Cirencester Congregation UK: My story

by erbie 38 Replies latest jw experiences

  • snugglebunny

    I'm afraid that many couples who leave the JW's will indulge in "flings". One or both parties may be tempted. My ex and I both indulged ourselves disgracefully when we left. The problem is the old forbidden fruit maxim, plus one's reason for not having an affair while a JW is the fear of disfellowshipping.

    Once you're out it takes time for one's own real sense of morality to take the place of the WT brainwashing that we mistook for right behaviour. Some couples do survive and stay married, but I get the impression that the majority will split up. It's only when you're out that you start to mature and grow emotionally. I went through my adolescence in my late 20's!

  • Rainbow_Troll

    I have never been able to understand why infidelity is so damaging to a marriage, but I'm sorry you had to go through that. Though it sounds to me like maybe she just needed an excuse to cheat and would have done it in any case. That she cheated with so many men suggests that it had nothing to do with you; she's just incapable of a sustained monogamous relationship. I strongly suspect that wasn't her first fling with her cousin, as in my experience those types of relationships start early in life when they happen at all.

  • dubstepped

    I think it's great that you finally shared your story. To me that's the beginning of healing. I'm so sorry you went through that. The good news is that you're awake now and can find a life authentic to you rather than by default. Things are looking up Erbie.

  • blondie

    This question popped into my brain immediately, erbie. Your wife knew that you left at the same time she did, right? That neither you or her could have been there when this supposedly happened. I doesn't seem she stuck up for you, did she give a reason why?

    I had a family member not stick up for me who knew I could not be guilty of what I was accused of. They said they had to stick with their spouse on this. It lead to my being shunned by that couple for 40 years ongoing. That family member said that in front of 2 other family members. All I can say is the family member who did not support me, has had a miserable life and occasionally even calls when drunk when their spouse is out of town to try and cry on my shoulder. My spouse jumps in and tells them to get lost, they made their "bed" lie in it.

    Having children involved is hard and painful. Nothing you did caused her to choose the life she has. And if she says you do, she has an even bigger problem. Just love your children and try not to draw them into this emotional crevasse.

    Thanks for sharing with us. A pain shared can be a pain halved.

    Love, Blondie

  • Hecce

    A very impressive story, as some others suggested it will be very easy for the locals to figure out your identity. At sometime in the future it is very likely that you will be called by the elders to clarify your remarks here, just be ready.

  • erbie

    I don't think they would contact me Hecce.

    It is all finished as far as I'm concerned and I have not the slightest regard for any authority they may think they have.

  • snowbird


    Do not subject yourself to them.


  • StephenMyers

    Thanks for your story it was very well written. I could identify a lot with it.

  • steve2

    Thanks for your response to my comment, erbie. Yours is a sad example of how quickly "trouble" can arise in a congregation despite your best efforts because individuals - and with elders backing - are so quick to judge and blame others - and they don't even bother to take the time to hear the "other side". Your ex-father-in-law sounds like a pathetic SOB.

    It sounds like you have moved on - and at the same time, by recounting what you've been through it can strengthen and empower your resolve. Best, steve.

  • erbie

    Cheers steve2. It can take a while for some of us to move on but it really can be a eureka moment when we finally do. Not believing the lies is only half the battle and can mark the very beginning of the journey. I'm just so glad that I managed to get my kids out of the cult; their freedom from it is the greatest gift I could ever have given them.

    To be honest, I really am surprised that the mental and emotional abuse the Jehovah's Witnesses dish out is still legal. I can only hope that it will not be that way for too much longer.

    Very best 👍

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