by Tigerlove 16 Replies latest social relationships

  • Tigerlove
    Hello, new member here. I have a question that has been bugging me for a couple of months now. So I have been dating this guy(a witness ) for over a year now. When we started dating, I asked him what religion he was and he told that his mother take them to a jehovah-witness church. I was excited because I've been studying with for a while now so I thought it was going to be great. As the months went by, I realized that the religion was nothing I thought. When I started asking him questions about the religion, he didn't say much; he always tried changing subjecta but I never understood why. So one day when I came back from school, he was in tear and I asked what was wrong and he said his mom wanted him to do the service. I wasn't sure what to say so I tried comforting him. That day, he told me so much about that religion that left me shock, I didn't know what to say or do; all I could say is everything will be alright. So as the month went by, I asked if I could meet his parents and he said maybe. That made me very upset because he's met my parents several times and I was wondering why he wouldn't allow me to meet his parents. So I decided to ask him and he explained to me why it would be impossible for me to meet his parents because they will not approve of me, especially his mother. I was very disappointed because I never thought someone will reject me because I didn't believe in the same thing as them. So I asked him what if I got serious about the religion because at the time, I was just studying with them because my mom said I need the hobby. But he still said that wouldn't do it. Months went by, I forgot about that but I still decided to study more about the religion so I can have a better understanding. But I've reach the point where nothing makes sense to me any more, my questions never gets answer. I've even sat down and wondered where this relationship is going. Right now he lives on his own but his father owns the place so he doesn't want to do anything to make his mother upset because he doesn't want to get kicked out of where he lives. I've even asked him if he can at least let his mother know I exist but he's too scared of all the questions she will have for him. Am at a point where everything is just getting me mad, and I just feeling like I got myself into something I can't get out. People have warned me about getting involve with someone from that religion but I wouldn't help it. But now I really don't know what to do or sometimes say. I would love for some one to advice me on something I could consider doing or just advice me on how to handle the situation.
  • never a jw
    never a jw
    Advice will be coming soon from people who know better. My personal opinion. Run! The religion is the first problem. The second and biggest problem is the guy. He is in a JW family and he doesn't have the guts to go against it. I am not sure what's worse a devout JW or a nominal JW who wants to quit but doesn't have the guts to do so. Either way: Run!
  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Please tell us what it was that he told you so we could tailor our advice to his personality and standing in the JWs. It sounds like he doesn't want to go to the meetings or field service (going door to door).

    Tell him to take a vacation from meeting attendance and consider fading slowly.

    Tell him not to share his doubts, if he has any, to his parents until he becomes independent.

    Don't even consider having a 'study' in order to impress his parents.

    By the way, welcome to the forum.

  • DesirousOfChange

    You obviously are not dating a "man".

    He's still tied to his mama's apron strings and his daddy is paying his rent.

    Get the f&ck outta there.

    Your time would be better spent going to school, esp taking some English/grammar classes if you hope to succeed in your future endeavors. (I'll rescind that statement if English is your 2nd language. In that case your English is phenomenally better than my 2nd language, but still dump the guy.)

    Good luck!


    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    Welcome to the forum! You are smart to pursue answers to your questions.

    The Jehovah's Witnesses are a cult. As you can read many times on this forum, there are many Jehovah's Witnesses who are nice people. That does not mean that their religion is harmless.

    The Jehovah's Witness organization is responsible for thousands if not millions of damaged and broken families, lives lost, mental illness and poverty. So many tragedies they can't all be listed.

    Make your own life your priority and break off any connection or contact with Jehovah's Witnesses. How wonderful it is to avoid trouble rather than spend years of your life trying to recover.

    Much love to you and best wishes for freedom!


  • Tigerlove
    When I we first started started talking, he didn't tell me that he has been in the religion for ever since he was born. But I honestly didn't think it would be such a big deal. When I asked if I could meet his parents, he said I could meet his dad but not his mom and when I asked why, he said because she will never accept you no matter what. It doesn't even matter if you're responsible, well educated, polite, even if you're "studying" with the witness, she will not approve it. She will stop talking to me, she will blame my dad for all of this. I didn't know what to say so I said it would be an honor if I met your dad. He are working on that but his dad knows who I am and what kind of relationship we have. It's a very weird situation. ...
  • Tigerlove
    Yes, English is my second language. Thank you for the advice.
  • SecretSlaveClass


    First of all, welcome! As others have recommended - RUN! The possible reason his parents would not approve is because you are not a baptized Jehovah's Witness, and getting baptized is the LAST thing you will,want to do!

  • LisaRose

    I am sorry, but I cannot offer you much hope. Do you want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend is ashamed of you? Do you want to be with a man that lies to his parents because he doesn't want to find a different place to live? These are mayor red flags that it's not a good situation for you. If he loved you he should be willing to stand up to his parents and find a different place to live if he had to.

    The only chance for you to be accepted by his parents is if you became a Jehovah's Witness. As you have seen, this religion is not what you thought it was. Trust your feelings on this, the Watchtower has lied about it's history and practices. Once you become a Jehovah's Witness you must do everything they tell you or risk being disfellowshipped and shunned by every other JW. If your boyfriend is a baptized Jehovah's Witness he can be disfellowshipped for having sex outside of marriage.

    Your only chance would be if your boyfriend were to stand up to his parents and be open about you and his desire to be a Jehovah's Witness, but that doesn't seem likely. Even if he did, he might decide to go back to being a Jehovah's Witness, including four hours of meetings each week, door to door work every Saturday, no Christmas, no birthdays, no Easter, etc. Is that what you want in your life? Is that what you want for your children, if you had them? Do you want your future children to be told they will die a horrible death at Armageddon if they aren't good?

    You seem like a nice person, so why would you accept being treated like this?

  • Gayle

    Your boyfriend is dishonest and immature. You deserve a boyfriend that is proud of you and willing to yell that from the rooftops. He is a slave to his religion and obviously to his mom. This is double trouble. As a JW you would just about not have much association of your family and non-JW friends. You would lose so much but gain nothing.

    please research:

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