One pissed off dolphin

by Dolphin57 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dolphin57

    Hey all. I am so pissed off at the elders right now that its not even funny. My spiritual grandmother died recently. I have posted all about this and my fear of having to return to the Hall for a memorial. I dont have to have that fear now.*grumble*

    Little bit about her: Dorothy Foster was her name. She has been a Witness all of her life. She got older and she couldnt drive so brothers and sisters would drive her to and from the meetings. When she got too sick to come to the meetings, she would listen on the phone. She loved the meetings and listened to every one.

    Once she stopped coming to the meetings, people forgot about her. Elders wouldnt bring her the KM or mags. We even gave them self-addressed stamped envelopes and they still couldnt find the time to give her the KMs!! My mother took her into our house from the retirement home her real family had placed her. We gave her an apartment in our home and cared for her.

    Brothers and sisters would often visit and she loved that. Her health rapidly got worse and we had to put her in a home for 24-hour care. She still got a few visitors but like she used to. Then she passed away. Her natural family, who abandoned her here in Florida suddenly, has taken interest. Her body was sent there for burial in the family plot. Now they are accusing my mother of manipulation. They are saying we forced Dorothy to sign everything over to my mom. My mom is the heir and executor of the will. She gets everything. They are pissed and are threatening to take us to court. I am assured their claim wont hold up but it still stresses me out how vicious they are being.

    I have wandered a bit, I am so mad at the elders. My grandma wished in her will that she have a memorial in the Kingdom Hall she attended with the people who she loved, the witnesses. Well, my mother called the head elder and told him of Dorothys wishes. He told her that it would be too much of an inconvenience to squeeze her in. The meetings were flipped around due to an assembly and I guess it was too much trouble. He said he would bring it up at the next elders meeting and see what the others think. He called my mom back about three days later and asked permission to make an announcement at the meetings about Dorothy passing. He didnt say a word about a memorial.

    Two weeks went by and NO ONE called or visited. Except the few I used to be really close with and they called my mom because I am the one who told them what happened. Other then the two of them, no one offered condolences or kind words or cards. Its as if she didnt matter to them. Now, not only is her ass family trying to weasel money, she hasnt had any kind of remembrance. Her body was taken to Virginia and they had the service the day we found out about it. I am so stressed out. This keeps me up at night and haunts my dreams. I have tried to call the elders but no one will talk to me, which makes me more mad. I left about 2 years ago without a word. I have been festering on this and I was afraid that if I didnt get it out I would explode. I am so angry with them. What kills me is the fact that these are the people who run the show. They forgot her in life and they refused her in death. Yet, she always thought well of them. WHAT kind of people are these?? I want so badly to have closure. Thank you for letting me vent. With the exception of a select few people, this is the only place I can speak so freely about how I feel. I am so glad to be here. *hugs all*


    Edited by - Dolphin57 on 5 February 2003 15:24:7

  • Gig

    "They forgot her in life and they refused her in death." Your anger is justified, I hope the venting helped, that it was more effective than counting or deep-breaths. I have no answer other than the obvious, just please know we feel you.

  • SixofNine

    Truly sickening. Not the least bit surprising.

  • freeman

    Unfortunately dolphin your anger may get another booster shot at her memorial as you sit there and realize that this meeting is more geared toward recruitment and reinforcing doctrine then a reflection of the deceaseds life. Sorry for your loss.


  • LovesDubs

    Perhaps if you write to the local paper either write a really nice obituary about her FOR her and dont even MENTION the Jws...who dont deserve it....or write to the columns in your local paper.

  • RedhorseWoman

    This situation sounds very similar to the one experienced by us when my mother became ill and subsequently died.

    She suffered a severe stroke, and spent the last 18 months of her life in a nursing home, requiring constant care. None of her brothers or sisters could bother to visit her.

    After her death, we did have a memorial service at the Hall, but it was so devoid of anything personal about Mom that I wished we hadn't done it. We later had a small family memorial service for her, which was SO much better than the official JW service.

    Edited by - RedhorseWoman on 5 February 2003 16:19:16

  • Francois

    Freeman makes a good point. What if her wishes about a KH service were honored and then used for their usual PR, recruitment, and bullshit. It would truly be an insult to a very unusual lady. And there are very few ladies at a KH.


  • D8TA

    Dear Elders,

    Never piss off Betty Page.

  • Been there
    Been there


    If you don't hear something soon, have your own little memorial somewhere nice (and friendly).

    You can say all the wonderful things you want about her.

  • Soledad

    hugs to you Dolphin I know how upsetting that whole ordeal must be, and I cant help but feel upset myself as I read your post. That's just how the JWs are, they talk a lot of s**t about "love, we are loving" but it's all just talk, their actions obviously show different.

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