Help me Out Here

by vinman 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • vinman

    I've been out about 9 months. And yes I am still obsessed with anti-Watchtower material. I feel like I'm living another life. I've been married 23 years. I have 4 children. One is out and married. I have 2 grandchildren. Life is not bad. But after leaving the organization, did you want to experience new things with your time but didn't know exactly what? I'm really having a hard time explaining what I mean. Being 45, I don't like to dwell on the past when the only thing that was important was pioneering. So much time and energy wasted. So many things I didn't do. I thought I didn't like certain things. Example: Motorcycles. When I was young I gave no thought to such things because the ministry was way to important. That cult messes up more than you think. But now I can only dream of that type of lifestyle. It just seems now that I have pent up desires but don't know what they are. I feel that I'm in a rut. I love my family. We do many things. But on a personal level, it seems I do more working and reading than anything. Am I crazy? Does anyone know what I'm trying to say?

  • LostGeneration

    I do. Its the pendulum swinging to the other side. We live an extreme lifestyle as a JW, and so when you get out you obsess about it so much - I think the mind has to basically feast on the opposite side, in my case it was almost two years. I remember asking myself is this all there is to my life now, being anti WT??

    Then it went away, but there was still a vacuum...that whole idea of "Who am I?" "What do I like to do?" "What are my interests?" Unfortunately for me that is still being worked out, even five years after stopping the obsessive reading.

    I'm a born in, no pre-cult personality as it were. It kind sucks, but at least I am free. Anything is better than going to meetings and in service and listening to that shit.

  • joe134cd
    Hey man I understand exactly where you're coming from. We are of similar age although I have been out for 2 years now, and we are both starting life from scratch. Look if your into motorbikes go a buy one. I've got one and it one of the most enjoyable things in my life. Just don't fall off it lol.
  • NVR2L8
    Vinmam, give yourself some time to figure out what you want to do. I have been out for 5 years and it took me over 2 years to smooth things out with my wife who is still active. I dedicated that time to work and to making new friends. I play hockey twice a week and ride a motorcycle with a neighbor who introduced me to many of his friends. I also started to reconnect with relatives who I had no time for when I was in the cult. Imagine their shock when I knock on their doors after not seeing them for 40 years. Still they greet me warmly and hold no grudge. I am approaching the retirement age and I plan to stay in touch with fellow workers who I have mentored professionally and they consider me as their father. On a few occasions I supported charity fund drives for cancer research, sick kids hospital and epilepsy where I made new acquaintances. Vinman, try new things and meet new people and you will find good and normal people like you.
  • Illuminated
    Try a bunch of new things. Explore, experiment and you'll find your way and a passion awakened.
  • possum

    Agree with Lostgeneration and reccomend that you have a look at.........

    Have 4 children married 27 yrs am still a little disoriented at times. Takes awhile to learn new skills learn new things? join a book group? and let go the fear its paralizing......remember there are alot of us survivors...... places like this forum are a good place to do some healthy venting and laughing

  • vinman

    I appreciate all your comments. It feels good to not be alone and have people that know exactly what you are going through. I too am a born in. For 40 years I was truly a Watchtower extemist. I guess I need to relax. Not go to extremes. It just feels like the Watchtower has introduced a mid-life crisis. And since my wife is still in (and will never leave), it makes it harder to do things. I can't just start doing all these new things suddenly. It would feel strange for my wife. I just feel limited due to my circumstances.

  • possum
    My husband left before me but remained a good, loyal and loving friend and he says would have still stayed had I remained firmly entrenched as a 3 rd gen witness. Being the spiritual head of the family didnt make my husband a better man. In reality the GB are the real dictators of the family and rule with an iron fist , Nice to have them out of our life and bedroom now. Leaving and becoming his own man did. Last I checked doesn't seem to be demonized (big fear) and we still have a good moral code and ethics.
  • vinman

    Possum: Being the spiritual head of the family didnt make my husband a better man.

    Interesting. I say that because for 12 years I was an elder. I always wanted to do what was right. But I was a Nazi when it came to getting to meetings early, going in service, study, etc. It was just too much for my wife. She seems far more relaxed now. But it is so true that we were a reflection of those 7 little jerks in New York. How did we ever believe that 7 men held the answers to the universe? I can't even comprehend that concept now.

  • possum
    Poor elders wives are often under so much pressure to set an example, be on time for field service, have their husbands suits perfectly clean, wait in the car after meetings with tired cranky kids when he's busy with spiritual matters must not complain and on it husband is now able to give his undivided attention to our children as a person..granted post cult a person still formulating ideas but still an authentic man.

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