Sad to say, I had a very strange mindset as a young person, so all of this violence and horror sounded like "justice" to me.
I don't care if I sound like a feminist because I believe that I, a mere woman, am just as capable of learning, teaching, thought, understanding, and a host of other mental processes as anyone with a more prestigious anatomical structure.
I lived in a household where I had a narcissistic, bullying father and a pathetic, weak, dependent mother. This sort of situation does not breed healthy-minded children. It could be said that my siblings and I had a "false consciousness" about our status as equal citizens. My father told my brother not to take any crap from any of us females and gave him permission to use whatever may be available as a weapon to subdue us, but be assured that my so-called father used much cruder language.
My brother tried to kill me with a baseball bat one time. When I told my parents, they were angry with ME because the neighbors knew what happened. Some boys from the neighborhood came by as my brother was attacking me with a long stick and took the thing away from him and broke it into pieces. Then he got out the baseball bat. I slid and leaned back and stuck out my arm to shield myself, so he got me on the tip of my finger. On another occasion, my brother cracked a small baseball bat over the back of my hand, witnessed by the next-door neighbor, and elderly gentleman who was appalled. But I could not blame the child. He was doing what he believed was a righteous act. On some level, I believed it, too.
So I was easy pickings for an organization that love bombs potential converts.
I don't think I believe in love anymore except in a limited, perhaps situational, context, like the kindness of the boys who took that stick from my brother and saved me from at least one terrible beating.
BTW, my brother is a mega drug addict. He joined the army when he was young, got drunk, was in a serious auto accident in which the driver was killed. Subsequently, my "father," ever the excellent self-promoter and defender of those he chose, was able to get my brother total disability status with retirement from the armed services. So my brother has a large income (respectable welfare vs. the kind the rest of us might get if we were better able to promote our "victimhood") to spend on drugs. My sister is addicted to gambling, writing bad checks, and is very much like my dad, but a lot like my mom as well in the way she deals with her children, being co-dependent and eager to impress those she deems higher in status that ourselves.