Fading or Disassociating

by Saethydd 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Saethydd

    I guess after I'm financially stable and away from the organization I'll have to do my best to find a kind agnostic girl who can see through religious smokescreens if I want to avoid her ever being convinced by the Witnesses someday.

  • Giordano

    Welcome to the forum Saethydd.

    Even though I know in my head what I should do, my heart still feels torn. I still feel as if I'm betraying all of my family and friends by doubting the organization they regard so highly.

    I think you've gotten it wrong my friend........ getting baptized at ten is kinda sorta child abuse. You were betrayed by family to sign a life long contract with a corporation/religion which has been and still is reckless with the health, welfare and education of it's members.

    You had no idea what you were in for. Your parents should have discouraged you until you were much older. Jesus waited until he was thirty.......everybody seems to forget that.

    Waking up does feel like your heart has been torn.

    However It sounds like your parents are not willing to throw you out. They are making it possible to get on with your life. As long as you are willing to live in their house follow the house rules.....do try to get reinstated........other wise you will continue to be punished and/or your parents will be punished for the rest of their lives if they want to keep you in their life. The Society uses coercion to keep the congregation clean (actually it's obedience the Society really wants).

    Your silence as to what you really believe is the trade off for your living arrangement which allows you to at least get a 2 year degree.

    If you started last fall you have only a year and a half left to get that first degree. The AA is important because it keeps the door to higher learning open. It makes it easy to go back to school in a couple of years.

    If you decide you can't take the duel life any longer and have that degree find a job....... hopefully in the field you are interested in.

    You can study on line and take classes and sometimes an employee will work something out with you if you are going to become a more valuable employee.

    Making new friends through school and work is always a possibility. Start to build a separate life with new friends now because at some point you will have leave any number of JW relationships behind to live the kind of life you will be looking forward to.

  • Incognito

    Welcome to the forum.

    While I have reservations that the Society itself is evil and money-hungry, (the reason for this being that they do urge their followers to focus on the preaching work instead of wealth,

    Yet, JWs with money will typically be treated more favorably than those without, regardless of how much preaching either do.

    While the society urges followers not to focus on wealth, the society's focus and urgings of late, is for followers to donate more and more $ to the WT. Whatever donations received are never enough even as the sale of Brooklyn properties resulted in over $1 Billion for WT.

    I would still be treated differently I know, but perhaps it wouldn't be quite so bad, though on the other hand if I fade then every time I do interact with my friends and family they would probably be trying to bring me back into the "truth."

    Although we are not DF'd or DA'd but simply faded away, and although we say nothing negative, my family treat us as though we are DF'd anyway.

    You are the best judge as to how your family would treat you. If they are the type that non attendance and no FS is equal to turning your back on Jehovah, then it maybe best to not worry about reinstatement just so you can walk away.

    Many find that once they know the real truth about 'the truth', they can no longer tolerate attending meetings and pretending to be someone they are not, just to be favored by a few elders who will not accept them for who they are.

    If you haven't been watching Leah Remini's show on Scientology, then I highly urge you to. The parallels to JWs & WT cannot be ignored.

  • Saethydd

    Yet, JWs with money will typically be treated more favorably than those without, regardless of how much preaching either do.

    I guess I've never personally observed this, but then again I don't think I've ever been in a congregation with a large wealth disparity among its members.

    I have however noticed the shift in focus towards donations in past few years, in fact, I recall a Circuit Overseer saying something along the lines of, "we should have the people on our magazine routes trained to give us donations," and that never sat quite right with me. I can also recall at least a half-dozen votes in the past few years about passing resolutions concerning how much money our congregation sends the branch out of its local donations on top of what they received from the Worldwide Work. Those things bothered me a bit but I tried not to dwell on them, though I never did try to "train" my magazine calls to give me donations.

    You are the best judge as to how your family would treat you. If they are the type that non attendance and no FS is equal to turning your back on Jehovah, then it maybe best to not worry about reinstatement just so you can walk away.

    As far as that goes, I'm honestly not sure, I've got a few cousins who aren't really involved in the "truth" at all, and my family did attend their weddings and baby showers and such, but none of those cousins ever got baptized in the first place, so it may be completely different with me.

  • iwasblind

    Hi Saethydd

    I am always so excited when I hear about young people waking up, especially knowing they are going to college and getting an education.

    Congratulations, it is a big journey and it sounds like you have just started. You will be amazed how deep the programming is with this religion.

    We chose the fading route due to family and also being well known in a city. It also has it's challenges and you still face the "family crap" even when you are not DF'd. Regardless for us I still feel it is better not to be treated like a leper because we have such a big family.

    All the best with your journey.

  • pbrow

    getting out while still young... priceless!

    Only you can determine what your next step is. Remember though that people will treat you poorly only if you allow them to. If you have people in your life that treat you poorly, cut them out of your life like the cancer they are.

    Whether you decide to make a clean break or fade you are in an envious position. I am sure you are nervous because of the unknown of depending completely on yourself. You can and will get to the other side of this decision. Personal freedom is worth every moment of anxiety and every drop of sweat that you will no doubt have to go through. Be true to yourself and keep searching!

    good luck,


  • Saethydd

    After examining my feelings more deeply, I think I know what it really is that has my heart torn. Part of me wants to sit back and quietly fade out to avoid the consequences that a "noisy" departure would bring, however, I also desperately want to tell all of my family and friends about the reasons for my doubts in the hopes that they will join me in leaving. But my own personal experience inside the group, and all of your experiences that I have read tell me that I would likely convince no one on account of how thoroughly they are indoctrinated, and thus I would only further alienate those I care about. Heh, it's situations like these that make me wish I could "quicksave" life like a video game and test out my argument on them, then reload it if it turns out they can't be swayed.

  • megaboy

    Maybe you could read some of the stuff your parents gave you and write up and counter everything you can, siting sources and complete proof. That way you dont have to talk to them and go through emotional loops in a conversation. They'll have the document to have a clear understanding.

    A rotten tree can NEVER produce good fruit. A house that is built on a faulty foundation can not support itself.

  • Vidiot
    Incognito - "...the society urges followers not to focus on wealth..."

    Yeah, they should leave that to the professionals. :smirk:

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