Does Everybody turn our okay after leaving?

by Scooby 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scooby

    I am curious... Do you know some that have left the truth that become "worse" people? For years I would hear about some who left the truth and rumours how they are on drugs, in jail, etc. etc. AND many bros and sis would say, "You might as well go out in the world and do ALL the bad stuff..cuz you're dead at Armaggedon!"

    I know my husband feels this way as he just stopped going to meetings. I am worried that some do NOT seek outside help and just live in what I call a post-JW "suicidal lifestyle".

    Do you know anyone like that? Or do most cope eventually in a healthy way?

  • Sentinel

    To the degree that one is apart of something, that is the degree to which they will be affected by it's abscence. Some of us just pick ourselves up, and move on, while, others are emotionally distressed to the point of suicide. Our cognition of the world around us and our genetic makeup has a lot to do with how we face life's issues. A quick fix for life's problems will never solve the underlying cause, which could affect us in so many negative ways. It takes some effort on our part to control our destiny on a better path. Unfortunately, some buy into the labeling and it causes them to go down a path that only serves to bring them more pain and heartache. No one makes us go down those paths. We do it to ourselves, sometimes because we feel we need to be punnished. Some of us are truly lost, without a foundation, and we just are like the wind, blown here and there. I believe we owe it to ourselves to get professional help if we find ourselves unable to manage our emotions.

  • calamityjane

    I'm sure some people feel like that, I guess it all depends on how that person has left the organization and the state of mind they left in.

    I'm sorry your husband feels that way, but unlike your husband I left because I knew I was better than the backstabbing, lying, cheating, no good for nothing, gossiping losers that they are, who are placed on pedestals to believe that they are "IT" because they go out in service and get their 10 hours worth of glory to put on a piece of paper. I saw too much hypocrisy there.

    But I believe I've become a better person and a better neighbour, I'll do things for people because there is no alterior motive behind it. (like maybe I'll convert this person). I do nice things because I want to and it feels good

    P.S. Its boards like this that help us and confirm our feelings, as we realize we're not alone. It would really be nice to get your hubby onto the board. If he dosen't , print out some interesting posts on the board to bring to his attention that might relate to him. You never know

  • mouthy

    Well in my opinion -it is up to the individual. I have had a support group which I found -that many left the WT & went wild for awhile ( tried all the things that we were advised NOT to do) but after trying them- they found other Ex JW & made friends & stopped all the" dopey" things they were doing.When you have been under- mind control for so long -one has to ramble through the wilderness for awhile- I dont know any-- who walked away with no damage to themselves. I am sorry if I am being unkind but I truly believe we are damaged goods when the Borg has "made us over" . Here I go again. But my advice is to pray for the one your worried about.. I do believe "MORE THINGS ARE WROUGHT BY PRAYER THAN THIS WORLD DREAMS"

  • Liberty

    Hi Scooby,

    This sounds like another myth from the lie factory known as the Watch Tower Society. I think the majority of JWs leave for reasons other than wanting to become big sinners. Most exJWs got that way because they were interested in the truth and after a few years we found out that the truth was in short supply throughout Watch Tower land. The lack of real agape' love once you are fully initiated into the cult is another big reason for leaving. Perminently leaving the Society for the sole purpose of living an immoral lifestyle would be very rare I'm guessing since most people DFed simply for immorality seek reinstatement.

  • NameWithheld

    I think that the JW myth is that this is true - anyone leaving turns instantly into little Satan the Devils. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll. I think that this is true of many, which helps feed the myth. A lot of times people do just go crazy after being under so much guilt and mental pressure for so long, and when they do finally 'snap' they go out and try everything they think that they have been missing. And often make a worse mess of their lives, feeding the 'return' cycle whereby after totally crapping up their lives they think 'how good it was' being a JW.

    Those that break the cycle, and free themselves mentally, often find that their lives improve drastically. A huge part is simply not living under constant guilt and fear of god/death, which I think contributes to a large portion of the JW mental problems.


    Hi Scooby. Well, there are those that are prone to lowering themselves on to the downward spiral.

    As Mouthy indicated, we do carry some baggage from our experience as a JW. It takes time for us to adjust to non-JW thinking.

    Yes, there are those that went a bit overboard after leaving the organization. Sort of purging themselves. It serves its purpose, but it is not particularly unique to the XJWs alone. But it's there, and for some, they never relinquish their JW mindset, and sit in constant wait and worry. Very sad indeed .

    I do remember one XJW, he's been inactive (I am guessing) for more than 10 years. He will remain nameless to protect his identity, although personally I find him to be a prick...but that's another story. He was raised a dub from what I remember; moved into the big city, and was a manager or part of management at a gay bar here in the city. Despite his present life situation, I believe he'll still defends the JWs to this day. But I think he has Armageddonitis.

    Live as much sin and debauchery before you are killed at Armageddon mindset.

    Takes time. For some, they'll never let go...and be in a state of limbo (for lack of a better term). Sort of one foot in - one foot out. If they have believing family, I know that this complicates matters greatly.

    It's an individual thing, but overall, time is the healer here. Some will live for better or for worse.

    Overall, I'd say they eventually live better, and definitely freer.

  • jschwehm

    With groups like the JWs you can never win. If someone leaves the JWs and leads a life of sin, then they are condemned because of their "loose" living. If someone leaves the JWs and leads a good upstanding life with lots of friends and family, then Satan is rewarding them with the comforts of this world for leaving the JWs. I have heard JWs make these kinds of comments about people who leave and turn out leading either in a life of trouble or a good life. Simply stated in the mind of an active JW, there is no honorable reason to leave the JWs.

    Jeff S.

  • BadJerry

    I think that everyone will go through stages when they leave, teens or adults may become rebellious and try everything they can only to realize later in life how you spend the first 30 plus years of your life affects the remaining 30 plus years you have left.

    I know of people who have gone through councilling and others who try to make it on their own or at least having some support network. And I think people need that.

    We weren't brought up in the WTS, so what we did before was a different time and I wouldn't go backwards. Our sons are still the same individuals that they always were only now having a broader spectrum in life.

    I still feel We all have someone to answer to so I hope your hubby can talk to someone, he probably has a lot of pent up anger and needs to find avenues to let it out other than self destruction.

    from imanaliento because I still can't post using my ID yet until Simon get it sorted out.

  • Elsewhere

    When you rip away a persons family and social support system, bad things are bound to happen.

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