Getting married....any advise?

by Uni girl 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Uni girl
    Uni girl

    I'm getting married in a few weeks to the man that was disfellowshipped with me for 'committing adultery in our hearts"

    We have been together for 5 years and have a wonderful and warm relationship, no fear or guilt. The only blimp on the horizon is his family, some of whom are maniacs when it comes to the letter of the law. They have tried to play mind games with us and keep us apart. When we told them of our impending marriage they went mental and put us under terrible strain, we have weathered it and dealt with the police, which they sent round to us accusing us of 'dirty phone calls' of course it wasn't true but it was an attempt to upset us. They said they were coming to the wedding but then said to my boyfriend that they weren't because unless he came back then he was as good as dead and as he would die at Armageddon what was the point of attaching themselves to a dead person ??
    My question is the face of such emotional cruelty how do we rise above it ?? How do we constantly maintain our dignity ? I feel that such an injustice is being carried out and constant aspertion are being cast on our character within our local community. I'm beginning to dread my wedding day as only one member of his family are heart hurts for my partner.

    Any advise

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Uni Girl,
    First of all let me congratulate you on your up-coming marriage!!!!!
    Make it a special day. It really doesn't matter who comes or not. What matters is what you and your love have between you.
    Thinker and I planned our wedding day just for us. We wanted to be alone!!! Everyone is different. But our day was just perfect. We got up leisurely and got ready for our wonderful day!!!
    We were married by a JP, who opens her Civil War home for weddings. We had a photograher and her. That is it!!
    Thinker got fruit, cheese, and wine. After we were married we came home and enjoyed one another and our special lunch. For our wedding dinner we planned a wonderful evening at a very exclusive French resturaunt in our area.
    The next day we left for our honeymoon at the beach. It is a wonderful and special memory. The day was for us!! And we treasure it.
    Try to not allow others to ruin it for you. Focus on your relationship. That is the most important thing anyway. Face your troubles together and be open with each other about how you feel about it. Communication is the key to a good relationship. Keep your lines open.

  • stephenw20

    Uni gir,
    Welcome and congrats and a wish of peace for you both.

    ".in the face of such emotional cruelty how do we rise above it ?? How do we constantly maintain our dignity ? I feel that such an injustice is being carried out and constant aspertion are being cast on our character within our local community."

    This is a time for joy, nervousness, reflection and bliss for your new contract of marriage.

    I wish I could say , put them, in suspended animation , and have your wedding , let the love you and he have, obliterate , ANYTHING that gets in the way. Its not easy to do that tho.......
    neither is controlling what others think, say or do. its like trying to hold sand in your hands, the tighter you squeeze the more you lose.

    If this opinion, of his family is casting doubt on your marriage, ask your self, from what great authority have these been entrusted to make these will see its from MEN. YOur boyfriend is a man, your a person as well. no better or worse than any one who developed these ridiculous ideas and printed them.

    IT is for the BOTH of you to STAND UP and perhaps this is a chance even before your married to ~see~ that this love you BOTH have, can with stand OUTSIDE interference. THERE will ALWAYS be DETRACTORS......... you should just consider , if you feel the strength to with stand this at this time or wait, because from the evidence of others in your situation , his family will not stop anytime soon.

    Breaking away from this TRIBAL/Group approval thing is not easy as , the first time a so called "failure " comes up the former group will be there to remind you , it because you have left themmmmmm....dont let it get you down....they have a longer list of mistakes than you could ever amass....

    my suggestion is this.......... stay in no one elses approval......but your own and his own.........realize mistakes will be made......its part of the learning experience.....give up attempting to control others, as it is futile and wastes too much of your energy that could be used for better purposes........

    Peace to you and your new hubster to be!

  • stephenw20

    When taking something personally, it’s a signal to shift into an impersonal consciousness.'

    Caroline Myss

  • Uni girl
    Uni girl

    Thank you all so much for your kind comments, it really has touched us both that we can get support from relative strangers.

    You are right of course as long as we are happy and my children love us that's the important thing

    Thinkers wife: your wedding day sounded wonderful, it's what I envisioned for us but als it was not to be

    love to you all

  • jezebel influence
    jezebel influence


    All my love and best wishes on your day!
    May it be full of wonderful memories!

    LOVE jez

  • waiting

    Hey Uni Girl,


    If the in-laws want to act like idiots, imho, the best thing to do is completely ignore them. Why fight with them and come down to their level. If they can't behave like polite persons, then don't treat them as such.

    Enjoy your day, and your marriage - you and your husband deserve the happiness!


  • nogs

    DON'T let them hav the last laugh!!!

  • larc

    You might do what my daughter and her husband did. They were getting all kinds of flack about how the wedding and the reception should go and who should be invited, so they invited the two mothers and two friends and that was it. After they got back from their honeymoon, I had a dinner for his family and ours at a nice restaurant. By that time they got over their fuming. By the way, no Witnesses in either family, so flack happens in many families, not just the JW type.

  • Tina

    Hi Uni!
    Wishing you the best on your special day!!! hugs,Tina

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