Should I let my kids visit my JW parents?

by NAPPY ROOTS 51 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Farkel

  : Last year they told me they had to limit their association with me. Needless to say, I was very hurt. I was not expecting it. So I cut off all association with them. I don't need their approval for how I live my life. Now they are calling me because they want my kids to visit them.

  Dubs are such self-centered hypocrites. It makes me sick. Tell your parents that as long as they shun you, they can have nothing to do with your children. Period. They deserve to reap what they themselves have sowed.

  Farkel
• 

  Big Tex

  I feel if they don't want to associate with me, why should I let them associate with my children.

  Do not let them intimidate you or pressure you into changing your stand. You have as much value as do your children. Your parents are being pompous self-righteous hypocrites. Either they love you for who you are, and respect you for the decisions you have made with your life, or they keep quiet and leave you alone.

  Personally I could never imagine cutting my children off, no matter who or what they are. I submit anyone who does is a poor parent and a sorry human being .
• 

  dedalus

  I'm in a similar situation with my father -- he has declared his need to "limit his association" with me (all dubs use the same dub vernacular, it seems), and furthermore, he has said that he cannot eat with me (another dub thing, misconstrued from some dumb scripture that is itself contradicted by other not-as-dumb scriptures), and, what really got me, he no longer wants to embrace me when we meet. I think he was scrounging around for something unexpected and therefore hurtful to add to the dubspeak with which I am all too familiar.

  Anyway, he managed to add, in the same paragraph, that he still wants to spend time with my daughter, who's now 13 months old (although he's only seen her twice since she was born). I haven't responded to him and probably won't bother, but I've pretty much decided that, until my father can treat me like a son, he can't be a grandfather. It's a reasonable response: you can't simultaneously cut yourself off from your children and then expect to be part of the families they've created. It's outrageous to expect that I'll excuse myself and leave my daughter in the presense of a man with no natural affection for his own children. No way.

  But, you know, dubs feel this overwhelming sense of entitlement to whatever it is they want to do -- after all, this is their earth we're living on, and the rest of us are just taking up space until God wipes us out.

  Dedalus
• 

  wednesday

  nappy,

  i am a paretn and granparent. I for my part, would only let them see the kids, if i could be there too. That way u can be sure they will not 'study" with them. Otherwise, u can be for sure. i would see it as not allowing someone to abuse jor confuse my child. i might let them have supervised visits, but otherwise, what Gary B. said could come true. They could turn your own children against u.
• 

  NAPPY ROOTS

  Thanks everyone for the advice. I have told my parents that I do not consider their religion as "THE TRUTH". We try to have very polite, non personal conversations. I still love them very much and have allowed my kids to call them anytime. I do not want to deprive my kids of knowing their only living grandparents. So that is why I have decided to let my kids visit my parents but NOT go to the meetings. My parents want to watch my kids during Spring Break. I won't allow that. I don't want my kids brainwashed and confused. I have already told my kids they are free to believe in whatever they want. I already know it won't be JWs (they are too smart for that).
• 

  kat_newmas

  I am in almost the opposite position. My parents have had no contact with me for twenty years because I left the "truth" when I was twelve. I have now begun to try to re-establish contact for the good of my child. I kept thinking that I just couldnt raise my child without family. It was really important, to me that my child have the benefit of family.

  Since the contact started a few weeks ago... we moved right to the topic, that I am also "bad ascociation" and would not be actually allowed to come to their home. ie... we could "meet for coffee at burger world" or 'have lunch sometime'. I then stated that the only thing I couldnt agree with them on was the shunning of people, because the elders say so. . . you guessed it.... I am now an "apostate" (heretic).

  So I turned the tables. I told them that since my contact with them, that I had learned of the controversy surrounding their religion, and that I really didnt think it would be good parenting to expose my child to that kind of judgement and fear. I said that maybe I should re-consider.... they sorta toned down that "burn him at the stake" attitude, and now for some reason, we just dont talk about that anymore. Guess they didnt like being Judged anymore than the next guy.

  Good luck. I hope it works out. Every child should have family. . . . but every family doesnt deserve to have the child.
• 

  ARoarer

  It is a dispicable thing that your parents have informed you that they will shun you because you no longer believe as they do. By allowing them to have access to your children just perpetuates thier abusiveness, and gives the children a negative message about thier own parents. Mommy and Daddy are bad, not worth associating with. Their tender minds will not grasp the understanding of the way your parents are subtley teaching them that Mommy and Daddy are "less than". The implied message to your children by kind, loving;, present giving grandma and grandpa is that you have done something bad. It gives a warped message on family to thier impressionable minds, and emtionally this disfunctional behavior will be translated to them as completely normal. It just is not good to expose them to this kind of behavior. They may even become guilty by messages from thier parents behavior towards you that there is something wrong with them to have parents that grandma and grandpa and God do not love. You have an obligation to protect your children from abuse of any kind. Sexual and physical abuse are clear cut and you would not let your children associate with grandparents who practiced these things. Psychological, emotional and spiritual abuse are just as damaging. Your parents have abandoned you. The Bible promises that if "my own father and mother did leave me, God himself would lift you up". Inform your parents that family gatherings that don't include you should not include your children either.
• 

  CoonDawg

  I feel the same way about kids of xdubs as I do about S.O.'s of exdubs. (who aren't 'dubs themselves). If my family cannot accept all of us as family...then there's the door. Don't let the knob get stuck in your hole when it hits you on the way out. If they can't accept me too, F*ck 'em. I have left the door open to an extent...the next move is up to them. I did not tell them that they had to shun me. They let some wrinkly assed old men in brooklyn tell them that. Those same wrinkly old men can just as well tell them to eat a little humble pie and associate with me and my kids as a family.

  JMO

  Coon
• 

  Azalo

  I told my parents from the time my first daughter was a new born that I did not want them to talk to her about religion whatsoever and they said they wouldn't. they love seeing my babies and i have had no problems. granted they are still babies and they might try something when they get a little older but i will just have to remind them of our wishes. i agree with the poster that says that you shouldnt practice the very thing you hate about the jw's and if they persist threten to report the problem to the elders, they have to respect ur wishes as parenst according to their own rules
• 

  avishai

  NO, no, no!!!