I was a 3rd generation witness on both sides of the family. Even my great-grandomthers were considered witnesses, but I don't know if they were baptized. My parents however were always considered weak and still are even though my mom has become more involved & for longer periods of time in the last 15 yrs. The older my sister & i became & we moved out of Dallas, it seemed we became more inactive. I'm sitting here now trying to remember a time when my dad went out in field service, or the last time I heard of him going out.. At this moment, I can remember only one time I ever went in service with my mom. Rarely did we have home bible studies. Or prepare for the watchtower study together. And we were always being critisized and judged because of it. Oh, we did attend a lot meetings, never missed an assembly, convention or memorial, always assisted in KH builds and were included in many cong social functions. but from a very early age i was told that just because mom & dad weren't doing anything, did not excuse me from studying, FS & everything else. I never really, truly felt accepted in the cong; I didn't fit in there and because of being a JW, sure as hell didn't fit in at school. When I married, my feelings of alienation became progressively worse, (yes, I know I contributed greatly in it). It then became full blown when my ex was DF 13 yrs ago. I also feel what I call "doctrinally" illiterate. Having spent 30+ yrs as a witness, it bothers me to say I just don't have the JW education I think I should have. But please don''t get me wrong, as an adult I could have changed that, but didn't. i accept that.
Ok, please bear with me as I try to get to the point of this topic: I've been reading many experiences of those who were JW raised in a very strict, active JW enviroment, either by both parents or just one. Dads were elders, moms pioneers & so forth. But so far, I haven't come across experiences from folks raised in a similar environment as mine. How did you feel? What kind of an influence did growing up that way have on you? Regardless of why you left, do you wish you were either all "out" or all "in"? How do you feel today?
I appreciate all responses & am grateful for those that share their thoughts & feelings.
much love, theresa