You know, now that I think about it, I was a pretty damned nice Witness
A hell of a lot nicer than anyone else I knew.
And I'm only writing this because it's not really immodest because you don't know who I am.
I never went to the KH without some homebaked cake or cookies for the elderly ones, or a small gift for someone, or some cards telling someone how much I appreciated them. The more I disliked a person, the harder I would try to befriend them. Usually, the reason I disliked them went away (not! Nope - my instinct about persons' true natures is very strong).
I carried food by the bag ful into the hall for struggling families. I brought clothing (no big deal, everyone else did that too). I really woked hard at trying to be loving.
Never got really close to anyone, though. The sister who studied with me told me it was because anyone could bring presents for someone (true enough), but my heart was closed off to any real love. Which is also probably true. But I felt my efforts were totally denigrated. The second congregation? They scarfed up everything I had and in return, snubbed me and my daughter for not having any family connections or money. All true. The first congregation was screwed, the second was a nightmare of nepotism and greed.
Oh! As was my custom, if there was a paper at the curb of a house I was going to subject to my rather poor calibre of Witnessing (very apologetic), I always took it to the door and gave it to the householder. An elder, however, told me we weren't paperboys and to leave them atr the curb. I still did it anyway. That is damned ignorant, walking over papers to get to a door instead of picking them up.
Please, all, bear with me as I try to reason everything out. You're going to get a lot of these dumb posts - I have to write them, you don't have to read them.
Berylblue, I'll bet you were the epitome of kindness.
If there could have been an example of a 'loving' JW, it would have been you.
Yes, there were a few lovely benevolent people who attended the KH, people who were genuine, despite being misguided.
If I had have been in your congregation, I would have let you spoil the daylights out of me, and always thank you for it .
I wish I could see a video tape of myself from way back then. I was so intense, so geek-ish, and so NAIVE. My heart, I felt was in the right place (for a dub), but as time went on...things just didn't add up, and personal struggles along with other doubts, had me on the banana peel sliding right out of the Borg.
Yes, I'll bet you were a very nice JW. The good thing berylblue, is that you are still a NICE person today .
I see why you had problems. You were a genuine Christian. You didn't fit in. I too, would bring the paper to the door. I was told it lacked dignity, I still did it. I guess I wasn't arrogant and petty enough to be a good Governing Body clone.Yours, Maverick
good post beryl,
You made me sad, you made me laugh ,you had me nodding my head in agreement. You write well. Keep posting
My experience was very similar. To me being a true christian surely meant spreading little acts of kindness everywhere one went. How nieve we were! For most, being a JW is more about seeking comfort in the power and control of others or kingdom hall snobery than anything else.
ps: the title of this post freaks me out a tad - reminds me of me. Being 'raised in the truth' i did feel superior to those 'smaller fish' who'd committed worldly crimes before and after being cleansed at the fountain of truth.
Hi berylblue. "A hell of a lot nicer than anyone else I knew" Yes. There were alot of very nice JWS. But to the WTS, Is it more important to be nice and loving, or going out in field service distributing worthless magazines? neyank
There was so much talk about how loving the WTS organization was, and really, it wasn't. There were the exceptions, the ones like berylblue, but as a whole, I don't think there was any more "love" in the hall than anywhere else.
I will go as far to say that there is less love in the KH than elsewhere. The hall was a place you had to go to, not because you wanted to, and you always had to look around and make sure that everyone else was following the rules or else you were supposed to report them.
The more I think about it, the more it seems to be true:
Any JW who makes an effort to put on the "fruitage of the spirit" (love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control) is usually treated with the greatest of contempt by members of their congregation.
On the other hand, the ones who use their connections to keep from getting in trouble, the ones who gossip and slander everyone else, the ones who can't keep their noses out of other people's business, the ones whose kids are the most obnoxious little brats imaginable, the ones who LOVE shunning - DF'd, DA'd and inactive people alike, the ones who will rat you out to the elders in a heartbeat, the ones who turn their noses up at low-hour publishers, the ones who expect (and get) to be treated like pseudo-royalty because they are buddies with the CO and his wife, etc. etc. are the ones who are set up as "fine examples of Christianity".
Let's face it, we nice folks don't belong in a mess like that. God's spirit isn't there anyway, so why would we want to be there??
Maybe all the nice witnesses quit? Those that remain are Yes men & woman, that obey men instead of God.
I mentioned once before that it appears the WatchTower drives out the best and the brightest, the artistic and the genuine the same way Europe drove those same kinds of people to America two hundred years ago. The drones and the insecure say behind. Once your eyes are opened there is little excuse to worship the mighty in Brooklyn! Maverick
You couldnot have been as nice as me,what you experienced within both congregations is also world wide ,remember the scripture you will know my people by the love they have amongst themselves.
sorry that you wernt a recipient of the same said love which most people have heard about,be happy that you never became close to anyone otherwise they may have persuaded you and yours to stay,remember this also what you saw was fickle friends and false friendships within the congregations,the abuse of power you saw also you experienced nepotismn which is aomewhat rife throughout the organization,your generosity is welcome here but,you will be required to love everyone and receive back the love you so want to give and show,you may start by loving yourself ,or maybee giving to a needy person not conected to the borg ,as in a down and out (tramp ) as there for the grace of god go i,
thanks for your posting you will find many loving friends here.
agape love and welcome