2 years later

Jacqueline

I met a JW man a little more than 2 years ago. He grew up in the truth. I was worldly. I began studying 2 times a week and going to all 5 meetings. I couldn't have a copy of KM's, but was expected to attend the school anyway. I attended a separate hall than him, due to assumptions by the elders. 6 months later, I married the JW I met, even though I was not baptized yet. I had it sincere in my heart that it was the "truth" and continued feverishly studying 2-3 times a week on top of the 5 meetings...with baptismal as my goal.

Problems...We moved to a new city 3 hours away, immediately after our wedding. No one ever would include or invite me in any activities outside the Hall. (In either hall...the first hall that introduced me to the truth nor the second hall we are still in.) The sisters tell me of the wonderful time they all had at such and such baby shower, wedding shower, anniversary party, etc. Not one sister in over 2 years has ever stopped by my home to say "hi." (Other than when they are out in service and happen to be knocking on my neighbors door.) Not one sister in over 2 years have called me on the phone, to say "Hi." I studied solidly for 18 months and attended every meeting during that time. I begged to ride in a car group, so that I could have association. NO...never....declined every time!! Never got close to baptismal, no matter how much time I spent studying or went to meetings....I was never good enough. Attending 2 different halls 3 hours apart, they behaved the same way. I have never been counseled for any misappropriate things.

I have allowed all meetings to lapse in the past 3 months...well, you guessed it....they are pounding on our door several times a week now.

I told my husband..."You know...they can disassociate me, (their way of discipline is shunning) but it won't cause me any pain, and desire to return, becasue I never had the association to begin with. I am so tired of being lonely, with no one to speak to or to do things with."

By the way....I am very happily married, and do not regret marrying a JW.

Someone, please tell me if this has happened to you??????

metatron

There are a fair number of congregations like this - just not friendly or involved with each
other. Rural Kingdom Halls can be especially bad if a lot of the friends are interelated/
intermarried.

Your comment suggests that lack of association amoung Witnesses works against their shunning
policy. So be it. I have Witness relatives who ignore me - and I can't tell whether they
are shunning me or just unsocial.

Find another church or social group - I found a lot of support going to college -
the common struggle and all that.

metatron

cruzanheart

I'm really sorry, Jacqueline. I can relate to your feelings of isolation and loneliness. I think it makes it that much harder to attend meetings when you hear from the platform how wonderful and loving the organization is.

Listen to your gut feelings about this, and do what is best for you.

Love,

Nina

Buster

Not my experience - just want to say welcome to the forum.

Dismembered

Jacqueline,

Welcome to the board.

Please don't beat yourself up. Cliques are quite common among the ranks of JWS. But think of this, you probably aren't missing a thing.

calamityjane

Welcome to the forum Jacqueline. You are here amongst friends.

You say

No one ever would include or invite me in any activities outside the Hall. (In either hall...the first hall that introduced me to the truth nor the second hall we are still in.) The sisters tell me of the wonderful time they all had at such and such baby shower, wedding shower, anniversary party, etc. Not one sister in over 2 years has ever stopped by my home to say "hi." (Other than when they are out in service and happen to be knocking on my neighbors door.)

I 'm sorry, but this is so typical of their mentality.

You say you are very happy married to the jw brother. Well I hope that continues and you have a long life together. Maybe your hubby will see "the light" and join you in time.

zenpunk

I was a regular pioneer and was treated like this. It's nothing new. I think it was the attitude of the people that clinched it for me that this was not the truth.

Carmel

I can assure you that if you were in my community and joined my religion, you'd be inundated with invitations and likely worn out from the attention. Unlike the dubbies, we have no "elders' or other rank that do all the work or are supposed to have all the answers. too bad you are experiancing the loneliness, but glad your marriage is working.

carmel

Jacqueline

"I think it makes it that much harder to attend meetings when you hear from the platform how wonderful and loving the organization is."

Nina,

Exactly!! All we hear about is the close bond that each other has and the love that is shared amongst the organization and how "good association" is the only association allowed. How the congregation is there for you in time of need. I do not see any of that....and I have desperately searched for it.

I feel like many Witnesses are putting their faith in the organization and the discreet slave more than Jehovah. Is anyone ele seeing that also???

Confused, Frustrated, and Lonely

Mum

Jacqueline,

Welcome to the forum. Your experience is unusual from my point of view, but I am learning a lot about the JW experience of others on this forum.

If you have a JW husband who is loving and supportive, you are indeed blessed. That in itself is a miracle.

I hope you find a spiritual family that gives you what you need. Best wishes in your quest. Keep us posted.

SandraC

2 years later

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