Angry at first

by BeautifulMind 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • BeautifulMind

    So when my mom died in 2007 the main thing that kept me from losing it was that I knew I would see her again in the earthly paradise that I read and sang about in the jw publications. I honestly fully believed in it. We were best friends and it was devastaing to lose her.

    Upon finding out ttat, I no longer believe in the earthly paradise. It really felt like a gut punch at first when I realized I would not see her again. I was so angry that I even believed such nonsense. Anyway, I'm at peace now with her death and Im just glad she is not in pain anymore. Obviously I would rather her be alive, but Im learning to adjust to the fact I won't see her again. It still sucks though.

  • iwasblind

    Hi Beautiful Mind

    I am so sorry you have had that experience. I am not sure if you still believe but I still find comfort in the scriptures.

    It's a funny journey to reclaim your life and thought process back, I have had a lot of anger as I discover the lies we have been told but cannot fathom how you must feel. My prayers are with you - thank you for sharing.

  • Dumplin

    Hi B

    This whole exJW thing is a huge adjustment for all of us and takes strength to adapt and change. WT has really made a mess of things. Those on this site are unique and outsiders can't comprehend what it takes to come out of a cult. But now we found each other and I am grateful for the support. You seem to be a very genuine and loving person and you may not realize it but reading just this little post has helped me and I just know you will be an asset to others here as they learn to adjust too. I expect many, many JWs to leave WT in the very near future. They are all going to feel that gut punch and need someone to reach out to. I keep reading posts of young ones who feel trapped by WT and need our support to help them cope.

    I'm glad you were best friends w/ your Mom. I lost my Mom a few years ago too. But she's still inside my heart and I'm often surprised at how something will trigger a memory of her unconditional love for me (like when I read my grandkids the same stories that she read me as a boy). We will always have that and that comforts me to know. It sounds like your kids will always have that too.

    Wishing you well. Dumplin.

  • smiddy

    BeautifulMind ,

    You are not alone ,their are countless persons here who can relate to your feelings ,who have gone through similar experiences .

    Their are many people here who can be a support for you as you come to terms with learning the TATT , it takes time to come to grip with it.

    Don`t despair you will come out of it a stronger person ,hang in their, and don`t be afraid to send anybody a PM if you feel you need to .

    We are a support group.


  • The Searcher
    The Searcher
    Your feelings are truly understandable Beautiful Mind. You have a P.M.
  • stillin

    I always come back to "never say never." There are a lot of things that we simply don't know.

    In an infinite universe, anything is possible.

  • JWdaughter
    Stillin, I'm with you. We think we know a lot at various stages. Some of what we know is contradicted by reality, some by the humility of realizing we just don't have all the answers but what happens after we die is speculative on this side of life. So it's kind of an adventure, but reminds us to live and love while we can.
  • Daniel1555

    How nice that she was your best friend.

    Nobody knows for sure what happens after death. So maybe we will, maybe not, see our loved ones.

    Looking at near-death experiences gave me some hope.

  • Phizzy

    The pain of losing a loved one is hard to carry whether you believe or not. I have experienced this pain whilst still a believing JW, and since. In both situations, the grieving process seemed to run a similar course.

    The hurt gets easier to carry with time.

    Our loved ones do live on for sure, in our hearts.

  • brandnew

    Beautifulmind, thank you for sharing some of that beautiful mind with us.....alot of encouragement comes out of this forum.

    Thanks for sharing .

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