Even Now, You Haunt Me...

by Garrett 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Garrett
    Garrett

    Even after leaving the organization, it still lurks in the background like a shadow.

    As some of you know, I met a wonderful girl a while ago (which I'm going to need your help with). She is a Catholic and I am open and very respectful of her beliefs. However, I know there will be a time where I will have to tell her that I once was a witness... And to be honest, I'm quite scared of that.

    I don't want things to be ruined between us because of a disgusting cult that I was in. I'm so worried about the day I have to tell her. I was wondering, have any of you had to tell a significant other that you were a witness? How did it go?

  • sparky1
    sparky1
    It went terrible for me. She married someone else and the funny thing was that he wasn't even Catholic.
  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    If being a Witness is in your past I don't see why it should be a problem. It might be embarrassing to admit it but why would she hold it against you?
  • Garrett
    Garrett

    @Sparky1 Thanks for your honesty :)

    @Village Idiot Yes, that's what I keep telling myself. It's just that I have insecurities when it comes to having been a witness. It feels so shameful :/

  • SecretSlaveClass
    SecretSlaveClass
    I've dated women from many religions as well as atheists. When the topic came up it never bothered a single one of them that I was an ex Dub. As VI says, if it's in your past, who gives a shit except other JWs who have something in common? My wife comes from a Catholic family with nuns and priests. What matters is what sort of person you are now. Besides, it's not like you're an ex convict. IMO you're reading way too much into this.
  • talesin
    talesin

    I had a hard time with my in-laws. Though I never returned, my MIL hated the JWS and treated me like garbage - she never trusted that I would not return to the JWS. It was ironic, with her punishing me for being JW, and them shunning me for leaving. The marriage didn't survive, for various reasons, but not being able to 'belong' to my new family certainly played a part in the reasons why I left him.

    I don't think she should care (most RC don't seek to marry in the church nowadays). Don't let fear hold you back!

    All the best,

    tal :sunglasses:

  • _Morpheus
    _Morpheus
    I agree with ssc. This is totally your cult upbringing playing on your fears. She will no more care you were a jw than you care is she catholic. For her it will just be some random trivia question... "Oh yea garett used to be a jw.... Hes also went to highschool at valley high....." Its a big deal only to you :) Take the leap of faith and share it with her just to set your mind at ease. You have to be able to share scarry things to really love each other. She will put you at ease over it and you will feel much better.
  • NeverKnew
    NeverKnew

    Awww, you sound so sweet!

    She won't care.

    Sincerely,

    A non and never been a JW who attended Jewish summer camps, a Presbyterian middle school, a Catholic high school and university, and confirmed Episcopalian (Catholic-Lite) who is now non-denominational

    Until I met my JW boyfriend, I had only a small clue about what a JW was!

    Feel free to message me if you have any questions or you need for me to operate as a translator. 😀

    I'd be happy to help

  • DogGone
    DogGone

    So, I married a nice Catholic lady and I couldn't be happier. Our daughter is the most adorable toddler that has ever existed and we have a boy on the way. Her parents are strongly Catholic, in fact they are members of the Secular Franciscan Order. They are great people and our relationship is strong.

    Happy to chat with you about any of the related issues - marriage, child baptism, meeting the priests, what do do when they chant prayer before dinner, etc.

    If I may be so bold, I fear your biggest problem isn't her, it is your sense of shame, like you have done something wrong. You haven't. You just have a wildly interesting history with a strange religion. Own it, laugh at it, stop being scared of it.

    Everyone knows I used to be a JW. I mention it often. At work I might say, "Well, if I could sell the WatchTower I can easily sell that!" Sometimes I just make a joke like, "When I was in a cult we used to...". The reactions are loads of fun.

    Think of all the awkwardness that came from denying participation in everything as a JW. This is way easier.

    Don't let your own shame sabotage this relationship. I recommend you work on self-acceptance and change the narrative you are playing in your head. When you tell more people and they, astonished, ask you questions about all the stuff you did and you bring up the crazy stuff you believed, you will start to reduce your shame and will realize it is just an experience. It is just what happened.

  • done4good
    done4good

    If she is even a little normal, she will not care at all about your past affiliation. If she does, you are better off without her.

    d4g

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