Most articles in the publications recommended physical punishment, (corporal) when disciplining children. The scripture says that "he will not die" if you BEAT him. So many parents literally beat their children. Were you such a parent? Would you spank your child? Would you leave marks on your kids???
Are You Ashamed Of The Way That You Disciplined Your Child?
by minimus 42 Replies latest jw friends
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WildHorses
Before becoming a JW, I never spanked my children. As a result of being a JW, I did spank them a few times, and found that I yelled a LOT at them.
I can't say that I have never spanked since having left the religion, but the very few times I have(my daughter) were because she did damage to my car, twice. I was so angry and it was a reflex reaction.
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Francois
I'd be willing to be there's not a parent out there who has not done something, at some time, to their children which they would give the very last drop of their blood not to have done - or to have the ability to react differently. And we allow it to dog us long after our children have forgotten all about it.
francois
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why144000
YES!! I should have given them a break and not flogged them on Sunday. One day off was not too much to ask. Really though, I look back and am ashamed that I did not give them more latitude. The only good thing about taking them out the back was that you missed some of the meeting. Sorry kids!
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Roski
A neighbour from a KH I attended called the Child Protection Agency at one time due to the manner in which a child was frequently being disciplined outside the hall. Personally, yes. There was a lot of pressure from other elders to make our kids 'perfect', hence a lot of trips out the back. Also a lot of pressure from other members of the family (most who didn't raise kids in the org.) to make my kids 'as good as' so-and-so's kids. This is an issue I debate with myself at length. In some ways I feel I was far to strict, and yet in other ways I was much more lenient than others (maybe not easier, just allowed them to do things like music and some sport, and to think for themselves), but that was what finally broke the marriage as I was not a good elders wife and stopped Bro. elder from "progressing in the truth". I'm sure many parents find this a dificult issue - on reflection.
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Silverleaf
The scripture says that "he will not die" if you BEAT him.
Yet another bit of false information from the Bible. How often do we see reports in the news of children who are beaten to death. One more clue that the scripture is a load of manure.
Silverleaf
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david_10
Minimus, you must be a mind reader, because I was just thinking that this would be an interesting question for you to explore. The answer to your question is YES!! Shame doesn't really seem to be a strong enough word to describe how I feel about it. My first child was born in 1976, and she wasn't even a month old but what I was taking her outside and spanking her. Not hard, please understand, but there's no justification for ever spanking a newborn baby. But we were told to bring up our children in the "discipline and mental regulating of Jehovah" or whatever that bullshit verse says, and I thought it was the right thing to do. Goddammit, what an idiot I was. My second daughter was born a year later, and even though I had mellowed considerably, the meetings were no picnic for her either.
During the mid-seventies, there was a population explosion in our congregation and I recall that we had around 35 children of pre-school age. Needless to say, the path to the side door was well-worn. The neighbors called several times and spoke with the elders and left messages that they were noticing our hard-line stance with the kids and felt that we were being too harsh. However the elders paid no attention and we all felt that we had a scriptural basis for letting the beatings continue. Imagine the shock and surprise, though, when the police came into the hall one Thursday night and stopped the meeting. They stayed for around 20 minutes and interviewed some elders and parents, but they finally did leave with only a warning handed out. It was extremely humiliating, and for me at least, a wake-up call-----I don't think I ever spanked my kids again. Ever. Even when they may have needed it. It was a different world 25 years ago, but if this were to happen today, I don't think the police would leave so easily. I think that Child Welfare Services would be called and a lot of parents would be on the carpet getting a huge dose of their own medicine. But here's the interesting part of that incident: Do you think that the congregation learned it's lesson and began acting more discreetly and humanely? Yes and no. At the next Service Meeting, a special needs talk was given discussing the situation, and the elders decreed that we should not take our children outside to discipline them anymore; instead we were to take them into the library and give them their whippings in there!! Goddammit all to hell, I'm ashamed that I was ever a part of that monstrous organization!!!
My 2 girls were born in the mid-seventies. My 2 boys came along in the mid-eighties. By the time the boys came along, my wife and I were on our way out of the organization and had left for good by 1987. But, as far as the girls are concerned, the damage had already been done. Today, they are both doing pretty good, but they still have problems associated with their JW up-bringing and they both have to take anti-depressants to get by. But those boys!!! They love being alive. They're happy, well-adjusted and goal-oriented. They just love being alive. Why the huge difference? To me, the answer is obvious: The girls were raised in the "Truth." The boys were never around it. If there are any JW lurkers out there reading this, PLEASE listen to what I'm trying to tell you.
David
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ozziepost
Are You Ashamed Of The Way That You Disciplined Your Child?
No. Should I be?
I'm not aware that the publications did promote child abuse as it seems you're claiming. If any of the R&F did resort to physical abuse of their children, I find it's drawing a long bow to blame the WTS.
BTW your question and comments seem to be directed in two ways at once:(1) The WTS, and (2) The Bible.
Cheers, Ozzie
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Billygoat
I don't have any kids myself. But I remember that wooden spoon and belt like it was yesterday. One of the elderly sisters DID live next door to the KH with her unbelieving husband. I do know that he called CPS on my father a couple times. He never hesitated to take me outside and slap me around or take my brothers outside to spank them either. I remember one time all three of us going outside and he nearly shook one of my brothers so bad it scared me. He was probably 6 months old or so.
CPS visited us not long after that. My parents didn't even allow me to see the person there because I was "ill and in bed." (Which was true, but it was because I had just been whipped really bad and had blood encrusted legs and bottom.) To this day I don't understand why the CPS person didn't force him/herself to see the "other child in the back room".
*shaking head*
They may have been able to stop my dad. I could've had a chance at a normal childhood somewhere else. Sometimes I look at me at 12 and just cry for her. I feel guilty for letting my dad act the way he did. Like I should've done something more to speak out and tell someone else. But I was too afraid of the aftermath. Sometimes I think that's why my step-mom is still there. She's frightened of his reaction should she try to leave.
If I were a guy that's the type of wife I'd like. One that's too scared to really share her heart with me. One that feels like she's just riding her time out until Jehovah saves her.
A part of me is thankful for my experience though. Thankful because I think one day I'll be a great mother! I'll know exactly what NOT to do. The memories that hurt me the most are the ones where I felt my spirit was broken. That is something I vow not to do with my child. I will always love, encourage, and comfort. My child won't be an undisciplined spoiled brat, but he will definitely be spoiled in love!
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minimus
The Society would never recommend child abuse (hopefully). Family heads were always strongly "encouraged" by the elders and others to bring your child out of the auditorium and "discipline" a mis-behaving child. I remember the terror that I inflicted upon my child when all I had to say (to a 3 year old) was that we were going for a walk in the "back room". Once, she cried, "PLEASE DADDY, PLEASE DADDY.....I A GOOD GIRL". Most of the Hall laughed because they knew she was going to get a spanking. Then when you'd come back, you'd see everyone smiling, smirking or laughing because they know that you just spanked your child. This was not out of the ordainary behavior for any Witness parent. It was encouraged. Circuit Overseers would pick up on whether parents were lax in their discipline and say right from the platform that if necessary, we should bring our chilren out in the back and discipline them. They would remind us that if they got a "beating", it wouldn't kill the child. For those of us that accept the Scriptures, we understand that giving your child a physical beating is not the best solution. The "rod" can clearly be any type of discipline that could effectively reach a child's heart. Do I believe spanking is wrong? NO, but I believe in most cases it is totally unnecessary. My daughter was spanked probably about 3 times in her life. I could almost always reason with her to help her see why it was necessary to behave. I am not ashamed of how I disciplined my child. I am ashamed that some misused the Bible to promote beating a child and mentally torturing , too. In this day and age, I would think it wise to NOT physically discipline your children because as David pointed out, it could create many problems for you with social services and the law.