"While I love my two children very much, I feel today I should never have had them."
This is interesting:
"A whole lot of the time, I just don't like being a mother, and I generally don't fit well into this role."
" if I could turn back the clock and tell myself what it is like, I'm not sure I'd bother having any. "
"I gave everything I could, did everything I needed to but was it a "joy"? No. If I had my time again I would never have children."
In my view, as a dad, I think that it was too early to bring them. I think I should have party a little bit more before.
If anyone feels that their children are a drag, it points to a flaw in the parents ability to understand the needs of their children who after all had no decision in their own birth. While selfishness is inherent in us all its better for the child that the parent curbs their own selfish regrets or desires and fully embraces the love,care and needs of their offspring which will benefit both parents and children. I am a father and grandfather and have never had regrets,my heart is full of joy when i think of them absolutely no regret enters my mind.
If someone actually feels that way, fine, but don't admit it in public.
You just end up looking like an asshole.
"In my view, as a dad, I think that it was too early to bring them. I think I should have party a little bit more before."
That quote is very telling I think my generation, those growing up in the 90's, has entitlement issues. We were told we were beautiful, unique snowflakes that could have whatever we wanted and not have to work very hard to get it. Having a child does not fit in with that concept. I see a lot of people (usually in the pub) who live very self-centered lives. Their desires are paramount to everything else. They can actually be great fun in a party situation but when shit gets real they are as much use as a paper hat.
Having said that though there are some people who just aren't made to be parents and some who seem to be good parent material but who don't bond with their child and for them maybe it would be better to not have children. How would you know in advance though?
You are wasting your time with the "I could have", "I should have", "I must have" Life is rather short. Use your time with the "I will" and enjoying the present.
I have kids and I love them. I care for them, their future, and what they will grow up to be. I find myself day dreaming about them all the time. Wondering how school is, how that teacher acts with them behind my back, how they interact with other kids.
In short, I love my kids.
But what if? What if I didn't get the urge to get married based on principles brought on by a religion I don't believe in anymore? To me, marriage and kids go hand in hand (unless nature decides otherwise). So what if I never got married in the first place? Well, for starters, I know exactly what I'd be: A lawyer fighting for the rights of the people. Yeah, that's right. One civil action after another. I'd take what I need and make sure to use most of my time and resources for the kids growing up with dead beat parents.I'd have the best of both worlds: The wealth to do what I please and the charity work to bring meaning to my life.
And yet, would this have been my dream if I did not have kids in the first place? Before having my own kids, I didn't care about them at all. All I could care about was climbing the levels in the watchtower and basically enforce what ever some other man decided to teach.
Basically, I could have ruined my life and my kids have saved me. Or, perhaps I would have grown differently and would have fought the society much harder than I am now? I perhaps I would have become a party animal and drunkenly crashed my car in a tree.
All I can say now is that my life, while not perfect, is great. Sure I feel that my kids are stopping me from doing certain things, but I also can say that they freed me from watchtower and made me a better man.
All this to say that I somewhat can understand the idea of regretting to have kids, but you have to see things for what they are. We are not the same people we would have been in our alternate life. We are the product of our choices and environment.
would have had more time and money. The question is: What would I have done with it? Right now, I know exactly what I would do. But the man I am today has had the experience of a wife and kids. That man would not exist in the alternate reality.
I've noticed this trend for awhile now.
All of us have thoughts we're not proud of from time to time, but their public expression has apparently become fashionable in the name of, "Catharsis" and "Honesty."
Sad when the children read this stuff....
"You just end up looking like an asshole."
Perhaps. That is why it catch my attention this morning in the BBC UK homepage, because nobody talks about that feelings for exactly the same reason. Is something interesting to talk about.
Dont misunderstand me, please. I love my kids, and I am what I am because of them. But, because I went to a full parent really early in life, i just think that from the marriage to the kids I should have waited a little bit more to enjoy life without kids.
No, I don't completely relate to the other views in the article, but is an interesting reading. If evolution is about protect the offspring, why this feelings?
"How would you know in advance though?"
Never a jw
"You are wasting your time with the "I could have""
Exactly, there is no point in that discussion. In any case, I love my kids, I can't imagine life without them. But the deepness of the thoughts of that mothers are worth to note, even if we don't agree.
"All I can say now is that my life, while not perfect, is great. Sure I feel that my kids are stopping me from doing certain things, but I also can say that they freed me from watchtower and made me a better man."
Exactly the way I feel...
Thanks for your comments!
"Sad when the children read this stuff...."
ummm... No, I don't think so. My advice will be: Go, travel the world, learn a lot, put your finances in order and THEN get a bunch of kids and enjoy them as I enjoy you... you were just too early. Beautiful kids, but tooooo early.
I was speaking of the social trend as a whole. (I'll link to some examples when I have a few minutes. Some of this stuff is ugly.)
You attitude is interesting though. Do you personally draw a line at some point, or do you believe the expression of regrets and negative thoughts about the decisions you've made vis-à-vis your children and your spouse are always legitimate?