Dear Outback Aussie
I've recently been through exactly the same experiences as your own. I was reinstated only a month ago, having been DF'd for the same reason as yours.
I'm gutted that the sister you were studying with said something so 'out of order'. I can totally understand how that must have completely turned you off the 'truth' and - case in point - you stopped going to the meetings.
My experience has been somewhat different, although early on in my 'back in the truth' stages. I too have battled with my emotions coming back into the truth, as I was away for about five years. Many times, I have had to run out of the Kingdom Hall, especially whilst the songs were played, in tears. Tears for what, I've wondered? Guilt? Fear? Happiness? Relief? It's hard sometimes to analyse.
The first Sunday after my re-instatement I was thrust straight into the Field Service. Yikes. Scary. Honestly and openly I said to Gwen (my new mentor), 'right, your go!....in fact.. you're going to have to do them all....cos I'm a bit scared'. Putting this in context, I was - years ago - a reg. pion. did my time blah blah.. But I know my limits. Gwen was wonderful and put me at ease. Suddenly, without realising it, I was speaking to some guy on a door. I was relaxed and comfortable.
When I go to the meetings, everyone greets me with a smile and genuine happiness that I'm 'back'. I find it a bit wierd sometimes (I quite liked it when I was DF'd because I didn't have to talk to anyone!) but the overall impression I get is that these people do love me.
One thing I have learnt over the years is that JWs are massively imperfect and sometimes overly judgemental. The only way I could get over that is by acknowledging that the only real reason we're in the truth is for Jehovah. If the 'organisation' ended tomorrow, for whatever reason, Jehovah is still 'there' for us and it's for him that we do this thing. So, if stupid people say ridiculous things, view it as a 'test'. Satan is trying his hardest to turn everyone away from the Truth and the best way he can do it is from within. Within the organisation.
I think you should talk to that sister about what she said to you. You know that it's never too late to come back into the Truth - she was talking b*******. Simple.
I'm glad that you're in a happy relationship now. Perhaps now, it's a better time for you to 'think about' going back to the meetings again.
Just concentrate on what's really important to you.