Coming Out To My JW Sister
Now, I have been mentally "awake" for quite a while, but I'll just say March/April this year. I won't go into detail about what it was that made me "realize" everything, so don't bother asking.
So, I've known for years that I wasn't like most girls in my classes, kingdom hall, and just in general. From a very young age I had that obvious interest in the same sex, but seeing as I was seemingly the only one feeling that way I would brush it off and eventually I started getting interested in guys. I mean, always being told the same spiel of my classmates liking boys and kissing them and such kind of had worn off on me. Then, puberty happened.
Boy oh boy was this a confusing part of my life; hormones raging and new experiences... it was pure mayhem. (It still is mayhem seeing how I'm a teenager and going through this still, but I have to admit it was more intense as a preteen tbh; Life is hella confusing. But, back to the "story") So you could just imagine it, this 11-12 year old girl having a very difficult time putting herself in a label. Around this time, my feelings for the same sex had came back. Was it due to hormones or my changes in critical thinking, I'll never know, but it certainly ate at me for a while. I still had some partial feelings for guys, but anything past the "crush" thing made me uncomfortable if it was a guy; but low and behold, I wanted more than just a simple crush with a girl.
These feelings got so strong that I officially determined I wasn't Bisexual or Pansexual, but that I was Lesbian. (I hate saying Lesbian, I'd rather say "Gay" but I'm unsure why) Now, many people might love to quickly point out, "Oh, you weren't born that way! HAH! I knew it! All you do is choose this sinful and perverted way of thinking and lifestyle!" ~ Well, when you have the media constantly glorifying heterosexual relationships in TV, Movies, and even children's cartoons, you must admit it does condition young children to believe that is the norm. Luckily, we see more positive portraying of LGBT+ things and relationships and all forms of entertainment. However, even if it might have been a total roller coaster with me trying to find out who I was, that doesn't disprove my feelings. People today are sometimes just too quick to disprove something as silly as a person's own feelings, even when they aren't in their shoes.
So fast forward to a few days ago, the day when I came out for the first time to my sister.
Now, I thought very long and hard on how and what to say, or even if I should do it! I had second thoughts but I shook it off and mustered up the little courage I had. My sister had noticed I'd been feeling down, which to be honest I have been down since I'd realized this religion is a cult. She kept asking what was wrong like a loving big sis should, so I told her I'd tell her at home. I had realized she'd be moving out in at least a year, and I needed to make the most of it. Once she'd be out of the house I'd be left with a bratty but adorable little brother and a pain in the ass mom that I still admit I love. So, once we got home I decided to tell her when she was comfortable and able to listen. I said it very bluntly-
She was silent for the longest and most agonizing minute in my life. I was anticipating crying, or maybe her running out the room in shock, but she just sat there. She smiled the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen in my life and said she had an intuition that I was for a while. She hugged me and said for me to give her a little time, but that she would keep it a secret and that she still loved me. I cannot tell you how amazing it was to hear that from her; AND FROM A JW! She never said anything like,"You wont be in the paradise with me." or,"Just know Jehovah doesn't approve.", she just understood. Plus it's not like I'd believe those two phrases anyway. Lol.
So yeah it went pretty great. Any advice I'd like to give to fellow confused ones of their sexuality? Wait until you know for sure and when you're ready, then be smart on who you tell and make sure you trust them! ;3
It sounds like you have a good grasp of your sexuality/identity. As you may know, if you are baptized and living as a gay woman, Witnesses are instructed to cut you off. You don't say in your OP whether you are baptized or not. Either way, I hope your sister will continue to embrace you.
However it turns out, i wish you the best in building and enjoying your life.
Thank you DNCall! I am in fact baptized, unfortunately, and I am aware of the "penalty" for me being me. I hope my sister will still want to support me as well, I have faith in that at least.
You're a really good writer, and I enjoyed reading your post. I'm very happy for you. You came out to your sister, and she responded in a positive way. It is interesting that she suspected you were gay before you even said anything. Sounds like you have a good relationship with her.
Like you, I discovered my sexuality in my teen years. For a time I believed that I was possibly gay. I was in love with my best friend, who was a girl, and I had very strong sexual feelings for her. Now I am married to a man, who I love very much, and I really enjoy sex with him.
Ultimately, I recommend treading carefully with the rest of your family until you are free and clear of them financially speaking. Given your sister's reaction, they are likely a more understanding bunch. Also, I recommend focusing on your future plans--college, trade school, career--before jumping into a serious relationship. I recommend this to all young people irregardless of sexuality.
Hugs to you, Ame.
The only problems that will arise are if you A) Refuse to publicly denounce homosexual acts and B) you ever act on your feelings.
That's the official stance of the religion of love and peace. Unofficially, fellow Witnesses may unnecessarily distance themselves from you.
I cannot see a way to be gay and happy as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm happy to see your sister treat you with love and kindness.
Dear Ame SF, that was the most powerful thing I've read on the forum for a very long time. So happy for you!
Thank you Nicolaou! that warms my heart! :)
Ps. Thank you Heartsafire and truth_b_known for your heartfelt feedback and advice, this community is full of such genuine people!
Plan your escape very carefully...I don't think you'll ever be a dub! Congratulations and big hugs to you.
I second nicolaou sentiments.... You are literally being the change you wish to see in the world.
This is a quote from my favorite movie (V for Vendetta) and helped me sever all guilt about being myself and getting out of the jdub organization...
The actress is talking about integrity.....
"I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An Inch, it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you."
Reading your story gave me the same reaction as when I saw the movie for the first time.
What a beautiful moment between you and your sister Anne.
Thank you for sharing it and I wish you all the best.