Did an EX-JW wake you up to TTATT or did you put the effort to wake up yourself?

by John Aquila 112 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Village Idiot

  I woke myself up. It wasn't doctrine or teachings that got me to question them but their arrogant self worship elevating the Watchtower to God's position. Something just didn't feel right. It was affecting me to the point where I was having anxiety attacks out in field service.

  I also had a strong curiosity as to the older literature and was beginning to build a collection. Money kept me from purchasing the original bound volumes from the 1870s to 1916. If I would have had a bigger collection it probably would have gotten me out much sooner than I had.

  I also read some apostate books by Christian Fundamentalists on doctrinal matters but that did not convince me. So I was not necessarily vulnerable to the ranting and raving crowds. And I was exposed to them and even accepted some of their literature on the day of my baptism.

  In the long run it was my sense of integrity and rational intuition that got me out.
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  vinman

  I woke up myself by accident. I wanted to learn about our history and our "wonderful spiritual heritage". Needless to say, that was the end. The cover ups and the lies. Not to mention the absolute craziness of Russell and Rutherford. But with hind sight, i realize that while i was "asleep", i was being awakened by small nudges. I left English and went to sign language for four years. It angered me to have about 22 of 40 publishers pioneering but no one in service. The haughtiness of so many learning the language and thinking they were a special people irritated me as well. When i served as an elder i received many "nudges". Being yelled at in the "backroom" and just sitting there in a room of cowardly elders who would not stand up for me. Being removed but never told why and no counsel or scriptures given. Jealous elders just because you put your heart and soul into your talks. Overlapping generations. Russell and his associates being "the messenger" spoken by Malachi. Reading the organization's history was just the alarm screaming. I had already had been "nudged" many times. I am sure that this scenario has happened to many of us.
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  John Aquila

  Bonsai

  Mine started one day in the Kingdomhall library room about 12 years ago. It didn't affect me until years later, but what happened on that day sowed seeds of doubt that would lay dormant for another decade

  This seems to be a common denominator with most of us. Unfortunately the bad thing about this is that life is so short. So 10-15 years is a life time. In that amount of time a person could be a heart surgeon. That is what is evil about the Watchtower. They know it takes a while to figure out that they are false manipulators, so they prey especially on the young. Once the young find out something is wrong, it most likely will take some 15 years to figure out enough and act. By then a 20 year old will be 35 years old, and a 25 year old will be 40 years old. Almost to late to go back to school. That's how they ruin lives.
  
• 

  John Aquila

  vinman

  i realize that while i was "asleep", i was being awakened by small nudges.

  The nudges, I got them to, my response was, “Just let me sleep for a few more minutes” Those minutes turned into years.
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  JeffT

  I came into during the run up to 1975, and bought into all the hype. By 1980 I was fighting doubts and mostly keeping it to myself. In 1988 I sat through a talk at a CA about the evils of higher education. I'd passed up a chance to get my Masters in 1973, by '88 I was benefiting from an additional year of college (taken over the objections of the elders). I didn't want my children going through that crap the same way I had.

  So I started studying stuff on my own. A few months later I found out my wife was doing the same thing. Later that year we contacted a guy who had been protesting outside the district conventions for years. Those of you who went to the Tacoma Dome may remember is sign advertising the phone number 244-FREE. He provided a lot of support and information, but we were mentally out by then anyway.
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  cognac

  Lol @john.
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  EndofMysteries

  Slowly woke myself up. It helped I was into prophecy and deeper things that they never did much about. When reading Revelation book, etc, saw how it made no sense and was convinced a lot of it was wrong. One day started reading the scriptures in context cover to cover and came upon many prophecies about 'israel' before the big A and since WT taught we were modern day Israel, they all translated to the WT was in deep S$%.

  Then started reading online material, CoC, etc, and everything further confirmed. But the bible itself exposed them as wrong to me.
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  disillusioned 2

  Nobody woke me up. It was little things that bothered me at first in the bible. The account of Job always bothered me, especially when all of his children died but Jehovah rewarded him with more! So everything was alright then. No, all of his children died! I argued with my mum over this when I was still a child. I said, if we all died, would you want us to be replaced by more children, would that make you happy? She got annoyed with me so I had to let it go. Abraham having to kill his son to prove he was faithful to God. What kind of a God would ask someone to do that to his own son. I reasoned that I couldn't have done it, so thought of myself as someone who didn't have much faith. When I was a young child I cried over the Armageddon pictures in the paradise book. That picture is etched on my memory of the earth opening up and people falling down. Or the picture of the flood and the mother holding her baby with such anguish on her face. I thought how can God kill babies, it's not their fault. For years there were things like this that bothered me.

  I carried on going, I was young. I tried to push all of the things bothering me to the back of my mind. I got baptized in 1973 at 17 with Armageddon looming very shortly. 1975. That was all anyone talked about. It came and went. Nothing happened. I carried on because of my family. I left school at 15 because of 1975. No further education for me, what's the point, everyone said. I believed it. We all did. Over time new ones came in, 1975 came up now and then. They denied the society had ever said it. I would argue with them that they did. My mum would agree with me. Years went by, I continued going but not regularly. I got married, had five children (didn't listen to the advice about that) gradually became inactive. My husband also became inactive. Then he returned and one day came home with about 20 watchtower and awake bound volumes. I was not happy about this. He put them all in a bookcase in the living room.

  One day in my mum's we were talking and I mentioned 1975 again and I couldn't believe it but she said they had never actually said that, the society, it was certain individuals and it spread. I said it was in literature I remember. I had no way of proving it didn't know where to look. I started going through old books, found much about generation not passing away. Started going through wt volumes which dated back to 1960. Couldn't find anything about '75. Went on internet, ......... found it! I was thrilled. I was right. I wasn't going mad. Went to the volumes and we had the one it was in. 1968. From that point I became obsessed about proving them wrong. I spent hours over months, even dreaming about what I was reading. I couldn't sleep properly. I just wanted to keep reading. Eventually I found jwfacts, read everything on there. Found jwsurvey then this site. Watched tons of YouTube videos, downloaded crisis of conscience on my phone, it was so difficult to read it on there, tiny! I knew then definitely they were wrong. So initially it was me and the old literature. So grateful for the internet and finding like-minded people.
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  Oubliette

  It was all me. In fact, for many years I thought I was the only JW that noticed all of the problems with the religion: the inconsistencies, the factual errors, hypocrisy of elders, the lack of any real academic rigor or integrity in their "theology," etc. The list is long.

  It seems funny now to think that I was the only one, but we all know how well the cult mindset and authoritarian control effectively insulates everyone from everyone else. There is no way that full-indoctrinated cult members can ever have a real, authentic relationship with another cult member.

  Finally it got to be too much and I started doing some investigating online. When I found out about the UN/NGO scandal that was it. I knew I was in a cult. I tried to talk to my wife; she wouldn't hear it.

  It took about six or seven years before I finally figured out how to leave: you just leave. But it had tremendous personal cost.

  My two young adult children that I raised in this fucking cult no longer talk to me. The reason: I no longer pretend to believe in the ridiculous religion.

  Let's review: It's a cult!

  
  
  
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  LevelThePlayingField

  From all of the comments I would say that it's true what John said, "the org does more to wake people up than we do sometimes," or something like that he said. When you have tight pants Tony up there, or two-faced elders and the general hypocrisy then it's an eye-opener for people.