venting: My wife is in cult mode again! she tried to start a fight..

by goingthruthemotions 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LisaRose

    I agree with Scully, you have win her over, you are in competition with the religion.

    We women are suckers for romance, use that fact. I will tell you the most romantic thing my husband ever told me. It's been years and I still remember it. We were being romantic, if you get my drift, and he stopped and looked deep into my eyes and said "I think you are beautiful, but I am making love to the woman you are on the inside".

    All is fair in love and war.

  • Sabin
    GTTM. I am trying to think back when I was fully involved & my hubby was fighting it all the way & I think there is a lot of pressure on women in the JDub`s. For instance they read that scripture, "won without a word". It`s almost like their saying if you cant get or keep your husband in then you are a bad wife. So you the wife have failed Jehovah. I know that sounds crazy but really thats the roll of the wife in the org isn't it. We had a big row about it one day my hubby went off the deep end shouting & swearing at me about all the hypocrisy going on, he was never gonna join & I was just broken. I felt that his feelings were a reflection on my not being a capable wife. Which I now know is crap. I remember talking to an older sister, She was so impressed by my comments concerning my husband, yes he is not perfect but I always praised him I never put him down. She said most sisters in an divided house hold have nothing but bad things to say. When you truly analysis this it`s simple, she has lost you to the world, worldlies are going to die, because they don't love Jah. & maybe that because she has failed. At least I bet if you listen to her words you will hear the anxiety of what others think, & it wont be kind. So she will run you down to counteract the unsaid opinions of others that she will be hearing in their looks. At least that is what I remember feeling even though at the time I couldn't see it. Hope this helps you to see it from her side. Sorry if I`ve totally missed the mark.
  • freemindfade
    I can relate all too well. Generally speaking my wife does try. But it's taken a while. And even still as hard as we both try the religion inevitably puts up a wall and things get awkward. Going for a long stretch now of things being just uncomfortable.
  • KateWild
    if a woman wants to leave the org....more than likely the man will to. if the man wants to leave the org...more than likely the marriage is over. - GTTM

    I know you feel from your perspective that this is the case, but I don't think it has anything to do with gender, I know of brothers that have left and brought their wives out with them and also sisters that have left and husbands still in or divorced like my relationship.

    It really does depend on the individuals...........some are free thinking and some are heavily indoctrinated. I am really sorry that your wife seems to be heavily indoctrinated and you have tried everything Steve Hassan recommends in his book.

    You have two options.........keep trying or accept she will never leave. Then you have to decide if you can live in a divided household.

    You can't keep going through the motions as it's stressing you out.

    Take care GTTM

    Kate xx

  • nugget

    If she has no friends in the organisation then who is she expecting to socialise with? Were her friendships historically your friends and she came along as your spouse or is she longing for an ideal you never had. JWs don't in general socialise extensively there are too many things to do. If you are not part of a clique then often social events are few and far between.

    It seems to me that she raises hell about you not attending because this makes the meetings difficult. When you go she is angry because you don't play the happy spiritual man. She has a template in her head of what a JW family should be like and you are not playing ball.

    Perhaps it may be time to set a baseline if you no longer wish to attend meetings then don't, tell your wife that you respect her and appreciate that she has the right to make her own choices regarding religion. If she wishes to attend meetings then she should go but for the moment you will not be accompanying her.

    If she wishes to socialise then perhaps she should make the first move and hold a small gathering for sisters whilst you are at work. Coffee and cake is all that is required after a service arrangement especially if the territory being worked is close by. Or perhaps she should start with family and invite family round for a weekend meal or barbeque. Passively waiting for invites sucks and leads to disappointment.

    If she continues to be unreasonable then it may be worth reassessing the situation but at least you will have tried a compromise.

  • Driving Force
    Driving Force


    I know what you are going through, I have the same problem. I have no advice for you, but I do feel the same emotions.

  • Oogie
    Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if I told him I wanted to leave the org, he'd divorce me pretty quick...

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