I have been with the board now for a few months now, mostly lurking and posting occaisionally and I love the support and even the opposition that everyone has shown here.
I know that most newbies do post their "story", and even tho I'm not technically a newbie here anymore, I would like you all that I meet in chat & on the board to know a bit more about me and my jw background. This could be a long post but thanks for taking the time to read it ! Here goes: :|
I was raised in the so-called truth by my mom, who was assimilated when she was 5 or 6. My dad was disfellowshipped early on in their marriage, but my mom chose to stay with him thinking he would change. I was abused by a non jw relative between the ages of 5 & 8 and have never told a soul until I got married 4 yrs ago. I had a difficult time making friends at the kh because of my mom's marriage, our family was always looked down upon, none of the jw kids my age weren't allowed over because of my dad. When I was 12 or 13 I started to develop my own brain and started questioning things at the kh. But seeing as my self esteem was already very low, I continued on listening to my mom and the borg because it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. At 14 & 15 I was constantly being critcized by the "elders" for my attire or associations, (the other jw kids would tell them I was hanging out with the "bad worldly kids" at school) my mom would never stand up for me, just criticize along side them. This is when I snapped. I started to pretend I was sick so I wouldn't have to go to the meetings or go out in service. I started drinking, smoking doing drugs, & sneaking out for the whole weekend (among other things ;) ) [You may be wondering where my dad was in all this, he was working away from home, coming home every weekend or every other weekend (we found out later he had several mistresses on the side)]
My mom, fed up with my bullsh*t kicked me out of the house at the age of 16 and I stayed with different people with whom I partied all the time. One of these people happened to be a guy 9 yrs older than me. So, I was also kicked out of school & I ended up living with this guy who physically & verbally abused me, and I was young and stupid enough to think it was me, & my fault, etc... Two and a half yrs later I am home alone (which didn't happen often),& I just left. I moved back in with my mom, and we continued to fight about the borg, and I left again after 8 months and moved in with my new boyfriend. This guy was great, did & said all the right things...then I found out from his sister in law that when he was 14 or so was caught in the middle of or about to have sex with his stepsister. At this point in my life I have just moved across the country, away from all of my family, and I find this out about the one person I trusted. I of course left him, got a place with a friend from work and tried to have a "normal" life. This when I had the big "party"(big party) phase in my life. It was during this phase that alot of childhood memories were starting to flood back in front of my eyes. The 2 started to feed off one another and the drinking and the drugs just got worse. At the tail end of this phase I got married, which I know probably wasn't the best time to get married. Around the same time, I started surfing the net and came across some ex jw sites and have been trying to get myself educated about the propaganda of the wts.
And that brings me to last spring where I found a new family, all with a common background. I just wanted to thank you all for being a part of my "therapy"( so to speak.) You all have no idea as to how you've helped me overcome many issues. For that I am eternally grateful, Thank You.
Dottie