When I first started looking at “apostate” sites , I was always watching over my shoulder, hoping no one would catch me viewing “spiritual pornography”. I found these types of sites mesmerizing but I never thought I’d join one.... look at me now.😈
Did You Ever Think You Would Be A Member On A Site Like This?
I used to come on the site when my ex wasn't home or was asleep in bed or when I sat skiving in one of the small school rooms during a meeting. I always deleted my browsing history for this site straight away after being on it in case someone suspected me so they'd have no proof if the elders asked to look at my internet history. Looking back on it now it was ridiculous really but the fear of being caught was real.
Never in a million years! When I first had the courage to look my heart was beating so hard and I was nervous as hell. I thought I was sinning against god. So much for that lol!
Tishie's site was the first one I became familiar with, way before I even owned a computer, used to read it at work and when I wasn't working I used to go the library just about daily to keep up with.
I never ever thought I would be on a site like this.
I used to look up jws and ex jws on aol! I was super scared though.
NEVER! We were diehard JWs. Loyal to the core!. "Apostates" were "evil". Plus most who were reported to be "apostates" or of the "evil slave class" that I had ever seen making a scene at conventions and such were "weird". [Think Rick "whats-his-name"].
The first thing to soften my attitude was the Time magazine article on Ray Franz' removal from the GB. He expressed no malice. He still seemed to be a sincere "man of God". Of course COC to me was like a cross to a vampire. NO WAY was I going to read that.
Even when first beginning to doubt and Google searches led me to this site and jwfacts and others -- I was scared shitless! I was like the guy in the WT photos who was sneaking porn! Don't get caught! Clear the history!
Even when starting to lurk here, I set up an anonymous email address to join. (Not sure I even know what it is, so better never forget the password!) And then to garner up the courage to post here -- OMG! I was even a bit of an apologist then. I still thought the Borg could change. Thus my name here.
So goes my crossing over to "the DARK SIDE".1
I used to get even dry mouth and an elevated heart-rate when viewing apostate sites like jwfacts and this site. But once I joined, critical 'thought' and reasoning made me believe there was nothing really to fear but 'man'. It was all made up, the WT was all made up. Nothing really to fear.
When I left, there were no sites like this, and there was no internet. So there's that. I did, however, used to sneak looks in unauthorized books about the Witnesses at the puiblic library, things like "Visions of Glory," which fueled my curiosity about the actual history of the movement since the "official" accounts in the Yearbook, and that dopey "Divine Purpose" book just didn't cut it for me.
I'd long been out when the Internet came along, but "watchtower" was one of the first things I ever entered into a search engine just out of curiosity to see what would come up. I used to read the old H20 site in the 90s, and I've actually been reading this site on an off-again on-again basis since it began but only recently figured I'd throw in my two cents here and there. I used to really enjoy the serious pieces on WTBTS history such as the stuff Farkel came up with on the Judge, and I really really enjoyed JT's posts on the inside stuff at Bethel. Miss those guys a lot.
Never in a million years. Im still not sure if its a blessing or a curse the impact a person has had on me, making me grow up and become a better person while i see the other person go down the rabbit whole deeper and deeper where i dont recognize them anymore.