On the Lighter Side...

by apostrate 9 Replies latest social humour

  • apostrate

    Why are there no Jehovah's witnesses in heaven?

    Because God and Saint Peter are behind the gates saying, "Sssshhhhhh! pretend we are not in!!"

  • apostrate

    My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

    He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

  • apostrate

    "It's those Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on the door again," said my wife.

    "Oh well," I sighed. "I suppose it IS time I let them out of the cellar."

  • apostrate

    A Jehovah's Witness told me a joke the other day.

    'Knock knock' he said.

    I slowly crouched behind the sofa and pretended I wasn't there.

  • apostrate

    "As a doctor, I find religious zealots sickening. I had to let a 12 year old die because his parents are Seventh Day Adventists who don't believe in blood transfusions.", I complained to my friend.

    "Isn't it Jehovah's Witnesses who don't allow blood transfusions?" he asked.

    "Oh shit!"

  • talesin

    Q: Are you one of Jehovah's Witnesses?

    A: Hey, buddy, I never even saw the accident!


    Saint Peter was giving a tour of Heaven to a group of new arrivals, where each denomination had their own large room. As they would pass the rooms, he would identify the groups, such as "These are the Baptists and they are having a church supper" or "This is the Catholic area, and they are playing Bingo."

    One room had a closed door and a large sign that read "Do Not Disturb!". As they passed this room, Saint Peter put forefinger to lips, and said "Quiet, please! These are the Jehovah's Witnesses - they think they are the only ones up here!"


    that's my supply of very OLD JW jokes.


  • OnTheWayOut
    There are Jehovah's Witnesses in Heaven. God doesn't even care what religion you are, he just rewards good people with everlasting bliss. He keeps them in private sections of Heaven with no more than 144,000 people in each section, unaware of the other sections, because they are not ready to handle the real truth and their bliss depends on their thinking they were right to waste their lives in that cult.
  • Dumplin

    A little JW boy goes to his mom one day and asks, "Why do JWs hide pedophiles?"

    His mother whacks him on the butt and says, "that's what apostates say! Go tell your Daddy what you just said!"

    The boy goes into the living room and asks, "Why do JWs hide pedophiles, Papa?"

    His Daddy smacks him on the back of the head and says, "Boy, that's what apostates say! Now you go tell your grandma what you just said!"

    "Gramma, why do JWs hide pedophiles?"
    She slaps his face and says "You sound just like an apostate" and sends him back to his mom.

    His mother says "Well...did you learn somethig from all this?"

    The boy shakes his head and says, "I guess I did. I've only been an apostate for 5 minutes and I already hate you JWs!"

  • GodZoo
    A Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door and asked if I'd like to let Jesus into my home.

    "Jesus can come in" I said, "but you can $!%! off."
  • GodZoo
    A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

    The man says, "Church of England."

    St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

    Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"


    "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

    A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"


    "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

    The next man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"

    St. Peter tells him, "The Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, they think they're the only ones here."

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