How Many of U Really Believed This?

by eisenstein 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mum

  Sad to say, I had a very strange mindset as a young person, so all of this violence and horror sounded like "justice" to me.

  I don't care if I sound like a feminist because I believe that I, a mere woman, am just as capable of learning, teaching, thought, understanding, and a host of other mental processes as anyone with a more prestigious anatomical structure.

  I lived in a household where I had a narcissistic, bullying father and a pathetic, weak, dependent mother. This sort of situation does not breed healthy-minded children. It could be said that my siblings and I had a "false consciousness" about our status as equal citizens. My father told my brother not to take any crap from any of us females and gave him permission to use whatever may be available as a weapon to subdue us, but be assured that my so-called father used much cruder language.

  My brother tried to kill me with a baseball bat one time. When I told my parents, they were angry with ME because the neighbors knew what happened. Some boys from the neighborhood came by as my brother was attacking me with a long stick and took the thing away from him and broke it into pieces. Then he got out the baseball bat. I slid and leaned back and stuck out my arm to shield myself, so he got me on the tip of my finger. On another occasion, my brother cracked a small baseball bat over the back of my hand, witnessed by the next-door neighbor, and elderly gentleman who was appalled. But I could not blame the child. He was doing what he believed was a righteous act. On some level, I believed it, too.

  So I was easy pickings for an organization that love bombs potential converts.

  I don't think I believe in love anymore except in a limited, perhaps situational, context, like the kindness of the boys who took that stick from my brother and saved me from at least one terrible beating.

  BTW, my brother is a mega drug addict. He joined the army when he was young, got drunk, was in a serious auto accident in which the driver was killed. Subsequently, my "father," ever the excellent self-promoter and defender of those he chose, was able to get my brother total disability status with retirement from the armed services. So my brother has a large income (respectable welfare vs. the kind the rest of us might get if we were better able to promote our "victimhood") to spend on drugs. My sister is addicted to gambling, writing bad checks, and is very much like my dad, but a lot like my mom as well in the way she deals with her children, being co-dependent and eager to impress those she deems higher in status that ourselves.

  Regards,

  SandraC
• 

  eisenstein

  Rayzorblade,

  I am sorry you too had to endure such abuse as well. I agree that the way that the WTBTS portrays the woman's place in a patriarchal family is demeaning. Sometimes I would start reading a WT or A and sort of find some comfort at first, and then there would be a paragraph or article that as you say, "Puts women in their place". And the whole comfort I had got at first would automatically disappear. I truly believe that if there is an almighty male figure of a heavenly father that there is also an equal counterpart of a heavenly mother. I hear it sometimes when I listen to the radio and say, "Now if we had a spiritual mother this is something she would say to all of us", likewise with our heavenly father. And I just feel that if most religions put the woman in a higher place spiritually and equally there would be more freedom in the world, more peace and equality.
• 

  eisenstein

  Yes Francois,

  I agree. My family has been ripped apart by the act of disfellowshipping and shunning (my mother was disfellowshipped when I was ten and has never recovered). It cast a shadow over my whole family. I am actually in the process of writing my DA letter, but I went by the KH recently to get an address to mail it and can't find it, I think it is under the aluminum sliding doors. Very suspicious. But I am mentioning that in my letter...the whole dysfunctional act of disfellowshipping and breaking up families.

  eisenstein
• 

  eisenstein

  SandraC,

  I am deeply touched by your story!

  I am apalled by the abuse you and your sisters went through as a child by your brother and your father. I personally can relate to the dysfunctional outcome of your brother and sister. My stepfather abused our family, my mom and my two older brothers, and my older sister. One of my older brothers is addicted to drugs, he joined the army very young too and is now on Veteran's Disability and spends most of his money on his addiction, he lost his son when he was only 3 years old. My older sister got pregnant when she was 15 and even did drugs while she was pregnant. She lost her only daughter and granddaughter in the same year in 1993. My other older brother is still an active witness but, has had trouble too due to the abuse. Anyway, my twin sister is writing a book, it is such a sad saga that I will refrain from writing anymore here, but as I said I can relate to your experience and I hope you have peace in your adult life. Thank You for sharing.

  eisenstein

  Edited by - eisenstein on 1 February 2003 16:32:27

  Edited by - eisenstein on 1 February 2003 16:33:16
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  Satanus

  As a dub, yes, i believed that. For quite a few yrs i would watch the evening news to watch for signs of aggressions against church figures or buildings. Gawd, how negative it was.

  'God put it in their minds to rape, eat and burn the leftovers of the callgirl who had done them favors' -paraphrased. It backs up my contension that, in the bible, the bible god is the author of evil.

  The earth is our mother, as our bodies are taken from it. When one realises that, it's comforting, in a way.

  SS
• 

  Mum

  Thanks, eisenstein, for your understanding. I would like to write a book that is a compilation of JW stories. This forum alone would yield many volumes. I do find more peace every day, and life is better now than ever before. I hope you can say the same.

  Regards,

  SandraC