Would you allow someone else to discipline your kids?

by freedom96 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • freedom96

    There is much debate on whether or not a parent should discipline their child by spanking, or sometimes even worse. Minimus asked about this on a recent thread.

    It reminded me of hearing stories about how those in positions of authority would sometimes spank a child. The first that comes to mind is teachers. I believe most of this happened years ago, but maybe still exists some in private schools. But the teachers were allowed to spank, paddle, hit with a ruler, etc.

    I will be the first to say that no teacher would ever be allowed to touch my child like that. If I ever found out about something like that happening to my child, I would be putting the fear of God into that teacher in a second.

    As I mentioned in the earlier thread, I tend to believe that a single swat, designed to suprise a young child when they are doing something wrong or dangerous is ok, but sensless beatings out of anger is wrong. I would much rather talk with the child, especially when they are old enough to communicate and try to reason with them. I have never been a fan of spankings. Especially when I was a kid!

    So, all that being said, I would never allow anyone other than my spouse or myself ever resort to a swat on the hand or butt. I know my friends and family would never dream of doing such a thing. I just don't know where these teachers get off thinking they can do it. They better pray they never touch my child.

    Any of you experience the wrath of a teacher, or known that a teacher has hit your kid? Did you allow it? Would you allow it? How is it so many parents did in times past? Was it just accepted?

  • Billygoat

    I got "paddled" at school once for talking during class. I wasn't even the kid talking either - it was two girls sitting behind me. Anytime a kid got paddled at school, a pink slip was sent home with them and the parent had to sign it, acknowledging their child was disciplined and they understood why. I was more scared of that stupid pink slip than getting paddled at school. The paddling didn't hurt, but I knew when I got home I was really in for it. Anytime I got in trouble by someone else I was in for it double when my dad found out. I hear so many stories of parents that take up for their child. Mine never did. They always assumed the worst in me.

    Someday when Mozzer and I have kid(s), I will be extremely protective of them. I would never allow someone else to hit or spank my child. But then again, I won't let just anyone watch my kid either. I believe spankings are a part of discipline and I probably will spank my child. But I look at it as a last resort. I think there are many other ways for a child to be disciplined FIRST.

  • happyout

    This subject is very close to my heart for several reasons. I was spanked as a child, and since all the kids I knew were also spanked, I didn't think much of it. However, now that I am a parent, I have a slightly different view. I will not rule out spanking my son, but I will only do it in two situations 1) If he was doing something dangerous that he knew he should not do and 2) if I had tried all other options and they had not worked.

    As for other relatives spanking my child - absolutely not. I have made this very clear, and if they don't agree with that rule, they don't have to babysit him. I know some of them think I spoil my son, because I give him three chances before he gets a time out. But, he's only two, the timeouts are effective (he stands at the wall for two minutes bawling his little heart out), and afterwards I have him apologise and hug me or whoever he transgressed against. I think the hugging at the end is important, I want him to know that I always love him, even when he misbehaves.

    As for schools - HELL NO. I have relatives who work for a couple of school districts, and let me tell you, teachers are not all they should be these days. Some of them are in the profession, not for love of children, but for power over someone. Or because they could not succeed at anything else. Regardless, I don't trust their judgement enough to hit my child. Of course, they should have some methods of discipline, loss of activities, extra homework, and, most importantly, open communication with parents.

    An example of discipline in a private school gone awry. A relatives daughter was in school, and talking during class. She was not alone in this, but she was a definite participant. The teacher taped her to a chair, and then taped her mouth closed. She was the only child who received this discipline. When the parents asked why, the teacher (whose race won't be mentioned, but who was not black) said "Black children talk too much". The other children who were talking, by the way, were not black, and apparently therefore did not merit such a punishment.

    I don't believe all teachers are bad, nor do I believe this story to be common (heavens, I hope not). My point is, how would I know in advance? But like you, Freedom96, whoever touches my child better hope the cops get to them before I do.

    Great thread.

  • kls

    My children are all grown and brought up with a swat on the rear when needed.Severe punishment is never right .I feel a good talking to or time out just doesn't work, after a while the child just thinks its funny and gets used to it.My family was allowed to swat my children if they felt it necessary.If they watched my kids they have the right to .Children are smart and will try and get away with as much as possible and i would never leave my kids with anyone i did not trust to watch and punish in a loving manner.Teachers are just that ,teachers .they have no right to touch any child.

  • Billygoat
    ...afterwards I have him apologise and hug me or whoever he transgressed against. I think the hugging at the end is important, I want him to know that I always love him, even when he misbehaves.

    Happyout, I think this is so important. SOOO crucially important. Why? Because when I was a kid I would get grounded a lot, along with my spankings. Children are typically grounded from TV, music, radio, playing with friends, desserts, etc. I was too. But along with that I was grounded from hugs and kisses from anyone in the family. I remember my little brother one time coming into my room with his teddy bear and making it "hug" me (read smashing fur into my face - LOL!) because he knew he'd get in trouble if he tried to hug me. I will never forget this. I try to forgive, but I'll never forget. To this day I feel nothing but disgust towards some of my parents actions.

  • BluesBrother

    In my day it was diffeent. Schoolteachers were expected to keep order by corperal punishment. I rememberthe one with his slipper "Jeremiah " he called it. Kids were frequently caned,. At junior school , one female teacher was notorious for slapping you around the head, she would come up behind you as you sat at your desk.

    Despite all this, no one was caused any long term suffering and I believe that order in school was better than today . I believe there is a place for carefully controlled corperal punishment by parents and teachers .

  • CoonDawg

    One of my most resented memories as a child at the meetings was during prayer one night at the bookstudy, I was rather fidgety (hey, I was only 4) and a sister that my mother went in service with frequently took it upon herself to pop me on the back of the head...to let me know her displeasure at my fidgeting. Even at the age of 4, I was very indignant that someone other than my mom or dad would take it upon themselves to do such a thing.

    At school...I was on the tail end of corporal punishment. My dad always warned me that if I got paddled at school, I would get it double when I got home. I was always way more afraid of getting it with dad's belt than I ever was of any of my teachers. One teacher had "Bertha" that was a baseball bat that was planed down to the thickness of about 3/4". It also had holes drilled in it for less wind resistance.

    I do not let anyone else discipline my child. Especially not physically. She has long outgrown the effectiveness of a smack on the bum. I have even warned her stepfather against his spanking her. He hits her, I hit him.


  • Mary

    I have indeed, disciplined other people's children but rarely. The first time was, as I mentioned on another post, a spoiled little brat at the Hall decided to kick me with all her might because she didn't like her mommy's attention taken away from her. Seeing as her mother didn't do ANYTHING, I spanked her right there and told her if she ever did that again, she'd get it twice as hard.

    The second time was when I was babysitting for another sister in the Hall who had some sort of really horrible infection that went right to her head. The slightest sound was totally agony for her and I was just waiting for her husband to come home from work so one of us could take her to the hospital to get checked out. Anyway, her 7 year old son decided he was going to make all the noise he wanted with one of his toys. I stopped him and said "don't do that honey, mommy's sick and she can't take any noise right now. We have to be very quiet." He looked at me definently and did it again. I took it away from him. When I went in the kitchen, he went right in the room where I had put it, got it out, looked right at me and started with the noise again. I said "do it again, and you get a spanking." He did it again so I spanked him and said "next time you get it twice as hard." He didn't do it again after that.

    There's two sides to every story. The story someone posted about a little black girl having her mouth taped shut by the teacher is insane, but it also sounds like racism was involved. I've heard of teachers slapping kids in the face, whipping them with their pants down till there are welts, and other stories of horror. This should not be tolerated. On the other hand, I've heard of teachers whose lives have been threatened by some teenagers in their classes, they've been punched, beaten and sexually asaulted by their own students yet they're not allowed to touch them.

    You can't have one hard and fast rule for all circumstances. Each circumstance is different and calls for different actions. As to whether I would let someone else discipline my child, I would have to say "yes" if my child deserved to be disciplined and I wasn't there.

  • Simon

    We used to have the cane at school ... across the palm / fingers (ouch)

    I wouldn't let my kids get hit BUT I would support teachers in making sure they were disciplined and behaved. I think it's unreasonable to tell teachers they cannot discipline kids and then not accept any reposibility for making them behave.

    Luckily, ours are very well behaved at work and monsters at home instead of the other way round - parents-evening is always a big shock and we think they are talking about someone elses kids !

  • LB

    I have spanked my children and feel that it was a useful tool. As stated here it has to be done with love, any form of discipline has to.

    Now let's see if I can tell this story without venting too much. Don't paddle my kids, I'll do it. Case in point. A principle paddled my son. He deserved it I'm sure, but when he was laying in bed that night he kept crying. Finally I looked at his bottom and he had large welts, some of which turned to blood blisters. I freaked, went to the police station. They called the superintentent of schools at his home and had the principle show up. This all about 9pm. I wanted blood.

    The super tells me to back off as things might not go well for my son. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and started yelling. Police station, that isn't approved. The short of it was the principle was arrested, tried and convicted. Lost his job. Committed suicide a few months after the trial. I hired an attorney to write a nasty letter to the school board. They sent us a check for several thousand dollars.

    My son finished up in private school which the district had to pay for.

    Hands to yourself. I had paddled the bottom on my son a few times. Never left a mark so I knew he didn't bruise easily. Keep your hands off of others. Not allowed.

    I just felt my blood pressure rise writing this. OK, time to look at pictures of beautiful women. No, that won't work. Fish, yes fish, I'll look at photos of fish.

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