Hello! This is my first post. I’ve been lurking on here for a couple of months since I got over the initial fear of committing “the unforgivable sin.” I obviously no longer believe I’m doing that or that its possible for anyone to do. So I figured it was time to share my story to anyone who might be interested. I’ve enjoyed many posts on this site. Its nice to see so many different people with different views all getting along in a very friendly, even loving, (imagine that) atmosphere. (Most of the time, anyway.) So I guess I’ll get right into it. Oh and sorry, its long….
I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness along with my two older sisters. Both of my parents were raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses as well.
Growing up in my family was often difficult. My Dad suffered from Manic Depression. Although he showed severe symptoms most of my childhood life, he was in denial and refused to get any treatment for his condition. This definitely had an effect on me and obviously my relationship with him. He would often become quite angry over the slightest thing. Although he never seriously injured me, my sisters or my Mom, he would get physically abusive at times. Hitting, jabbing his fingers into us really hard. (For some reason he liked doing that.) Sometimes he would leave bruises. I’m not saying he was always like this. That’s the thing with this illness, I guess. “Highs and lows”. One minute he would be fine, the next I’d be running for my life out the front door to get away.
“Spiritually” speaking (My Dad’s standing in the congregation) he was, or at least appeared, to be relatively exemplary. Before marrying my Mom at the age of 26 , He was at Bethel for 4 years. In their first year of marriage my parents lost their first child, a son at 2 weeks old due to complications at birth. This obviously crushed my parents. It was about that time my Dad started to show symptoms of his mental illness. It is inherited and I suppose he always had it but was able to hide it a little better before the pain of loosing his first child. Also during this time my Dad was serving as a ministerial servant which he was either removed from or “stepped down” from because of his mental state. After having me, my mom decided to go back to school . This caused her to miss many meetings while my Dad and us kids remained regular. My Dad didn’t like this and they would often get into terrible fights because of it. My Mom once told me about one incident where my Dad had one of his violent outbursts and after throwing all her books around the house, he was grabbing her holding her by the shoulders tightly, while shaking her. This was while I was in the same room. My Mom said that when it was over I asked her “why she lets Daddy treat her like that.” This was at 3 years old. Sad, huh? This behavior of coarse, was never shown or brought to the attention of anyone outside the family.
After moving to a different area and cong, he remained regular at meetings and in field service. He commented regularly. He was always eager to fill in at the last minute on T.M. School parts if someone didn’t show. I don’t want to give the impression that my Dad was an evil man, intentionally living a double life. That’s what the illness did to him I guess. I love my Dad, I don’t blame him for being ill. Though, I realize it doesn’t excuse anything. The only thing I can say I blame him for is not realizing that he was and not getting help for it.
I’m not saying that my life was unbearable and that I had a miserable childhood. I know plenty of people who had it a lot worse then me. I did have some good times with my Dad. I still looked up to him for the most part when he was acting civilized.
Throughout my childhood and into my teenage years I was a pretty typical JW kid. We moved and therefore changed congregations when I was 13, or so. I went to public school till about 7 th grade. Then my Mom decided to take me and my sister out and home school us because I wasn‘t getting along to well with most of my peers. I was being bullied a lot. I Came home a few times with some bruises and my Mom didn’t like that too much. I guess I didn’t either. J My oldest sister had just about graduated at that point, and had started to pioneer.
As far as our new congregation went, it seemed great at the time for my parents. There were a few kids my age that I’d get together with on occasion. I never really seemed to fit in with them though.I was a "skater boy"(I apologize for using that term,its very annoying,I know) and everybody seemed to be into hunting or other sports that I never got into.Oh I was also really into music. I played guitar since I was 10. This was apparently also something out of the ordinary, being a JW kid. I think sometimes I was even invited over by these kids parents. At leist they were trying,I guess. Anyway, My parents were pretty happy. They would say how much more loving it was then the hall we had just moved away from. In the first 2 years or so we were there everything seemed peachy to them. We were being invited over for dinner to different families houses. This was something that we rarely did at our other hall. Then my parents started getting pretty close to a particular family, we’ll call them the Thompson’s. John Thompson, was an elder in the congregation. His wife Cindy was a Pioneer. They had a daughter, about 2 years younger then me. We did many things over a period of about a year with the Thomson’s. My parents considered them best friends. I thought they were nice. John was rather hyper and very active. Sometimes he’d ride his mountain bike to our house when he’d come over by himself to visit. Keep in mind he lived about 5 miles away. He often acted very silly, going to great extremes for a laugh. He seemed very down to earth at the same time, and I guess since he was an elder, that seemed pretty cool to us. His wife became very close to my Mom and there wasn’t many nights that they wouldn’t be talking on the phone if they weren’t with each other. I think it was probably the happiest my parents had been in a while having such close friends. That however, was soon to change.
I guess before I get into that I should mention that I had always believed strongly in the “truth”, or I what was taught. And as a typical JW family our life revolved around it. Also, I’ll mention that my Dad at this point in my life started going to a psychologist and getting medication for his mental illness. Though sometimes he’d forget to take it, and believe me we knew if he hadn‘t , his behavior had definitely improved greatly when he was on it. This was a particularly good thing in my opinion in view of what he was about to go through.
As we continued doing things as a family with the Thompson’s I think we all noticed a little favoritism John had for my youngest sister. She was about 14 at the time. He was a very good at drawing animated characters and he would draw her and him in cartoon sketches together. He did this with other people also ,which he showed us one occasion. Other members of my family including myself were even featured in these cartoon sketches at times. I guess that’s why we didn’t think it was to strange at the time. Then he started buying my sister things. Nothing to weird, just things she’d mention wanting. Cds, clothes, etc.
She liked a certain Rock singer at the time and he of coarse latched onto that, also claiming to like this singer. He even took my sister and one of her friends to see him in concert. At this point I think my parents were starting to see that something wasn’t quite right but they were in denial. After all, who would want to believe that their 34 year old, married with child, best friend who happened to be an elder, was trying to hook up with their 14 year old daughter. Well, in denial they were. At one point he had opened up a savings account for my sister and put $ 500.00 in it as a gift to her. I knew about this and was not happy. “How come this guy doesn’t take interest in me like a son he never had. He’s already has a daughter,” I thought. Now, I think I’m glad he didn’t, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I guess the shit finally hit the fan when he asked my sister to run away with him. She declined and told my parents who then went straight to the elders. Not to him, of coarse, different elders………………………………...
I’ll mention at this point, that the P.O off the congregation was one of Johns best friends also. I’ll also mention at least two other elders in the congregation were cousins and also close to John. Can anybody predict the outcome of this story?…..I think you can. Unfortunately I’m going to have to finish it in a continuation post because I’ve run out of time. Till then, thanks for listening…..My next post will describe my wonderful personal experiences with the elders. Also my wife’s, which led to her Dfing. Oh and by the way, I’m faded, not Dad or Dfed. My wife is also in the same boat now, as she was reinstated….More to come…Thanks J