Can an atheist date jw?

by concernCitizen 26 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • raven

    DATA-DOG- I like your style ;-D


    You are in a situation for sure.. Firstly I think you have some great advice on this thread.. I would definitely take the ideas thoughts and statements of others into consideration. Now, you say you have been dating this girl for over a year? So she's been hiding you for a good amount of time.. I'm not sure what her standing in the congregation is, BUT she is very indoctrinated by this organization ( cult ) being that she hasn't cut ties with it since she is scared of her mothers disapproval or even the thought of being asked to leave home for dating a "worldly man", she's probably scared of being Disfellowshipped.. ( especially since you two have been intimate, it doesn't matter if there was no penetration, but heavily petting half naked is still grounds for trouble ) Its very difficult to explain the obvious lies, false prophecy and teachings to an active JW... I have been through a similar situation, except I was already fading out of the org when my mother turned me into the Elders for premarital sex... I'm officially out of the org.. I too was once brainwashed and very indoctrinated by this religion but it took MY own discovery, research, and long nights of reading to figure out that this religion is a big giant cult corporation.

    If you are willing to go through this exhausting roller coaster then fine, but if it were me i would move on.. Its not worth it, her ties to this cult are probably too strong which is why she hasn't been fully honest with you.. It would be different if she has already been delving into research and slowly learning the real truth about this religion.. But as of now she still sounds heavily involved..

    You sound like a nice guy, I'm sorry you've been put through this but relationships with an active involved JW are very hard to sustain..

  • honest

    Roberto Avon is extremely lucky.

    If a jw ends up marrying a non believer the family unit usually suffers. For example the non believer wants to hold a birthday party for their kids, the jw mate is to refuse to be involved and protest against it. Usually the kids are used as pawns. Eg the jw partner will tell the kids that Jehovah hates birthdays, etc. The kid then feels obliged to please Jehovah because they don't want to be killed.

    If your girlfriend still believes in it, even just a smidgeon of it, you are in for a very troubled union.

    If She secretly tells you its all Bullshit and is just in it for family then you will have a good chance of a normal life. Even then she will still have worry about being dobbed in for celebrating birthdays, Christmas etc etc. Once baptised you are always tied to their policies, regardless of them being inactive.

    It's a cult and once in you can't leave without harsh consequences.

  • concernCitizen

    Thank you guys a lot, I can't stress enough how meaningful all your comments are.

    Like some of you said the thing that bothers me the most is the part she wasn't totally open from the beginning, specially since it is something that had hurt us both before and we agreed to be honest and open at all times. And while for everything else it has been okay this particular thing was always too vague and dodgy.

    I really do love her and while I understand what I feel can be detrimental to me in this relationship I feel like I have to at least try everything I can as much as possible. I'm getting that recommended book and I'm not showing this to her for now while I asses in what "condition" she's in.

  • shepherdless

    The advice from posters such as "Witness My Fury" and "DJS" might seem blunt and harsh, but it is the best advice.

    It is hard for an outsider to understand the grip the cult. You may think that if you use the right logical explanation, the right information, the right biblical interpretation, etc you can get her to see the cult for what it is. You will NEVER succeed with intellectual reasoning.

    You would be better off doing some research on how cults control minds at an emotional level, and learning what you are up against.

    If you end up marrying this girl, this will be your life. You will eventually find that you will not be able to attend birthdays or xmas functions any more. She will be gone 2 times a week to attend meetings. You will be under constant pressure to attend them yourself. Social ties with others become strained, because she can't attend so many things. Then you find that the only people who you can mix with together are the cult drones. You will start to notice that the cult drones are friendly in the way insurance salesmen are friendly; always looking to offer a product you don't want. Those cult drones will often be vacuous airheads, and you will notice that a lot of them depend on some form of social security to get by. And then if you have kids, it gets a whole lot worse.

    Therefore, save yourself a life of misery, and walk away. It may be painful now, but you will really regret it later if you don't.

  • Vidiot
    concernCitizen - "Can an atheist date a JW?"

    Why would one want to?

  • Scully

    An atheist can date whomever they like who is agreeable to dating an atheist. JWs, not so much.

  • Finkelstein

    ConcernCitizen If you don't already know JWS are forbidden to marry outside of the faith, it can happen but the person who does is chastised and regarded as weak, in other words she in this case would be marked, probably not allowed to participate in service work or any other participation with in the congregation.

    Being black marked in a JW congregation isn't a lot of fun for the person for they are associated with but not on a close personal level.

    If you are not in any way interested in being a JW then you should really think about what your doing with careful and compassionate consideration.

    It really is up to your girlfriend if she is just playing the interested role as JW just to keep a close relationship with her mother or she really wants to keep on being a devout JWS.

    If she is baptized as a JW and she marries a non-jws she could get disfellowshipped , her mother would have to stop any relationship with her or be severely restrained, including yourself.

    These are the circumstances you have to be aware of is your thinking about continuing on with this relationship on a long term .

    Take care ...

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