venting: My wife is in cult mode again! she tried to start a fight..

by goingthruthemotions 16 Replies latest jw experiences

  • goingthruthemotions

    so when i was at luch today, my wife was in full cult mode. she started in on me about us not being able to hang with other witnesses and when i go to the meetings with her that i don't talk with nobody nor pay attention and act angry. I told her that i don't want to fight and i have better things to do than argue.

    i told her that she gets into this religious mode and it distrupts the whole family environment. and that she becomes a different person.. she then said, when i got baptized i am a different person.

    i told her, i wish i had the wife i married back. she said she is gone.

    she has dissociative personality disorder....I truely dispise this cult...for taking my wife and my family.

    Sometimes i wonder if it would not be better to get a divorce.

  • blondie

    Was she diagnosed by a psychiatrist? It is hard on women in the WTS when their husband is no longer a good jw because their status is dependent on that. Single sisters, divorced/widowed sisters have no status and are not important...I know I was a single jw sister for 38 soon as I married and my husband was baptized and progressed up the WTS ladder, my status improved.

    Doesn't she have women friends that she can go shopping with, etc. It is not like jw married women are glued to their husband's side...just the opposite, the higher up hubbie gets, the less you see him or spend time with him.

    Try to love your family, especially your children, don't complain about their mother to them or about the WTS. It is likely that your wife would like the husband she had too.

  • goingthruthemotions

    HI Blondie, no she has not be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. she insists that she doesn't have a problem....but i see the personality change. i sometimes don't know who i am going to get in the morning. but more often than not lately it is the cult personality.

    she doesn't have friends in or out of the borg. it's not like i don't encourage her....but that is just the way she is. i do show our son's family love....but they see the fighting and what this cult has done to our family.

    it is very sad. but when she is not in cult mode we have a great relationship.

  • Oogie
    GTTM, my husband is the exact same way...
  • carla

    Are there activities you 2 do together that will bring out her authentic personality? A hobby you both enjoyed in years past? Something she really would like to do but darn if it ain't on a meeting night or fs day? Plan for those days when you can and see when she is willing to skip out. The less time spent with jw's the better.

    We have an unwritten/unspoken rule, we do not socialize with jw's or known jw apostates. Family, mutual non jw friends are all ok. We finally reached the point where it is absolutely pointless to discuss anything jw related and our home is much happier. No jw or so called apostate literature is ever lying about, the home is a neutral space. (I've never been one and he joined up quite a number of years ago now) We did not/do not know any jw's in our 'normal' life. I'm sure that makes it easier for us than when one mate leaves the borg. Wishing you peace.

  • goingthruthemotions

    Carla, thanks for the advice....right now there is nothing.

    I do appreciate the women on here who are open minded, free thinkers, reasonable......

    but, i do believe it is easier for a woman to hold the reigns in a relationship than a man.....meaning,

    if she says she doesn't want to go the meetings i am ok with it. if i say i don't want to go the meetings all hell breaks loose.

    if a woman wants to leave the org....more than likely the man will to. if the man wants to leave the org...more than likely the marriage is over.

  • ABibleStudent

    Hi goingthruthemotions, Your wife has a typical authentic persona and cult persona for a member of a high-control group. I doubt she has dissociative personality disorder per a clinical definition. If you want to learn more about communicating better with you wife, have you read any cult-exit counselors' works like Steven Hassan's book "Combating Cult Mind Control" with one "t" instead of two "t's", or watched his free videos on his website like .

    If you haven't I would recommend that you do before visiting an attorney about a divorce.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • SecretSlaveClass


    I was never a "sister" ;) but You're quite right. Even those who are not observant would notice the obvious social ladders prevalent in congregations. Great advice too.

  • sparrowdown

    I hate the way this religion inserts itself in relationships.

    She may wake up one day. Try to remain hopeful.

  • Scully

    Let's break it down: She is "in love" with Jehovah, and now, Jehovah is your rival for her affection.

    So what do you do when Ricky Suavé/Jehovah is luring your woman away from you??

    The answer to that depends on whether or not you feel the relationship is worth saving. If it is, then you have to win her back.

    When was the last time you brought home flowers for her?

    When was the last time you had a date night or a weekend away?

    Has she ever expressed an interest in doing some activity with you? Something like taking dancing lessons, going on a nature walk, taking a cooking class together; could be anything really. The point is, surprise her with something like that.

    Jehovah isn't going to do any of that for her. Jehovah makes promises that he ain't never gonna keep. Jehovah keeps asking her to do stuff for him, but he never makes good on his promises. He never surprises her with nice things. He's a fake.

    Start by doing something really sweet that she wouldn't normally expect - make breakfast for her tomorrow, complete with some flowers from the garden in a vase. If she wants to know why, just say something like "I understand how stressful this has been for you. I don't want to argue with you. I just want to be the best husband I can be." If she still wants to go to the Meeting™, tell her that you support her desire to do that. Would she like to go to the farmer's market after the Meeting™? Or for a walk around a museum? Or to a neat little café? Or just surprise her...

    It doesn't have to be expensive or a grand gesture... something simple like a trip to the beach or a nature walk. Just spend quality time together.

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