Thanks to everyone for the welcome. Has anyone ever dealt with a death in the family of j-dubs? My father died a couple of days ago and that is how I found this site I was looking for advice. I found another site that was very helpful also, [email protected]. This site will give you places in your area that ex jw's meet informally. I have two girls ages 12 and 20 we are going to the funeral Monday. I had help making this decision from other ex jw's, much thanks to them!. I am not df'd but I disassociated myself and they let me know up front that I would not be treated as a member of the family. I should be use to this by now but it still stinks!!! So any thoughts on how to behave/cope would be helpful.
I'm sorry to hear about your father. JW memorials or funerals are not fun if you are no longer a dub. I went to my grandfathers a few years ago and sat right up front with the rest of my family. Fortunatly I was not alone as my sister and 2 of my aunts no longer attend either. I suggest you go and pay respect and do what feels comfortable for you.
What you said about the "family religion" struck a chord with me, because all my family are "in" and totally unquestioning about it - it's almost as if we all have "Jehovah's Witness" as a middle name - nobody understands unless they are in the thick of it themselves.
Hi Yecats. Nice to see you here. Regarding your question on how to behave.
Just be yourself. It will be a hard time and the jw's may try to make you feel unwanted or uncomfortable. Keep in mind that you have every right to be there and most of them do not. Do all the things you would do if this was not an issue. Be kind and understanding and also you need not take anyones unnecessary or unacceptable conduct towards you or your family. Let them see that you are a functioning and stable and contented person and do so with your conduct. Hold your head high and show all that you deserve their respect and condolances and not their shunning bs.
Sorry about your fathers passing away. Hang in there and the grief will ease as time goes on. Let the tears flow and let the grief take its course. Then the healing starts and the acceptance of all of us being mortals.
Best wishes to you and your family in this difficult time.
I am not usually a militant type, but this business about family members not being TREATED as family members when their JW relatives die just burns me up!!! Unless YOU choose not to be treated as a family member (i.e., sitting up front during the funeral ad talk) out of a respect for your MOTHER'S wishes (not the elder's wishes, or the meddlings 'friends' wishes, or even your JW siblings'--if any--wishes), not wishing to grieve her further, then go up front with your daughters and take your place as your father's daughter. (I think this is a hot button with me because I did not attend my own father's (not a JW) funeral, which is something I regret to this day.) YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DEMAND THAT THE WITNESSES RESPECT YOUR FAMILIAL TIES TO THE DECEASED!!!
Stacey. Thanks for telling us a little bit more about yourself. Very, very sorry to hear about your dad.
You walk in there, and you keep your head high! DO NOT let any GD elder tell you what they think their protocol is, and how you should act, or where you should sit.
Keep in mind that you have every right to be there and most of them do not.
Amen outoftheorg
Please stay in touch, and tell us how you make out, and feel free to share your feelings with us. You will find no shortage of love and support here.
Thanks to everyone for the advice. You all make perfect sense. I guess great minds think alike I felt the same before I talked to you all, but you confirmed that I am not the the crazy one here and after you have been made to feel that for so long it's not so easy once you are thrown back into having to deal with it again. I hope that made sense? Anyway the best way I have found to deal with the situaton is to take us out of the mix, out of harms way so to speak. When I lived in the same state,town it was hell, but the best thing I have found is to put distance between you and them. I have a lot of pride in the fact that I was able to see through all the lies and brainwashing techniques they use to suck you dry, kind of like the military but for no purpose if you know what I mean? This is something we can all be proud of, and I do feel bad for the rest of my family because the jw's rules make life unliveable and such a burden. Does anyone ever think how different their life would be if they were not raised a jw or had not had to deal with them? I am 39 and trying to finish school, I graduate from business school this May. If they did not teach my parents that further education was wrong I would have been much better off than now . I hate the way this cult has hurt my life while growing up and the emotional hits I still deal with. But all that aside I am one of the lucky ones. Contrary to what they all think, God has definately looked after me to help me survive the jw's. Thanks again for the support look forward to many interesting conversations
