New convention theme

by StarTrekAngel 34 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Oogie
    Naw, next ass-embly [after his one] will be called: 'follow the governing body.'
  • punkofnice

    I came in too late here really. All the best comments have been made.

    Immitate Jehovah(tm)? You mean you want me to stop existing.

  • StarTrekAngel
    Yeap. Well I tend to try and put myself in their place. Even if I did not believe in God, I would first put myself in a position of a believer and ask them... did not Jesus say that he and the father were one? Do we not, as JWs, preach that imitating Jesus means imitating Jehovah? Why do we then, need too separate conventions? Are we following two different Gods?
  • dozy
    Every assembly and convention I ever went to basically had the theme "Do More Ministry". However it is dressed up - essentially that is what it is all about.
  • Half banana
    Half banana
    "Imitate Jehovah"

    What!-------------- become an invisible, ineffectual non-entity?

    Although attributed with love in people's minds, this God has a hair trigger response to heresy, his outstanding features are genocide, xenophobia, homophobia, megalomaniac power, vindictive to his own offspring and indifferent to the sufferings of those who don't worship him in the specific way he prescribes.

    Jehovah or Yahweh is the very last possible thing anyone should imitate. Most humans do far better than Jehovah. Give the assembly a miss!

  • OverlappingGeneralizations

    I just got a hold of the program, if anybody is interested:

    9:40 Music
    9:50 Song 140 (you did bring a print-out didn't you?)
    9:55 Symposium: Imitate the Great Teachers, The Governing Body!
    Steven Lett: Appropriate Facial Gestures
    Anthony Morris: Tactfulness is Key
    Samuel Herd: Being a Token is Not So Bad
    Garrit Losch: Enthusiasm for the Kingdom
    Geoffery Jackson: Bear up under Persecution
    Mark Sanderson: Resist Gluttony and Run The Race for Life
    David Splaine: Fine-tune your God-Given Gaydar
    11:40 Accounts Report (we now accept Paypal and Food Stamps)
    11:59 Baptism
    12:00 Noon Break (doors are locked, hope you packed a "light lunch")
    12:40 Music
    12:45 Song 141 (You practiced the new song as a family, didn't you? No? Pagan.)
    12:50 Accounts Report
    1:00 Symposium: "Worthless Slaves, Where Will You Be 9am Saturday Morning?"
    -Quit Your Job To Better Serve Jah
    -Wait- Can You still Donate?
    -Well, Then, SIMPLIFY to better Serve Jah!
    -Brothers- Jesus Drove A Honda Odyssey, So Should You
    -Sisters, Can You Stop Fighting For Two Seconds?
    -Children- Stop Asking Questions: Quick! Look! Kaleb and Sophia!
    -Elderly- We Haven't Forgotten... To Ask You For More Money!
    2:30 Accounts Report
    2:35 Song 142 (Got that iPad out? New song downloaded? No? Pagan.)
    2:40 Keynote Address:
    -Avoid the Internet: Satan's RoadRage on The Information Highway
    3:20 Public Address
    -Avoid the Internet: Pornography Leads to Damaged Keyboards
    4:00 Final Talk:
    -Embrace the Internet:
    4:30 Song 142 and Final Accounts Report

  • tiki
    Overlapgen...that is one awesome apostifying program!!! Will any women be speaking???
  • OverlappingGeneralizations


    Women speakers? Well, I don't want to spoil it for you, but ahh, what the heck. During the 1pm symposium, on the "Sisters" part, there is a demonstration where two sisters get in a bare-knuckle fist fight in the back seat of a cutaway honda civic right on stage. Afterward, there is a soliloquy of each sister reflecting on their behavior. One sister feels bad and wants to apologize. The other sister harbors resentment, and has homicidal thoughts. Just then, the lights in the stadium go dark, and the baptism pool is lit up by red flood lights, symbolizing the "lake of fire". Without warning Garit Losch runs out from back stage, grabs the resentful sister over his head and body-slams her into the symbolic lake of fire. Followed by the longest round of applause I had ever heard. It was so dark in there, I can't be sure, but I think I even saw Brother Losch doing a touchdown dance. You don't want to miss this program. The final talk is given by a Guy Pierce hologram! He asks Stephen Lett to touch the holes in his hands if he doesn't believe it's really him. Very uplifting.

  • tiki
    Omg....that takes the cake!!! Can't wait to go!!!
  • tiki
    I can't stop laughing!!! The holey hand hologram.....the body slam into the lake of fire....omg!!!!!

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