C OF C PART 2

by mackey 16 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  detective

  Hi Mackey,
  please consider reading "releasing the bonds: empowering people to think for themselves" by cult expert Steven Hassan. It will give you some different ways in which you might be able to communicate with your sweetheart without putting her off.
  
  AS for reading C of C, you could start to gently persuade her to think about reading it by introducing the idea in a different manner. Try so "what if" questions.
  

  Maybe you could say, "honey, I noticed you are uncomfortable reading this book. What makes you uncomfortable?" Listen carefully to her answers. Don't argue them right off, just listen to her reasoning and you'll probably learn more about her thought process which will help you in your future dealings.

  Ask her something like, "what if an ex-mormon wrote this book. Would you read it then?" or "If an ex-mormon wrote this book, do you think a practicing mormon might be willing to read it?" Also, you could say something like, "what if an ex-Catholic wrote this book? If a former Catholic wrote this book and the Catholic church condemned it, would you wonder why they might do so? What could those reasons be for a group to condemn a book written by a former member? Would it make you a little suspicious that the catholic church/Moonies/scientologists/Baptists would ban a book written by a former member? Why?"

  Take it out of the context of witnesses to try and open her up a bit. Once you get her responses, realize you might not be able to capitalize on them right away. For example, if she says something like "former members always try to steer you away from the truth" then you could ask her if a practicing mormon might feel the same way about a book by an ex-mormon. Would that prevent her from reading a book by an ex-mormon just because a current mormon thinks it will say bad things about Mormonism?

  Or, if she says something zany, like "demons might get her" for reading the book, you'll have to work around the fact that she believes in demons. Ask her if demons would get someone who has never been a witness but is reading C of C.

  You know, get her talking. Get her thinking.

  Good luck to you. Been there, done that. (still doing it to some extent)

  Detective

  Edited by - detective on 24 January 2003 15:19:42
• 

  wannaexit

  This is my first post, but I was compelled to answer. Just be PATIENT. I Faught my husband for years. I accused him of "apostacy" and being disloyal to Jehovah. He put up with this atmosphere for years. Yes, it sometimes takes years. But be patient. My husband would make a point or ask a question. Sometimes I would get angry at him. But what he would say would churn in my mind. One day he asked if I would like to read CofC. I was so scared. Once I read the scales came off. Jan.2002 was a liberating month for me. I cried for days for what I discovered and for what I put my husband through. The real "truth" hurts. The realization that you have given your whole life to a cult is very painful. So, be kind and patient with her. I really understand what she is faced with.
• 

  imanaliento

  try not to bring up the subject to much, the more you ask about it, the more she may decline to read it.

  just leave it out in the open and maybe someday she will pick it up and skim over it, the next time she may read a bit more.

  patience and time,
• 

  onacruse

  Boy oh boy! So many good suggestions here, and right on the money.

  macky, welcome to the forum! Patience is the key. As JWs, we weren't allowed the luxury of patience, right? The end is so close, must get it done NOW! Instead, it's like RunningMan says: "It will all work out." It WILL work out. The road may be torturous and slow-going, but I follow that road (finally), and it has not only worked out, and it is still working out, in ways I never imagined. And like detective says, don't try to "capitalize on it right away." Sometimes people throw something back at us right away just to test our reaction. When we don't "rush in for the kill," they can see that we have no hidden agendas or ulterior motives, only our love for their well-being and happiness. That takes them aback, because, after all, the WTS has proved that "apostates" are unloving ().

  wannaexit, also to you: welcome! You really touch a nerve with "The realization that you have given your whole life to a cult is very painful." In my experience that's one of the top 3 hurdles to jump on the way out of the org (the other 2 being "personal belief" and "family").

  Craig
• 

  NewYork44M

  Wannaexit, Welcome aboard!!

  Although I do not post as often as some of the others, I tend to keep up with the board. While I just breeze through most messages every once in a while I read a message that stops me in my tracks. Your message was like that. Your comment was very personal, and I am sure something that many on this board can relate to.

  Again, thanks for the comment.
• 

  mackey

  Luckily I am a very patient person, maybe a little too patient. Knowing what my loved one is involved in has instilled a fire and a determination in me to free her no matter how long it takes or how gray it makes my hair ( if I have any left after this hellish experience).
• 

  reporter

  I have found as well, that research and documented proof of facts can also be a prong in a patient, reasoned approach as well. I have a huge file of printouts of actual WTS letters, and documentation, like Ray Franz reprinted in his books, and these are priceless.

  JWs may teach "convincing argument" in the Ministry School, but there is no more convincing argument than the facts and truth!

  And, if you lurk here and at other DBs, you will find many telling experiences like wannaexit's here, which are real life examples of what it takes to help with this kind of mental deprogramming, so to speak.