For me the worst thing is not having a helper anymore

by John Aquila 27 Replies latest jw experiences

  • John Aquila
    John Aquila

    One of the things that gave me confidence in life was that I believed I had the Almighty Creator/God watching over me, directing me, guiding my every step, protecting me from harm, and answering my prayers.

    I now know that is not the case anymore. I finally stopped praying.

    How could I pray for my daily bread when I see thousands of children starving every day? Why would I be more important than them?

    How can I pray to God to deliver me from the “Evil One” when I turn the television and I see children floating on the ocean, drowned because they were fleeing their country that was engaged in war by a bunch of evil men?

    How can I pray to God when I see a man crying relentlessly because he was not able to save his wife and children from dying in the ocean?

    Why would I be better than him?

    Why would God answer my prayers instead of answering the prayers of these children and parents when they were gasping for their last breath and their eyes were seeing their last glimpse of sunlight and the beautiful blue sky?

    I remember being at the hospital with a large group of witnesses, supporting this brother whose wife was giving birth and had run into complications. It was a young couple and it was their first child. She started hemorrhaging internally. I remember the doctor come to the waiting room and tell the husband what was happening. I remember the doctor’s words; “We can SAVE Her”

    But the husband said; “NO BLOOD” All of us, about fifty brothers and sisters started praying to God. We would not stop. About an hour later the doctor walked in and tells the Husband; “I’m Sorry, your wife died”

    No one questioned it except me. I remember asking one of the elders; “Why didn’t Jehovah answer our prayers”

    His reply;

    “Sometimes “We” pray for the wrong thing”

    WTF, how can praying for someone’s life be praying for the wrong thing?

    Now I finally know the truth, and I don’t like it.

    I’m on my own.

  • vinman
    We see what we want to see. Their are two sides to EVERY story.
  • RichardHaley
    That is exactly how I feel. And it was really driven home for me when the Philippine cong was washed out to sea with the pubs in it. You know they were praying and in the kh to boot.
  • Finkelstein

    The only real positive helper mankind ever had was himself, the envisioned and imagined deities in the past didn't come through.

    Jesus Christ is one of the last great envisioned deities but nevertheless still self created by man for mankind.

  • cultBgone

    John, that scene at the hospital sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie about wacko fundamentalist religions. A new daddy allowing his young wife to die, so the newborn child grows up without mommy, is so cruel and inhuman.

    Such is the power of mind-numbing religion.

    No one who leaves is on their own, really. You, for example, obviously have a very well-functioning heart and brain working together to sort out your life. And like it or not, you're stuck with this terrific JWN family for support. "Jehovah" was not your helper, he was an invented symbol of power utilized by greedy self-serving control freaks calling themselves a religion.

    You don't need their guidance. You're fantastically qualified to control your own life, come what may.

    Here's to the many thought-provoking, challenging, exciting years ahead for you and everyone brave enough to step away from the control of the wt organization!

  • Je.suis.oisif

    John.....this has been on my mind this past week! It's kind of similar to when both my parents died. I was now the oldest in our family. No buffer zone was how I described it. Last week I had to visit the doctoe. A few months ago I would've prayed for HS to calm my anxiety. The realization hit me like a punch to the gut. The reality is "this is it" whatever is going to happen, there is no help for us. The thought left me reeling till I reasoned on it and calmed down.

    Good post.

  • defender of truth
    defender of truth

    For me, the best thing about becoming an atheist was realising I don't have a helper.. and that I never actually had one.

    This means that everything I have ever achieved, every good deed I have done, every person I have helped along the way..

    I did it myself.


    How's that for a different way of looking at things?

    You clearly don't need an invisible helper...

    You never had one in the first place.

  • Giordano

    I traded in my childhood beliefs of God, Jesus the Bible and the WTBTS.

    I lived my life quietly and with dignity.....I thought of myself as a non believer except I actually believed in a number of things that give me daily comfort and strength.

    my beliefs:

    • A conviction that dogmas, ideologies and traditions, whether religious, political or social, must be weighed and tested by each individual and not simply accepted by faith.
    • A commitment to the use of critical reason, factual evidence and scientific method of inquiry in seeking solutions to human problems and answers to important human questions.
    • A primary concern with fulfillment, growth and creativity for both the individual and humankind in general.
    • A constant search for objective truth, with the understanding that new knowledge and experience constantly alter our imperfect perception of it.
    • A concern for this life (as opposed to an afterlife) and a commitment to making it meaningful through better understanding of ourselves, our history, our intellectual and artistic achievements, and the outlooks of those who differ from us.
    • A search for viable individual, social and political principles of ethical conduct, judging them on their ability to enhance human well-being and individual responsibility.
    • Justice and fairness – an interest in securing justice and fairness in society and in eliminating discrimination and intolerance.

    • Building a better world – A conviction that with reason, an open exchange of ideas, good will, and tolerance, progress can be made in building a better world for ourselves and our children.

    • It turns out I've been a secular humanist all along!

  • millie210

    So here....

    I will throw an unpopular opinion in to the mix.

    Why does prayer over food have to be about self?

    A whole a lot of work went in to getting that food to you.

    One of the plights on earth that you did not mention above is the farmer. They are one of the few people left in the richest country on earth that work beside their migrant workers to bring their product to the market. Between big commercial farms, lack of water in California (one of our biggest growers in the US) and good old Monsanto buying the rights to all the seed produced - farmers are a dying breed.

    What about packers working in produce sheds, truckers who haul it people who own produce stands and sell it with pride?

    Why cant a prayer be a moment of thanks and recognition that what is in front of us has required hard work? Why does it have to involve anything whatsoever to do with what the JWs taught us?

    I am at work today (yes! on a sunday!) and dont have time to look for it but someone (?) once said that it is a poorer man who bows his head in thanks to nothing" (sic)

    I am not offering this thought up as a disagreement really.

    Its more like food for thought - pun intended!


    Hi John

    I too feel the same way the feeling that we are alone. I still pray maybe out of habit or maybe because I am still clinging on to the fact that maybe there is a god up there.

    I look at creation and it is so complex, our feelings and emotions are something that could not have evolved (in my opinion) and the earth is so beautiful it seems crazy to think it all just happened.

    But as you mentioned millions suffer including 'faithful' witnesses and it does not make sense.

    If you pray to Jehovah and something good happens its a blessing.

    If you pray and your prayers are not answered then it seems that Jehovah is selecting which prayers he 'responds' to ?

    I have never understood this.

    For example a worldy person prays to god for help - nothing.

    Then we get an 'experience " where someone prays to god and then jw's knock on their door......

    We were always told when someone in the world prays and gets blessed its because satan is blessing them.

    Then the experience comes up at the assembly of someone praying to god and he answers them by a ring on the doorbell.

    So to me that means that Jehovah hears every prayer but selects which ones he answers.

    So I am at a loss really as I too feel like we are alone here.

    I was raised from birth as a witness now fading after 39 years.

    All of my family is still in and they don't know about my feelings, the only good thing is that my wife who herself was raised as a witness is also fading with me.

    Sometimes she says that she misses attending the meetings and I have to go over the reasons why we have left - then when you watch the news the old ingrained thoughts come back - what if etc.

    I think it will take a long time to get over this. May be it won't ever go away.

    I gave up a lot for this religion - after I left school I pioneered and then was a window cleaner,lol.

    Oh boy, so as you can imagine approaching I am 40 next month have managed to get a few regular jobs but all of the well paying ones require a college education which I was denied and truly believed was a waste of time.

    Don't save any money we were told - Jehovah will look after you.

    If you seek first the kingdom he will look after you.

    Don't get a pension, don't buy a house its not worth it.....Its totally disgusting that this religion controls you and your life decisions - especially when eventually I moved to another country and saw the elders with their nice homes and cars and well paying jobs, some of them went to university and when you are working in a regular job they look down on you as if you are crap when they were the ones telling you not to pursue anything like this.

    Thank goodness we have managed to get ourselves a home now and are starting to build a life for ourselves.

    Fortunately we moved to a totally different country from our families so the fade was much easier.

    Take care John.


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