Your feelings are those of billions of fellow humans, even among those "devout" the faith is sythetic, forced by necessity. This is the result of 400 years of revelations that have made the concept of a beneficent Universal King manifestly outdated. Not just science but social and economic change have created a world wherein certainty is a liablity. Bible interpretors in an effort to defend it have reduced the book to symbolism and morally edifying literature. Others have discarded rational thought to preserve a measure of the "old time religion" of their ancestors. Frustration presides in debates rather than the peaceful resolution of faith.The modern skeptic does not wantonly reject belief as churchgoers assert. Our situaton is more serious , with the best of intentions we simply find ourselves not quite believing. It is into this void that humanism will eventually rise. It will not have the power to blind as religion of the past but it can unite in a sense of community. But for now know that there is nothing wrong with you and your approach has been admirable. Do not deny yourself the joy of learning. The advice to stop and smell the roses is of course healthy but stopping the education is not.The next step may be to ask the whys. Why does belief in gods not go away? why do people believe in angels, demons and UFOs even today? Why am I drawn to these concepts dispite my seeing nothing to recommend them? As a suggestion please read :How We Believe,the search for God in an age of reason by Michael Shermer. It and books of its kind provide valuable insight into the human mind. This is where much of your uncertainty will vanish. You can get it at the Skeptic Society web page in hardcover for $10.00. It will have anther price listed but it is on sale. I remember all too well your feelings, but be assured you can reach the light at the end of the tunnel as long as you keep moving forward. Best wishes.
Edited by - peacefulpete on 7 January 2003 10:42:40