Having One Of Those "Pondering Disassociation" Days :(

by freemindfade 31 Replies latest jw experiences

  • SecretSlaveClass

    Steve2:7 minutes ago

    Everyone who comes to realize TTATT has one thing on their side that JWs believe they themselves don't have: time.

    Great point Steve, I had never considered that.

  • freemindfade

    Just had an epiphany, my large, uber dub family is a cult within a cult.

    So they sustain this thing on two levels. wow..

  • StrongHaiku
    freemindfade - Just had an epiphany, my large, uber dub family is a cult within a cult.

    So they sustain this thing on two levels. wow..

    I totally get what you are saying. My family is structured in a similar way as well. My mother is anointed and has been holding control of (and court over) all of the rest of the family for over 30 years. A cult within a cult...A bubble inside a bubble...

  • flipper

    FREEMINDFADE- I know how you feel as I'm somewhat in a similar position- but not exactly. My wife is a non-JW , which makes it much easier than you being married to a JW - hearing this drivel daily.

    However- that being said - what helps me is to NOT look at all of my JW family the same way. Let me explain. For the " older " generation Jw's in my family ( my parents , older siblings ) I pretty much know they are never going to change- they are all in their late 60's and beyond - but for my two JW daughters still in their late 20's who are still going through changes in life ahead of them ( they just are too young to realize they will go through changes of many kinds ) - I try to stay non-DFed so that I can eventually be able to assist them to see TTATT. If I were to DA or get DFed - they are indoctrinated enough to where they would NOT feel they could listen to me as they are told to REALLY shun us then. So I'd be cutting off my nose to spite my face ( if you get my drift ) .

    With your situation ( what I know of it anyway ) by staying non-DFed you still have your wife's ear as she OFFICIALLY is told she doesn't have to shun your advice. She still may change someday.Once you DA or get DFed- all bets are off- no matter WHAT she may tell you. If she's a pioneer- believe me- she's still mind controlled to the nth degree in what he WT Society tells her to do- so you'd be making it tougher to live with her- in my opinion if you DAed or got DFed. And you keep her hearing ear in order to help her see TTATT if and when she decides to do so.

    One option you might consider in order to make it easier on yourself if you plan on staying with current JW wife is to TOTALLY stop attending meetings. It would at least be a couple of days a week where you won't have that mind control psycho babble WT bullshit creeping into your mind - so you'll be able to clear YOUR head up more. Just an opinion my friend. Anyway- I know you'll do what you feel is best in your situation- just know that we are here for you to vent, O.K. ? Take care buddy, Peace out, Unca Flip.

  • dubstepped
    FMF: Just had an epiphany, my large, uber dub family is a cult within a cult.
    So they sustain this thing on two levels. wow..

    An excellent observation. Sadly, often the uber dub family is the much more stringent and dysfunctional cult than even the organization. Nobody will turn their backs on you faster than family, at least in my experience.

  • freemindfade
    Uncle flipper! Always with the excellent advice. And you are right. I am already scaling back meetings to a few a month. The problem with that is if I don't go we don't do anything with our jw friends. So I can go do something with "wordly" friends but if I never keep that going it's like the wife has no friends. It's a sad situation that I put on myself for some reason. But still, I am reducing the meeting attendance. It's also hard to see my family that won't speak to me interacting with her on IG like nothing ever happened. Joking etc while I am treated as though I don't exists. That really seems to get to me. To me that makes me feel further and further from her actually. Oh the twisted stupidity of a cult, what can you do. Thank you uncle flipper.
  • getanewplanstan
    Don't DA! Your letter will only be read by at most 2 elders. Then it may not be read completely! They will see from the first paragraph where this is going, skip down to the last paragraph, see that you want to DA and that will be it! It won't be read to or made available to the other elders and the only point made will be, "another person did not guard themselves from apostates". The CO will not read it. The other elders will hear the announcement and there will be no curiosity about why. Either you are living an unchristian life or the apostates got to you. JUST FADE! And get on with your life!
  • Vidiot

    freemindfade - "I don't want to play by their rules."

    Officially DAing definitely qualifies.


    IMO, rules that are specifically crafted to prevent anyone but the rule-setter from winning don't count.

  • Tornintwo

    I can relate to the 'embarrassment of being a part of this cult' , I have something which helps with this that doesn't involve disassociating. I am now openly admitting to non witness family and friends that I am no longer in agreement with some of the teachings and Im not really a JW anymore, they inevitably ask why you don't walk away completely? and the answer is 'if I do that or admit how I feel then none of them will be able to talk to me again' to which the answer is 'no way?, unbelievable!' and they see even more how wrong the religion is. It feels good to openly acknowledge my distance from the faith now, like rejoining the human race, and I do so safely knowing that none of these people are in touch with any witnesses I know.

    my marriage is now in absolute crisis, I just can't support my husbands controlling, over zealous application of JW rules in our family anymore, he's lost any semblance of submission from me (I've put up with way too much crap over the years already) so I've no idea if the marriage will survive, but I'm hanging in there going to a few meetings for my teenage daughter..... It's tough but if it's for someone you really care about you can manage a couple of hours once a fortnight, at least it's not a 10 Hour+ a week commitment with a side order of guilt anymore!

    Sympathies from one 'divided home' to another x

  • KillerJones

    The way I saw it, I made a public declaration when I joined. It takes the same to leave. I was surprised how I grew once the 'severance' was final. Trust me...you will make new friends, and those who would rather support a cult?...you don't want them anyway.

    However, the wife being a pioneer makes it difficult. Perhaps this bold stand would be just the thing to wake her up as well. By fading, she is lkely still holding onto hope you will return....

    Just my two cents.

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