Getting the Urge!
Theburstbubble, once you have some time away to clear your mind and enjoy life among those who are not in a death cult you will brighten up. You'll find your own form of spirituality or perhaps none. Know that you are free to think, so do it! Read, watch documentaries and see what incredible things people have learned without the WT gnawing away at their intellect. I am loving this new PBS series that just started, "The Mystery of Matter". It is so informative and incredible how men have sleuthed out the elements that make up the world. Have fun thinking for yourself and enjoy your family!
Just the programming kicking in with guilt feelings if you don't obey. There's a reason they say don't miss meetings because when you do the programming starts to wear off. Soon you will find the urge to stay in your armchair more compelling.
When my Wife and I left...... lo these many years ago...... we left because we no longer had any confidence that the Society and JW was right about their blood doctrine. We were not going to put one another in jeopardy nor any child we had.
Once we crossed that divide and the murderous concept of an Armageddon there was no reason to remain a JW those were the threads that unraveled the entire thing.
It is a morally bankrupt religion that is reckless with the health and welfare of it's followers.
I am sorry, I never had the urge to return. I don't miss it a bit but everyone is different.
The programming runs deep, much deeper that we imagine.
After I found this website and did online research I knew I would never go back. Yet every time I broke a new rule, I'd feel immensely guilty, the kind of guilt that wakes you up at night. The first time I got drunk, the first time I smoked marijuana, the first time I had sex, each of those instances was followed by feelings of incredible guilt even though I no longer believed in the Witnesses. It was programming pure and simple and I knew it, but it didn't make the feelings any less real.
Eight years after I left the Witnesses I found myself on a business trip in a foreign country. We went to dinner and my boss wanted to order blood sausage. Even though it'd been eight years since I left the Witnesses an unsettling sense of panic came over me. After all that time the indoctrination was still there.
As others have mentioned, it gets better with time, but there's a very real re-wiring of the brain process that takes place at a physiological level that's simply part of unplugging from the Watchtower.
Best of luck to you.
yes i agree with all the above comments about WT indoctrination. It's chilling how people can have blind obedience to a man-made money-making organization which doesn’t care about individuals -- very scary.
You have an amazing brain, with the ability to decide for yourself what is right and wrong.
The “kool-aid” has already been distributed.
We've been drinking false teachings for years with dire results for many - some of the deadly ones being mentioned about. Every member in the congregation being unaware of active sexual predators is another.
But you are aware of this now. It is up to you to find a path that you can follow.
We have all felt that way. You have been conditioned to think the Watchtower is your only salvation and to fear leaving it. This fear is deep rooted, it doesn't automatically go away because you know intellectually it's nonsense. You have been attending meetings for years, and every meeting reinforced the idea that you are helpless without the Governing body to tell you what to think, do, and say. It will take time for your mind to adjust.
Check out howcultswork.com to get a quick overview of mind control.
Also, watch the movie The Truman Show.
Detox time is different for everyone.
For me I think the urge to go back and attend meetings was not as bad as the urge to defend them when someone was putting them down. I hated that feeling like I needed to defend them. I knew they had done so much wrong in my family but I couldn't take it when people put them in a bad light. It was a frustrating feeling of contradiction. Ray Franz's books finally cured me of that. It severed my cult brain mentality.
I do understand what you are saying. Incredibly, insanely, I feel bad for what I am doing. I was raised as a JW... so from childhood, I thought this was the only truth. I still suffer a most unreasonable guilt, I don't understand it. I am getting help in the strangest ways. One of them is this forum. I can read what I like, comment, make a post.....it's called being able to ask a question or share a thought.
I must sound like I am advertising for this site. I tell you. I joined over two years ago. I was terrified. I couldn't say anything, I was afraid of being attacked in some way. I'd had a nervous breakdown, for I had refused baptism at the last minute, so to speak.
I was really alone. I had a feeling I would die. I know that sounds extreme, but it's what happened to me as I was finding out that I was in the right.
Always feeling I did not do enough, forgive enough, work hard enough..........Oh, I'm ranting and will stop.
Allow some of the humour you will find here to seep in. It was due to some incredibly funny posts that I actually joined. I think at the time, it was some really whacky comment about the .........." loving provision from jehovah re the new ipads and apps, that would allow people to view pornography while at the meetings....". This hit me with such a huge sense of mirth, that I kept reading it, and reading it. I was actually laughing for the first time in a long time........This irreverence was a wicked little secret I carried for some time. It had this amazingly freeing effect for me. Life had been so difficult and here I was with people who knew the WT for what it was. It took the RC for me to reveal one of the reasons I had sought the forum out.
No. I don't want to hurt anyone. But I was hurting all the time.
I do urge you to stay. There are some really good debates, some awful arguments, then things get patched up. If someone is trolling and bringing people down for the sake of it.............they soon find out that they are in the wrong company....Put up with the varying characters here. Some of them are extremely well versed in bible doctrine, some are just hurt and angry.....Stay.