This post hopefully will get you thinking about therapy, along with good mental and emotional health if you are dealing with the traumatic choices associated with leaving JW's, or if you are considering leaving. Because it is a trauma.
Imagine a married couple in their late 30's. Because they took last weeks Watchtower seriously, they have decided to talk to an elder in their congregation because they have practiced oral sex on each other, and feel a need to confess and get "spiritual help."
And the elders in your congregation? Two single MTS grads, and an elder in his late 20's, who just got married last year. These are the spiritual doctors who will use the
cult teachings from the Watchtower Bible to help nurse you back to spiritual health and a right relationship with the big guy upstairs. Just after they ask all kinds of personal detailed questions about which position you were engaged in as you were engaged in this unclean practice.
YUCK! No one in their right mind would choose to discuss such things with such unqualified people unless made to think they had to please someone. The cult destroys healthy boundaries, and allows the penetration of idiot thoughts as those appropriate boundaries are machine gunned away at every cult meeting you attend.
And it illustrates a real issue many who leave should learn to deal with. Many of us never learned what appropriate boundaries really are. We are so used to having to answer to big brother, it can cause you to not know who to talk to or share things. It can cause you to behave in a co-dependent manner. To either be abusive yourself, or to over share and sabotage potentially healthy relationships you need.
Now, some JWs do have a semblance of boundaries. I had some on occasion. I guess looking back, if I took the whole bullshit seriously, I should have gone to the elders and let them know I watched some R rated stuff on TV. Or other things (that frankly are none of your business either gentle reader) and that was for me. Certainly, reading this website and other books was a boundary I kept for myself that I will never regret. TTATT is huge!
At least I kept something for myself. That's how I was able to leave. In my recovery, I have learned from therapy and education that we should all have healthy boundaries in our life. Our stories are important to own and share, yet, people need to earn the right to hear our story. It's not just for general consumption. And you can and should be choosy about the people in your life. The healthiest people usually are picky about that, for good reason.
Recovery means learning who we are, and setting healthy boundaries. The people in our lives should be healthy for us first. Even if we care about them, if they are not good for us, you should limit your time with them. And unfortunately, that includes many JW relatives.
Good fences make good neighbors. I get that now. Not having proper boundaries is a residue that most of us will have to deal with on the way to a better life. If you are having problems with this, get some therapy. It will help immensely.