Wife Equates Having A Good Marriage With Being "Spiritual"

by JW_Rogue 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jwfacts
    She needs to meet happy families that are not JWs. The perception about worldly people is usually based on lack of experience.
  • LisaRose

    I would just respond to that by agreeing with her....to a point. Sometimes clearing the air and confirming her fears can be a start to moving the discussion beyond whether you are a zealous JW or not.

    For example you could say:

    "I feel you think that the only way we can have a good marriage is if I am being a zealous Jehovah's Witness. I am sorry, but I don't think I can be the zealous Jehovah's Witness you think you need me to be right now. I have to say I do have some issues with the Watchtower.

    But I do not have doubts about our marriage and I am committed to it and to being a good husband to you, just like the bible says husbands should be.The bible says that women should stay with their husbands, even if they are unbelievers, so that they may be won without a word. I am not an unbeliever, in that I do believe in Jesus (obviously only if you do), my only doubt is about some of the people in this organization, so I ask you to respect this advice from the bible, even if you find that hard to do, as I respect your right to believe in this man made organization.

    If you will love and trust me, then we can have a strong marriage even if we do not agree on some things. "

  • Lostwun

    JW-Rogue I can relate to your situation because I was just like your wife in how i dealt with my husband when we were dating and first married. I equated having a successful marriage only to having a spiritual head willing and zealous to take the lead in all aspects spiritually. I think I overburdened him with my desire for him to reach out and to always be on top of our family study. It's funny to see how the roles have reversed now that i am the one who is out of the cult and he is still in. lol

    anyways... In your situation

    Quite honestly this is something your wife has to come around to in her own head on getting over. Just continue showing her that you can be a good mate without all that WT crap they feed her mind with. If she sees that you will love her unconditionally and still treat her just as good then eventually she will settle down with all that overbearing jw stuff. It may take a long time but with patience and love and continued commitment to her, it can eventually lead to a change in her mindset.

  • Slave4_38y

    JW_Rogue, your wife is absolutely right. In order for ANY marriage to work, both people must be spiritual. My wife’s choice of spirit is gin and tonic and I'm running on whiskey on the rocks.

  • paradisebeauty
    give her some thrilling nights.(don't know if this is the correct English expression :), but I think it will calm her down.) :) :)
  • DesirousOfChange

    My wife tested me in so many different ways and treated me like shit every time I disappointed her with my lack of zeal for the cult. While it was rough for a while (and things are still very much up in the air in a lot of ways) it turns out that just being honest with her was the best thing and I wish I'd done it earlier. Your wife is probably scared. She knows something is going on and since you're not telling her she could very well be inventing stories in her head like mine was and that's likely making her very insecure and unsettled about your marriage and her future.

    OEJ is a good example of what many deal with once learning TTATT. I had the same fears when my doubts finally took real hold on my thinking.

    My experience is that it is best NOT TO TELL HER anything. It is better if you enlist her assistance in resolving your doubts and issues.Let her see the dilemma you are put into when attempting to be the "spiritual" person but are in constant internal conflict over "religious doctrine" and genuine "Bible doctrine" because they are NOT the same.

    The identifying mark of true Christianity was LOVE. There are so many ways that JWs fail in that respect on every level -- local and at the top.

    The blood doctrine has become so convoluted that no one could make any sense out of it. In the past, NO BLOOD. Be cautious as blood might be in margarine or dog food or immunizations or medications. You know how all those "worldly" doctors and trying to sneak it in on us. But NOW, a little blood here or there is OK. This fraction, that fraction, that immunoglobulin -- it's all OK.

    Let her provide the answers. Don't let her cop out and call the Elders. NO! It is each Christian's (Berean's) responsibility to personally prove it. Put the monkey on her back, by sincerely asking her to help "sort through it all".

    According to my wifey, she is now "on the same page" as me.

    Good luck,


    The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!

  • username
    Oh the three fold cord rears its ugly head groan!!!
  • My Name is of No Consequence
    My Name is of No Consequence

    @ JW_Rogue:

    I am in the same boat as you. I have written some posts about my situation. Check them out if you like.

  • JW_Rogue
    Thanks for all the advice guys I must say that she isn't on my case about what I should or shouldn't do. I just know that the mindset is there. Recently we have seen some couples break up and she'll say things like "we have to stay close to Jehovah". What does that have to do with anything?
  • DesirousOfChange

    she'll say things like "we have to stay close to Jehovah"

    It takes some time to make a clear distinction between "Jehovah" and "The bOrganization". They are NOT the same.


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