say.

  My ex-wife did many of the same things. When we were together, she wouldn't do anything that would bring us closer together: hiking, dancing, visiting family, going to a counselor, spending time with non-JW family.

  Then, as soon as I left her she immediately started doing ALL of these things. Go figure. They are way fucked up people.

  The only difference between my ex and yours is she is still in the cult.

  Did I mention how fucked up she is?

  You have to live your own life and live it well. Not for revenge, but for yourself.

  Congrats on your Master's degree. I just got mine this last summer! I'm making more money, but more importantly: I'm enjoying my life and my work now more than ever!

  Let's review: It's a cult!
  
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  whathappened

  Your exhusband sounds like a jackass! Put him behind you, where he belongs and move on!!!
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  LisaRose

  I don't know why he refused to do things with you that he now does by himself, but this religion does strange things to people. You often get this dynamic when people are struggling with the harsh requirements of JW life, hot one day, cold the next as the cult personality waxes and wanes. Maybe you wanting to do things outside of the religion aroused his cult mind control and he wasn't ready to go there yet. Maybe he wanted you to be the good little JW wife so he could be the bad boy. Maybe he is a narcissistic, selfish jerk who cares nothing about anyone but himself. hard to say, maybe he doesn't even know

  For whatever reason he has abandoned all restrictions and is now doing whatever he feels like without the burdens of marriage and fatherhood. Even though you are loney you are better off without him, trust me on that. You can now meet someone without the JW baggage. But don't be in a hurry, focus on your children and your job, figure out who you are, then you will know what you want in a partner.