For Those of You Who Still Serve... How Do You Do It?

by Kingdom Evader 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Kingdom Evader
    Kingdom Evader

    New here... been lurking for some time now...

    I still serve... but with each passing day, it gets harder and harder. I'm slowly... SLOWLY working on my wife (I call her Mrs. Hardcore) and even my M-I-L (who taught my wife how to be hardcore). Making some amazing progress... they are still hardcore... but unrecognizable from a couple years ago!

    I have a plan to escape...and to get my wife out as well. But until that time, how do you handle your responsibilities? How do you spend your time in field service? I've just been walking up to peoples doors, PRETEND TO RING THE DOOR BELL, (never knock) and then leave. I have avoided talking to so many people that way!

    What about service meeting parts and public talks? How do you do those things with out raising suspicion or losing your sanity? Shepherding calls are a nightmare... the ones I go on, I'll just talk about love and how to not be a terrible person. I hate going with elders that just want to drive in the "go to meetings, go in field service, do more" mantra.

    I know there are a number of serving brothers on this board, so I'm just curious how you handle your assignments in the congregation. If I were to listen to one of your public talks... would I know you were an apostate? Do you "lie" and say "support the GB" to avoid suspicion? Or do you make the talk as general and mainstream as possible and eliminate most of the cult speak? I've already thrown out my talk about blood... can't believe that I used to think that was what God (if he even really exists) actually wanted! Do you feel "dirty" after giving parts and "encouraging" the friends?

    Anyways, nice to see everyone contributing to the board. I look forward to your comments, or just say hi! I'm glad more and more people are waking up... I wonder how many are awake and we don't even know it yet...

    Have a great evening everyone!

  • Londo111


    I wish I could give some input, I've been faded 3 years...I know I couldn't do any of that!

  • StarTrekAngel

    Get every chance you have to skip meetings or service. I stopped going on field service about 10 months ago. I wasn't very regular to begin with but I felt bad and I didn't do it. I no longer feel bad about it. At first, I actually told my wife that I did not feel comfortable going out on FS with anyone else but her. That not only made her happy, but it allowed me to not have to have uncomfortable conversations with anyone. At some point she offered to have me just watch after the kids, who have a tendency to play with stray dogs, while she did the talking. I would help her from time to time with a bible verse. My wife has a tendency to concentrate on spiritual issues, not so much on magazine articles so it was somewhat ok.

    After a while we stopped going and to this day I have no idea why my wife no longer insists in going to FS. I had to keep doing the MS until this last time, about a month ago, when I was supposed to give a talk on family worship. I took a chance that the asshole MS servant was out of town and I talked to one of the more reasonable elders in the cong and told him I was not going to do it. Told him I felt like a hypocrite doing a talk on something I wasn't practicing and he understood. I took the chance to add that I was having a lot of stress at work and that I would rather not take on anymore assignments for the time being.

    I still go to meeting for my wife but I spend most of the meeting reading the bible. Something I had not done before.

  • joe134cd
    It amazes me people who can do this long term. Thankfully I never got past been a publisher and giving number 2 talks. But that been said for about 18 months of knowing TTATT while still going to meetings, nearly caused me to have a mental break down. I got out for my own health.
  • freddo

    Choose the more generic outlines based on Christian fruits - Mercy, Love etc. Or jw doctrine you believe in perhaps - Hellfire/Trinity.

    Shepherding calls - just go along the lines of "Do your best - well done."

  • nicolaou

    I feel for you man. By the time I realised I didn't believe it anymore I already knew I couldn't DO it anymore. I stood down, stopped field service, quit the school and only attended meetings sporadically for the sake of my wife.

    Within maybe three months I was gone and I made sure the kids stayed home with me. I'm convinced that ripping the Band Aid off quickly was for the best. Of course there were tears and arguments but they got resolved.

    We are a happy, normal family now. ☺

  • Crazyguy
    I went back for a couple of meetings after I quit old turkey then discussing issues with the elders. After going back for a couple of meeting I couldn't handle the self-righteous aragance and pure bullshit. I partook at the last memorial that I went to, and that was it, it's been over two years. I was going to fade or stay and try to wake up wife. But a I think a couple of people noticed how red my face would get listening through the meetings so I think they would of figured out it was a lie me being there.
  • DesirousOfChange

    I eventually resigned to spend more time "helping" my kids who were advancing in age and were not dunked. It was beginning to be an issue anyway. Towards the end of my serving, I would just encourage weak pubs that what they were doing was fine in Jah's eyes. THEY knew their limitations and situation better than I (or anyone else) could.

    We mostly did Field Service as a family -- as in, the way most pioneers to it -- make one RV way out on the other side of town, then drive back the other way for (Yeah, breakfast), then another pretend call, and home.

    Baby steps with Mrs Hardcore. Don't apply too much pressure. Just be confused and ask sincere questions. Face it! This new generation sh*t is confusing. JWs criticized Christendom for decades about the Trinity (1+1+1=1). Now they say 1 generation + 1 generation = 1 (overlapped) generation. (1+1=1). No different from Christendom's BS.

    Especially hit hard on examples of the lack of love when you witness it, esp among other Elders, COs, and the Bethel Big Wigs (as well as the GB, such as Sophia's ice cream money). Just wring your hands and say you just "don't get" it.....the changes......the begging.....the lack of love.....the money grab.....the New Lite......etc

    Good luck,


    The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!

  • elderINewton

    I'll provide what I did:

    1) Public Talks - nothing better than this opportunity to preach the real gospel and direct people to the bible and not the WT. Make people really care, and be able to see what a true friend is and not a WT conditional friend. The outlines provide for great flexibility with this.

    2) Service - it was tough for me too, but ringing the doorbell and just offering a friendly encouraging scripture is about all I could do, other than the escape to 2-3 hour coffee and breakfast.

    3) Meeting parts -

    a) Bible Study - this is the toughest (other than if you do the WT on Sunday) - make it a drone contest, see who are the biggest drones. A drone being the people most enthusiastic.

    b) Service Meetings - these can be tough, but if you continue to direct people to the bible you have done good. The more people actually read the bible the more likely they are to wake up.

    c) TMS - stick to what the bible says, not what a WT says.

    4) Shepherding calls - I miss those the most. Screw what the WT says and actually listen and make people happy. You do that your awesome. WT demands, you can show people that God loves them. Never forget that. Its the opposite of what we are told to do in many ways, but even after my 3 month fade I still get calls from people who want to know if I still care for them (which I do). AKA - imitate Jesus.

    Never once have I lied about my feelings on the borg, stick to the scriptures and your safe. People really don't know what to make of you when you stick to the bible only, it throws them off and really in turn they like it more than the drivel they typically get.

    Good luck and happy hunting.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Hi Kingdom Evader, welcome!

    Forget F.S., talks, & sheeple calls, my $64,000 question for any serving elder is this, "How can you sit at an elders' meeting discussing Org letters such as the 4 page money rip-off one, and be complicit in fleecing and abusing the blinded sheep?" It's unconscionable!!!

    Standing down as an elder is the only decent and honourable course to take.

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