Edited by - SpannerintheWorks on 7 February 2003 12:23:53
To German JW or Any Other German Speakers
Experiences more formerly showedJehovas
Recently I checked weave "only so to the joke" in that under "Jehovas witnesses". I was a witness in the second generation who left the company beginning 1975. That is my story:
I never believed, I would do that until I began to read dozens of witness former by experience report, and saw that my characteristic experiences and my life story repeated themselves in these stories always and always.
A compelling reason to announce my experience, is would give that I had held yet until before short on that, it also much goods in the "organization". Well, says lay once, there I however full beside it. Therefore it goes: the new-world-translation of Johannes 1:1, and that what happens REALLY with the leading corporation and the Wachtturm president. Until before short did not occur me in the dream, could be the witnesses Jehovas a sect. It are you.
My earliest memory of my upbringing to the witness Jehovas was when I old was four years and my mother decided, it would be time to begin with the training to the religion servant. It directed remained me to repeat again and again, until it me in the memory: "I have the Wachtturm and that awakes for only 10 cents." When it thought grasped, I it, knocked it at a door, said: "my son would like them something say", and pushed me softly before. I WAS STIFF BEFORE ANXIETY! I returned myself and hidden behind its skirt. That made transfer it rather, but she caught herself and turned the usual WT-Verkaufstaktik on.
When I was old 10 years, was said would be me, it time to register itself into the sermon service training. I was always a good student; it so represented for me no problem to read Bible verses, that were me trains part. When I was at the row to place me before everyone, WAS I AGAIN STIFF BEFORE ANXIETY! My voice volumes closed themselves, and I was able to bring out the text with scarcely more than a Wispern. First after three further Bible readings in the sermon service training, I was able to conclude the task without losing my voice.
I had extreme lamps fever in my entire life. It let to abandon me after 20 years study finally my dream to become concert pianist. Was that caused through the named experiences? I do not know, but it seems to be more than a bare chance.
No vaccination against polio for me
When I was in the first class, polio was one of the most feared illnesses in the world. Millions of persons died on that or became verkrppelt. Iron lungs never ran for nothing.
The vaccine against polio after Salk just had been developed, but it yet further had to be tested before it was generally accessible. My school was as an ausersehen where the test row should take place. My mother did not allow based on its understanding of the Wachtturm apprenticeship that I got the vaccine. I know no longer whether the receiving of the vaccine at that time, 1953, of which company always yet officially was forbidden, but I know, that that was forbidden previously.
When I was 1962 in the 9th class, the oral Polioimpfstoff was introduced after Sabin and was declared to be certainly. Again my mother allowed recovered not, that I it -based on its "Christian conscience" in this thing.
I closed myself no polio. I had VERY large good fortune.
My baptism; over everything anxiety was
I was in my young years a right Bible researcher and concluded at 12 years of age let baptize myself. First my parents, I thought would be too young, but finally convinced I it therefrom that I loved Jehova so very, that I was ready to become one his it inherited servant. The ACTUAL truth is that I had so very anxiety to be destroyed of Jehova if I did not let baptize myself, that I did it.
When I was old about 14 years, should hold another Teenagerfreund of me a talk in the service meeting. I said to it: "let do us once something other jolly. We represent the material in form of a dumb film. You say something, and I play in addition something suitable on the piano. We make exactly that alternating." It was agreed, and we prepared ourselves some days long enthusiastically on that. If it spoke about the paradiesischen earth, I should play "cheerful" music in addition, or if it spoke over Harmagedon, something like the sorrow march of Chopin. That was the idea. We had planned to give the listeners something to laugh. None laughed. I mean also really "no". One gave the advice to us that such presentations would be unsuitable. It seems that the "happiest persons only then happily are on the earth", if they hear that lovely blutrnstigen stories of the Gemetzels, that will come over the "world", because the persons have not the message certain for it by God loving intention beherzigt.
In a district congress in San Francisco when I was old about 14 years, performed I voluntary service in the cafeteria. With one my came round off a youth to me to and showed on a chair in the cafeteria. Do "you see this chair? THAT is gnarl sat the chair, on the brother this morning in the breakfast. I am herbergelaufen and sat down on that to tell only around my friends that I did it. I came myself as something special before!"
Anxiety and once again anxiety
During my entire 27-year-old experience as a witness Jehovas, I had always mortal fear before God. I did not perceive an only time in the entire time a narrow, loving relation to it. When I expressed that some years ago vis--vis my mother, she, I said should "God of full fear of dear". Is that not a contradiction in itself?
How do, that I see now, can love GENERALLY SOMEONE a God, who is nominally so vindictive vis--vis its characteristic creation, its characteristic "children"? I as a father of my children NEVER could my children torments or kill, are me equal like disobedient vis--vis it, equal like often it me verfluchten. Furthermore I never have my children physically gezchtigt and would become it also never. But naturally the "God of the eternal life and the dear" can that. IT can extinguish with force of 99.9% the persons; women, children and infant on planet although they offered it in quiet and honestly on its manner, but do not react simply in the "correct" manner if someone divides the "good message" with them. Naturally God so could act. Would it but do that? I think, no.
I was 1965 already in the last class of the High School and had been most time over a good student. Vietnam raged in full power. I had belaid sufficient kernel choice specialties so that I needed go in the last year every day only until 11.00 clock into the school in order to make then the termination. In the afternoon I was pioneer. Naturally one had me since I was able to think, said, I should not go on the College because the time so shortly would be and one would teach in the College the evolution and that would ruin me. My training deliberation said me, I would have an excellent chance to received a full scholarship for some excellent universities. But after that "loving shepherd efforts", that I recovered of the brothers with regard to the Collegebesuch, that should not be.
I am condemned for dying
The pioneer service was the hell. The purest hell! While my classes comrades led a comfortable life on the school, I was outside and knocked in two feet deep snow at doors. I had to preach most time alone. Did so many a time I say to me even: "what I DO there actually? These people want to receive my message not at all. All these thousands of hours, and with me it is no little better." "What do I make wrong, Jehova?" Betete I always.
Now, after some time, it became went me too much, and so to preach I place the Bowlingbahn and into the game hall. But what was with my "quota" of 100 hours? How should I go around therewith? The meeting overseer was an Ex-Gileadschler and in the meeting very feared. I personally despised it. He got excellent talks before the meeting over this and that, and then he came himself regularly with other brothers to us home and betrank with my father while they spoke over the witnesses apprenticeship. Now, I treated my 100-stunden-quote 100-stunden-quote hours 100-stunden-quote quota brilliant: I put on the sheet. But I had an enormous compunction at the same time. I knew that I was convicted in the angry hands Jehovas to the annihilation. But I became in the game hall always better.
My redemption trial: goods works
In the year 1967, I encountered an older brother who had a fool because of my "biblical" white thirst at me gefressen. It possessed hundreds of Watchtower- and Awake editions into the 19th century back. It gave me it everyone. It provided me also a copy one beeches written by Joseph Rutherford. What a treasure! I read it everyone. In addition it gave me another original sentence of the photos of the photo drama the creation.
At that time I lived in one other state, and my former meeting overseer (that itself always with my father betrank) found out that I had the slides of the photo drama. It called me and asked would exist whether I would give it to it, because it thought, at the brothers and sisters in the entire country a large interest on that to throw a view into our past. So I sent it it with joys although I knew, that they were of the witness-Jehovas-standpoint out of very valuable collector pieces. It began 1967 therewith to introduce the photo drama, and it makes that yet until today (1997), thirty years later. Naja, entirely agrees that not: it was excluded before a row of years and was received later again. This man quite is confessed for its photo drama presentations. I was insulted because it never called and thanked itself. I do not suppose is, to do that its type.
With 19, I married out of the witness usual reasons: hormone pushes in the internal battle with the moral standards of the witnesses Jehovas. Before we married, led my fiancee and I a "loose life change" (what always THAT mean should), and I was full guilt. That, together with the untruths on my sermon service report slip of paper, had convicted me for always, believed I. But perhaps, perhaps I was able to balance it with many prayers and larger exertion and was able to attain forgiveness. The committee confession? Never! I already had seen how it the call all too many youths had destroyed, who let himself only of something Petting therefrom deceit youthful. Perhaps Jehova would massacre me, but at least it would not ruin my call at all the people, whom I long knew a life.
With beginning 20, I was an aufstrebender witness Jehovas: I traveled to other meetings and got was transmitted myself an hour long talks, the second sermon service training and was I pioneer and book studies servant.
Finally encountered me the fate in form of a summoning command. Because of my refusal to serve in the army, I was found an offence against an alliance law for indebted and was convicted to 2 years with weekly 40 hours "more voluntarily" community activity. (A further Oxymoron!) I dismantled became my time, and finally totally and unconditional pardons. But although I never sat until there and also later in the prison, I must answer on each document honest manner with "yes" if I am asked, whether I am vorbestraft. I am however happy that I must not to Vietnam. For that I thank the witness Jehovas.
While this time spent I to help many hours therewith, an old youth friend, who was grown up as a witness in the third generation. It was at present a perfect Agnostiker. This friend had been in my wedding Trauzeuge, and he was my narrowest friend. Its mother was himself to the anointed and its grandfather counted the father a member the leading corporation. I would not like to name the name because that always yet of the leading corporation listened to. I asked it again and again instndig, each possible writing place using to return into the "truth". It did that finally, and we remained further the best friends. I knew it most part of my life.
Grief is have also a custom
I have fall here yet nothing over malicious and permanent talk, other in the back, have tear power at itself, manipulating, malicious gloating in Gemeinschaftsentzgen, public reprimand and generally human grief tells -things that there was in each meeting, that I visited.
That is now once so. And the same applies to the obsession at the witnesses with sex.
I want to mention yet a story. It was excluded became, against the composed politics of the "company", already middle of the '1970er's, if someone to inform the total meeting about that wherein the "crime" existed. It only was said: "because of a behavior unseemly for Christians", or so something similar.
I believe, that has more therewith to do that the company lost several slander processes, than therewith that the victims should be protected against a public humiliation. Does money reign that "divine politics", like it of the "faithful and notify transmitted becomes slave"? Again the reader can answer the question itself. I know the answer already.
How also always, the overseer stood therefore before the meeting and announced sadly the Gemeinschaftsentzug of these (more naturally) sisters in the age of 16 and 17 years. After it had read a row of writing place to the subject, it had come obviously to the end. Yet not entirely. It slammed its Bible and said before the entire meeting in selbstgeflligen and selbstgerechtem sound: "dear girls become just not pregnant!" In the listener shaft, the parents sat both girls. One can imagine how they felt, when they heard these words. Later the partnership was withdrawn the daughter of this overseer because of the same thing.
This overseer approached one day on me and referred me earnestly on that, my hair in the nape touches already the collar of my white shirt. Let such long hair be unacceptable for a service office assistant, said it. Cut off or lose the service office. Several young brothers, under that also I, asked it whether we would be allowed to grow let ourselves moustaches. That was about 1973 when long hair were to be seen and beards everywhere. It said "no" because we would remove" ourselves then "of others. A year the o. k was later. Would become one slyly from that.
The passion because of 1975
If someone whom this reads was not, in the late 1960er and the early '1970er's in the organization, and said got, had been most brothers and sisters at that time bereifrig and would have engaged with regard to 1975 speculations, believe it not. I joined in that everything.
Are if the heralds such new given and never with regard to the number of the months to existence directions, that may last a Bible study (and if the presumable sheep itself not yet decided would have, itself baptize to let, would must the study for concluded declared become), what otherwise one would think? Must the "end" not yet directly be forthcoming, aware? The company did all in its power standing to convince us that THIS TIME however SICHER Harmagedon would be forthcoming.
Were if such statements published as well as: "it concerns only days or weeks" or: "thinks only, brothers, us remain only months", what otherwise one should think there?
Does if the kingdom service report of brothers and sisters, who sell all, what they have in order to make pioneer service, and then someone says something akin to: "that is certainly something fine in the remaining short time", what otherwise one should think there? Did Jehova lead yet finally its organization through its holy intellect, or?
A young brother whom I knew, and that years at that time first 25 was old, said to the oldest in our meeting that he would lose soon its teeth, if he would not fix let himself it quickly. It preferred it let fix it Jehova because the new order was so near. Now, and what did the oldest say? Did they ask it to practice retention, to be careful, to not to emphasize to very the year 1975? They did not do no, that. What should otherwise one think there?
Are if graphic representations published, that outline each Millennium and put the beginning of the seventh Millenniums directly on the autumns 1975, what otherwise one should think there?
Does if one read everywhere the words in the literature "trustworthy" and "dependable" Bible chronology regarding the year 1975, what otherwise one should think there?
Do if we see the large influx of new witnesses in obvious fulfillment of biblical Prophetie, that knock in the years before 1975 to the herd, what otherwise one should think there?
See if we would suffice to that, that the joyful expectation under the brothers and sisters regarding 1975 NATURALLY its way back to the leading corporation finds recognize should think, and we no clear proofs, that the company with regard to our expectations "the brake pulls", what otherwise one there?
No, rather readers, we witnesses did not abandon at that time the self-control, speculated not wildly, arrived not hasty at speculative ends. We acted only in agreement with that wherewith one nourished us. We became of the Wachtturm company slyly verfhrt and acted in agreement with this seduction. We became on similar manner verfhrt as well as Eva of satan in the paradise. That is the most suitable analogy that I can find.
Fortunately I did not await long enough in order to see how the Wachtturm company made later an about-face and the characteristic brothers deceived, in that it accused THIS to have pulled hasty ends in that one explained hypocritical: "no, that have we not said."
In contrast to that, what is taught today, were to be tried that of us very honestly therein to find out of the publications of the company out, what would have it with 1975 on itself. We waited enthusiastically for each periodical and issued ourselves over each word and tried very honestly not, "more out of that to make" what stood actually written.
My turning point: arrogance and hypocrisy of the circle overseer
Because I was pioneer and possessed responsible positions in the meeting, gave me one the "privilege", the circle overseer and his wife when they were on a visit, to invite for meal. My wife decided to a delicious (and expensive) Lunch on the honor guests. I had something at the day until directly before its visit in the yard to do. I carried jeans and T-Shirt, and a couple of grass spots had was the jeans, but otherwise I clean.
We had a very comfortable Lunch, and the circle overseer thanked amiably and friendlily for our hospitality. When it left our meeting to the next allocation, called me the meeting overseer to itself. "The circle overseer said really would have annoyed me, you it. You had the honorable privilege to prepare it a meal, and in spite of its high position in the company, you had not the propriety yourself to clothe yourself for this visit. It asked me to see of now at after further signs of unripe with you."
Did I think with me: "who, believes the circle overseer actually that he is? GOD? Does this arrogant hypocrite smile fells me into the face, and me then because of my work in the yard in the back?" I had questioned at present already my religion very, and this event was for me a turning point.
I had taken things how guaranteed or earlier had surveyed, carefully examined that I now. I began to work earnestly on that, to behave no longer like a robot and to parrot the witnesses jargon, without hearing really on that, what someone said.
In our meeting, there was lived an esteemmed anointed, that to that time already for almost 50 years in the Bethel and was that also the ONLY in the USA outside of the Bethels, that something was allowed to print of the literature of the company. This man was looked at in the meeting almost as "more reverently". With new ears, I listened its speeches. The truth was, it was able to formulate the half time over no correct sentence, and the most was Geschwafel.
I betrank me regularly with the oldest and of other servant the meeting. It was Sunday mornings an unspoken joke if we came totally verkatert to the Wachtturm study, alternating in the bathroom delivered to us and waved us one another if we returned on our places.
But usually it was the howling misery in the meeting that I began to note. Songs were tuned with the enthusiasm of a dirge. Answers on questions were given with monotonous voice. No enthusiasm. Nothing of the happiest people on earths. I felt at that time only happily, if I me betrank.
I would like OUT!
I concluded, to go. That is not the God whom I would like offered. Of this organization, I would like to separate myself. Would kill me, Jehova. That is me also equal. These people are hypocrite, and it am I also. If I will die, I want to have previously yet joke. Did I do the final breach beginning 1975. I Had worries that I would be destroyed therefore perhaps in some months, if the "large came crack"? But very certainly. The October 1975 was a terrible month for me. So much influence had all yet on me although I was convinced, let this be not the true religion. But it was not me equal whether Harmagedon would come or. I wanted OUT.
Annihilation of persons in the Kielwasser of the witnesses Jehovas
I thought about year after the way gear much over people, loved had with whom I largely had become, that I, whom I had entrusts me, the friends been were, and what had become out of many since then. Here some very sad results are: :
My mother had raised me as witnesses Jehovas: it has been for almost 50 years thing with good call. It began before almost 20 years to take of the symbols. It has got for more than 35 years permanently antidepressants. It goes rarely to the meetings or into the field service.
My father: since almost forty years active witness. Under the threat of a Gemeinschaftsentzugs, it abandoned the smoking and the drinking fifteen years ago simultaneously.
My sister: since the last four years with its man in the Betheldienst. A wonderful person.
The only son of my sister, when witness grown up: because of tried murder in a schiefgelaufenen drug thing in the prison.
Your only daughter, also as a thing grown up: the partnership left.
My best friend the entire time over and my Trauzeuge: hate against me consumes itself full. Serves presently as oldest.
Its mother, sister of a Gliedes of the leading corporation, whom I disclosed with its second man and who has counted for almost 60 years to the anointed: "Doug is a settled idiot, because he the truth leaves."
The mother my first wife, who was for me the best mother-in-law whom one only can wish for: has had for 22 years no more word with me spoken. I belonged that it speaks only badly over me, when always the speech comes me also. It flew 1000 miles in order to hear my first a-hours-talk when I was witness. It has been already for 25 years an active pioneer sister.
Another good friend, Ex-Bethelbewohner and in general a wonderful comrade: its very young woman lost shortly after the birth of its first child because she got hemorrhage and they wanted to suppose no lebensrettendes blood. Always yet as oldest actively.
Friend another, who climbed of the pioneer over special pioneer and Bethelbewohner to the missionary: excluded. Became heavily drug-addicted.
The father of a further friend who has been for many years meeting overseer: excluded, received again, excluded again.
The man, who was my sermon service training servant and trusted me the my first wife and in our meeting: excluded.
The meeting overseer out of my children time: pioneer, Bethelmitarbeiter, missionary, circle overseer: excluded, received again. Always yet actively.
The young man, who was placed before court and was convicted, and that with me the punishment absa because he refused to perform the summoning to the military sequence: Gemeinschaftsentzug.
My first daughter, who was raised by its mother as a thing: the partnership left.
The mother of my first daughter: the partnership left years ago.
A further brother, who had many years intercourse frequent long with my parents: excluded, now dead, acute alcoholic, died homeless on the street.
The son of this man, who performed the "vacations pioneer service" in young years with me frequently: has lived for now 30 years in a psychiatric hospital. Its largest worry when we were young Teenager, was the punishment that it would have to expect because of masturbation.
I so could continue, but I do not do it. It makes me ready to think about over all that once again.
I am outside!
When I separated myself finally from Jehovas witnesses, I lost to expect how, all friends, under that lifelong.
But I never regretted my decision. Actually I will strengthen from time to time even yet therein.
Few years later, about 1977, I was in a bar and spoke with a bar acquaintance, that I knew already some months long. I told its that I had been a witness. It verschlug its the language! It informed me that it had been for five year special pioneer and ten years pioneer general long. It had concluded the Gileadschule and had served also several years as a missionary. We exchanged our experiences, and certainly enough: that were! We laughed and laughed ourselves, and then betranken we together!
I called about 10 years after my way gear my best earlier friend. It was that that I had helped into the "truth" zurckzubringen and that had been my Trauzeuge. Earlier attempts let revive our friendship again, were failed. It was very coldly to me and placed clearly that it wanted to have no intercourse with me. Yet one day I calculated myself: "what kind of nonsense. That is now already 10 years here. Persons become more ripe. Things change. I will call and see it once again, so make what it."
Again it was not only very cold to me, but rather expressed hostile. It said, also if I (my knowledge) never formally was excluded, I could become that very well. It drivelled, let I be worse than a dog, that returned to its Gespei. Finally I said to it: "maintenance men once. Would remember you how that was everything! It that months spent therewith was I, you against into the truth zurckzubringen. It that constructed you was I, so that you became again intellectually strong. Also as you God flattened have, left I you never. I never broke my friendship with you. Show you on, what you say to me. Where is the famous DEAR of the witnesses permanently preaches Jehovas, over that its? Can we not encounter ourselves simply on a conversation about that, what so happened in the last 10 years in our life, without bringing the language on religion? I not already will bite you. I become not you already with one 'dmoneninspirierten' disloyal manure the brain wash." It reciprocated selbstgefllig: "that I will not do, but because you make a such large thing from that, we can speak one day. That is me so or so equal." I concluded that it was not the thing valued. Its brain wash hate sat simply too deep.
I learn genuine God love
After I had left the partnership, I spent the next 20 years with the search for Spiritualitt in different directions. , What do NOT understand Jehovas witnesses under the word Spiritualitt, namely: "exactly that do, what one said becomes." Some years I was long Agnostiker; I have flattened God repeatedly. Then geriet I at the anonymous alcoholics and began the experience (and this time could I say, the ACTUAL EXPERIENCE) to make a personal, loving, kind and forgiving God. A God who forgives, equal whether we regret or am not, rather therefore, because it the being of God to forgive its children and to love it. I learned a GOD WHO LOVES UNCONDITIONAL. I felt safely and protected and encircle and umsorgt and nourished and LOVED. The witnesses speak permanently of "agape", seem to keep in mind however never, what REALLY means the word. Without forgiveness, there can be no agape. I thought: "if God me its dear and forgiveness without conditions show can, fells me the regret much more easily, because no compulsion therewith connected is."
I had a while with clairvoyant to do, but I never made demonic or traumatic experiences. Does incidentally note: who needs already a clairvoyant if it is given us to address itself to the correct source for the answers on our questions?
I studied eastern apprenticeships and came to the end that the thread of divine truth is to be found at many places, if one holds only earnestly end show. Then I became a Christian (for the first time in my life!)
Yet the most important, that I learned on my path, is, is that that what I believe, important to me, but that that is important to YOU, what YOU believe and learn. I have not the slightest right to try my belief of other up clamp. And certainly I have no license of the creator to convict other, should be its most internal convictions others as my.
Finally I would like yet Raymond Franz and Joseph Malik for its contributions to my life thank. I feel a deep abandon in both men at God, humility, courage and would become. Seem to cultivate no grudge against other, that had deceived it many decades of its life, to both men. I perceive that vis--vis all, that had the courage and the propriety, to escape out of this destruktiven sect by the name of witnesses Jehovas. Peace and contentment you all.
If you do not belong to the witnesses Jehovas, but play with the thought to become one, would be you its aware that my story is really no individual case. My experiences as a witness are believe would like much sooner the "standard", than you perhaps. You are got to hear such stories to be sure scarcely of active witness. They are not dishonest. They have rather ANXIETY what could happen with them, if they would raise the voice and the truth would say. Draw lots, like if you, also other stories. Would make your characteristic discoveries. We do not invent so somewhat. It happened. Our stories and experiences have work too much jointly, and we in no case in any type of "plot" against the company together.
If you are a witness Jehovas and play with the thought, to go, would take courage. If you really decide yourself, to go, will find you that there is a fraternity of wonderful persons outside of the WachtturmMauern, that support and comfort you. It likes to be not easily for you to left the witnesses, but it is possible. I looked back no only time.
Jehova loves you unconditional, and Jehova never destroys you because you seek honestly answers on things, that confuse you perhaps and unfortunately make in a life. Would not trust on it, on a defective and of persons made organization. View to it after answers up. Then you can encounter decisions with its aid.
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Edited by - SpannerintheWorks on 7 February 2003 13:34:27
Edited by - SpannerintheWorks on 7 February 2003 13:23:4
I have read your story, Doug! I am a German speaker! HIHI! It is sad!