Spritual Emptyness

by JH 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  DanTheMan

  JWism filled a void - but what void? A desperate longing for absolute certainty? A narcissistic fear of death and the unknown? An insecure neediness, to feel that somehow we are special and chosen, while the rest of mankind is in darkness?

  Yes, I feel the emptiness too since leaving the JW's. It is the emptiness born of realizing that I am no different from anybody else. That while I have a certain amount of control over my own life, that the vast majority of factors affecting my life are beyond my control. It is hard to articulate exactly why or how, but JWism gave me an illusion of total control. That if I stick with the org, then everything will turn out allright.

  Alcoholism, drug addiction, and religious fundamentalism all serve the purpose of "filling a void" - the void of the unknown. Life is harsh and uncertain, and it was this unpleasant reality that JWism countered with its promises of paradise, promises that never come true, though they are continually presented as coming "any day now".

  Leaving JWism has forced me to see myself for what I am, which is painful indeed. I thought I was so special, that somehow I was more holy than the unenlightened masses. In my own mind, I was the center of the universe (much like Russell, who I identified with strongly when I initially became acquainted with JWism).

  A doctrine insulates the devout not only against the realities around them but also against their own selves. The fanatical believer is not conscious of his envy, malice, pettiness and dishonesty. There is a wall of words between his consciousness and his real self. - Eric Hoffer
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  manon

  Hi JH,

  I can relate to your feelings about this subject. I dedicated my childhood & adolescence to religion and what I believe then was divine.

  When I left the WTBTS I felt spiritually highjacked. I couldn't permit myself to believe, worship, or even pray. Prayer is something that I held to be the most precious and I denied myself. I virtually lived in a black hole.

  Then one day I realized that I missed my sense of spirit. I decided to embark on a quest to find it again. That was a great gift.

  During my journey I've learned many things about myself, religion, truth, and spirit. I am still the student enternally discovering new things.

  One of the hardest things to do was grant myself permission to explore. Give yourself the license to probe. Through awareness and realization we can find the answers to the questions and solutions to the problems. Enlightenment is sacred.

  Manon
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  Shakita

  Gee, LyinEyes, I love your story about the birds!

  It made me think of my Dad. He died a little over a year ago. He loved boating and fishing. It was what he lived for. I have pictures of him in his boat with a fishing rod in his hands, waiting for that next bite. This was his spirituality. My Dad was not a religious man... but, he was a very kind and honest person who loved his family. This is what true spirituality is. It is not something you can find in a building, from another person, or organization. True spiritually comes from the heart....and, I believe, can only be found by being the best person you can be.

  That is why the WTBS will only attract and keep those people who are self centered and worried about their own salvation...........they do not have a spiritual heart.

  Mrs. Shakita
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  Mulan

  I think what you are feeling isn't so much a lack of spirituality as it is a void..........because of being associated with an organization. There is no reason why spirituality wouldn't continue. When a person feels a void, they try to fill it up again..............many go to churches, and just get caught up in the same old same old. (I don't mean they are all the same, or that all the others are cults.............but it's organized religion.........to me it's the same thing)

  When a person gives up sugar, or tobacco or alcohol........there is a tremendous void. You eat popcorn, or nuts, or chew gum, or just overeat, trying to fill that void.

  I don't have the answers for you, but don't necessarily feel you aren't spiritual anymore. For me, I learned I was never spiritual. I worshiped the WTB&TS. I had no god anymore. I got over it.
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  RR

  I agree Mulan, people are so quick to jump out of the fire into the frying pan to just simply fill that void. Although I am now a part of a Bible study group, I did not join them to fill a void I had AFTER I left the WT, I joined them while still IN the WT to fill the void I had. as time went by, I realize that the Society was nothing more than a publishing house and we were their salesmen.

  Such a void can come at anytime and any place.People who hjave it all are said to be depressed or have a void, the main thing is not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I know this is particularly with those who have been raised as JW's.

  RR
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  Mulan

  I know what you mean. All of our ex JW friends, were very worried about me back in '95-'97 because they thought I was doing exactly that (throwing the baby out with the bathwater). I may have been. I sure dumped all beliefs quickly. Gradually I am finding my way now.
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  acsot

  Introspection:

  there was a priest praying inside - total silence. This freaked me out, because I had this same mindset of spirituality having to be something full - being an experience junkie you might say. But really, I think this is what the bible calls peace beyond understanding, or 'peace of God that excels all thought' if you go by the NWT

  you hit the nail on the head! It now amazes me how the WTS interpretation of spirituality is exactly the opposite of spirituality - what they view as spiritual is actually material of use only if you can see it or touch it (placing books, attending meetings, writing numbers on slips of paper). The "peace of God" that excels all thought" certainly can't be reduced to such tangible, "earthly" things which of course do not indicate any type of spirituality at all. It was another one of those aspects of being a JW that created a great deal of cognitive dissonance.

  Finding that place of peace is a challenge when you've had it hammered into your head that it's all about activity and things and meeting quotas, etc. I think that if we can work towards that place of peace, the emptiness transforms itself into real spirituality.
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  rebel

  Does anyone here have any doubts about the Bible? It all seems to be dependent on the Bible. What if the Bible is not what it seems to be? Have you all studied it? I am not having a go at anyone - I haven't studied it properly. I just took what the society said as gospel. But are there any out there who have studied it thoroughly and who can say it is God's word? What if it isn't? What do we do then? Where do we go?

  xxR
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  AlanF

  : do you feel a certain emptyness as far as your spirituality is concerned?

  Quite the opposite. Religion teaches you to have certainty about things that are inherently uncertain. It gives you "answers" that, when carefully examined in light of reality, are seen to be nonsense.

  In my opinion, a spiritual person is humble and acknowledges that he or she doesn't know it all, doesn't know everything that God wants him or her to know at present. A spiritual person is comfortable with not knowing all the answers, and with knowing that he won't ever know all the answers.

  I've become a thoroughgoing agnostic -- I do not know a great deal that I thought I knew as a JW. I now understand that as a JW, I was thoroughly unspiritual even though I had faith in all the things I was taught make one a spiritual person.

  AlanF
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  rocketman

  Good thread. Shakita, sorry to hear about your dad. Also, it is interesting how being out fishing was his spirtual experience in that sense. I know that when I am in a park, near nature in some other way, or gardening, I feel a contentment that can perhaps be thought of as spirtual.

  I also agree with ascot, who mentions that what the jws consider as spirtual is always quantified in some way - attendance, service time, etc. Good point.

  For me, right now I will say that fading from the jws and not beinge specially religious, I am very keenly aware that it is still important to do what is right. The jws often paint the picture that once you leave or decline in activity, you wil start doing all kinds of wrong things. If anything, I now feel even greater incentive to do what is right, I think because I now do it of my own initiative and not because someone is always prodding me to.