crisis of conscience

by mackey 10 Replies latest jw experiences

  • mackey

    I am not a jw but a very close friend of mine is.We are so close that I have told her that I want to marry her ( if she leaves the org). I have researched jw's quite a bit in recent months and have realized this book is probably my only chance at reaching her ( I also have isocf ). She has reluctantly agreed to read them because she trust's me. I have read 'coc' and see the org for what It is. I feel that she needs to know the real "truth" because she's only 24 and has her whole life ahead of her. I know I may sound like I'm doing this more for me but I care very much for her and I want her to be happy, which she isn't right now. I would greatly appreciate any support or suggestions anyone can offer.

  • NoMoreJW

    Sounds to me like you already know how to deal with it. The fact that shes agreed to read the book and trust you must mean something! Good luck although I doubt you need it :)

    Edited by - NoMoreJW on 4 January 2003 14:28:7

  • johnathanseagull

    Hi Mackey, welcome friend................if I may approach one avenue of thought, you say she's not happy, maybe she's already begining to see the error of the Watchtower Society, this sometimes can be very troublesome and traumatic in itself with regards to JW family etc and the possibilty of being shunned, disfellowshipped etc by the ones she loves. If this is the case, it's not going to be easy.....I firmly believe that some stay with the organisation purly because of the social frabic around them, to lose that would be akin to losing a limb. She needs to be taken slowly but surely, knowing that there are many out here who faced the same dilema at one time or another.........but we've all come throught it, some still suffer more than others, there are many here to give a helping hand. I wish you the very best in your efforts, and do know that we are all here should she need to talk to us, Please keep us posted

    J Gull

  • Utopian_Raindrops

    I have to say Macky 1st, that I hope you are realy doing this for her. If she was brought up as a JW she will loose everything in her life. Not only friends but, FAMILY. Mother, father,...etc.

    Now if she wasn't raised in"The Truth"tm Then PLEASE, PLEASE ,PLEASE for God sake no matter what your motvies do this thing!!

    I so wish someone had shown me The Truth of The Troof when I was a young woman! The pain and suffering I went through and my youth lost for lies.

    I have worldly fam and we go over all the differances it would have made for me to not be a JW.My life would have been so much better and The Quailty of life too!

    So anyway....think it over and if it really will help her goly...Go For It!

    Best wishes,



  • Gerard

    In addition to those books, you may want to explore thoroughly

    I recomend yo print several articles by Randall Watters and share them with her, starting with the psychology section: and between many other great articles.

  • mackey

    You guys are a lot more supportive than the last board I was on. Here are a few more details on my situation. She was baptized when she was 15. Her parents are jw's, but her three sisters are not. I hope I can also help her parents, but all of my focus is on her now. She told me if she had any doubts about being a jw, she would'nt do it. Like many jw's, she has devoted her entire life to serving jehovah and reading this book could have some very negative impact on her. But I love her and I have no intention of turning my back on her. I know in my heart I'm doing the right thing.

  • Utopian_Raindrops


    If her Non-JW sister, will be there for her, as well as you. If they will be her friends and true family as I have said before.PLEASE, tell her everything FACTUAL and easily provable you can. Little by little.

    If you need help in wording e-mail me and I will help you.

    The JW life is THE WORST thing for a woman. It can only be good for her id she becomes and Elders wife. Even then most elders wives become selfish out for themselves people. So Id say that is a worse fate then her leaving NOW. As you have said she has her WHOLE life ahead of her. This life will be ruined for her if she remains JW.

    She may feel odd not having the preaching work anymore.

    If she is worried of serving God try to find an outlet for her.

    For instance even before I was a JW (I am an odd bird) I would share the bible with people and what I knew of it. She can do this anytime she is moved to.

    Last night there was a young woman walking home late at night. I saw her and picked her up. As I was in Mommy mode I scolded her a bit about being such a young girl out at night walking in the cold winter air.

    She told me her story and how her car broke down in the morning. She had gotten a ride from her sister to work but, had no ride home. I didnt get lengthy or preachy but, I let her know that God had provided for her. Short simple and sweet.

    So what if I didnt have an Org to direct her too! God is there right in front of you always.

    As much as it is nice to have a place to go it is not always necessary.

    Maybe the 2 of you could find a place to worship God together.

    I hope you are successful in helping your love.

    Please, believe me my life was wasted as a JW.

    Although, I believe a person can have knew beginnings at any age.

    I would have liked to been aloud to be a young confident successful in life and love young woman.

    Instead because of doctrine I was forced to remain in an abusive marriage, Trapped from the World. Isolated from real life and unable to breath. My children have suffered greatly and I times I was helplessly forced to watch.

    Keep us posted on your progress.

    I for one will be praying for you both.

    Kind Regards, U_R

  • ugg

    oh my,,,,this is definately no small task,,,,macky,,,,it is said that love is blind...try to totally understand what will happen to her,,,and...all the things she will lose...the emotional impack will be much tougher than you could ever of luck....

  • Gizmo

    She told me if she had any doubts about being a jw, she would'nt do it.

    Mackey, if she doesn't have any doubts about being a JW, why is she persuing a relationship with you? I'm a little confused...don't push her too hard my friend, it will eventually work against a relationship, give her space, and allow her to decide for herself, this is a MUCH bigger decision for her to make than you may ever fully understand, not having been a witness yourself.

    After she reads COC maybe she will have a better idea what the Org, has done, the coverups etc. Print out other material found on the web, like Gerard suggested, BUT don't PUSH, the harder you push the harder she may resist, and you don't want a relationship beginning with regrets. The other thing is, maybe she has the idea in her head that she can convert you?

    Hypothetical: What if she does leave the org, then after you marry, and after she gets dissed, she decides she wants to return, then what will you do?

    Think about the scenarios, ask her, be honest with each other, that's the only way a relationship between couples can work. And don't forget when she makes your relationship known to her parents, (presuming they don't already know) they will give her much grief. Anyway hope things work out for you.and her.

    Good luck

  • mackey

    Believe me guys, I have thought long and hard about the problems that could occur from me going on with this. Things could turn out really well for us or it could turn out very badly. I try to focus on the good because she knows I love her and I am here for her no matter what. The fact that I'm not a witness and she still has enough trust in me to be honest with me must mean something. One of things I've noticed is the total lack of love in her life, so much so that she really does'nt know what it means to love someone. She has such a feeling of worthlessness about herself. She blames herself for everything and feels she does'nt deserve to be cared about ( very common traits among jw's ). I feel I'm making progress with her and am trying to take it slowly because I don't want to scare her away. If i can only find a way to get her to trust herself I know things will turn out allright. Thanks for the links, I'll be sure to use them. I hope our relationship progresses to the point where I can show her this site because It could be a very valueable resource for both of us.

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