Hi all, I finally got back from my psuedo-holiday (most of which was spent on my bed reading books, very relaxing!). During my pseudo-holiday, a certain friend of mine badgered me endlessly to go with her to a Midnight Mass at our local branch of the Anglican Type Christian Society. At least, that's what I think they're called. So, badgered, I agreed, and off we went.
This church was not very large. In fact, the resemblance to a Kingdom Hall was disturbing. However, the giant silver cross on the wall sort-of discounted any similiarities between this modestly appointed brick building and the last Hall I ever saw. Plus, there were giant felt angel things on the walls, which is a big no-no for a Hall, unless you want to get your ass disfellowshipped or something!
After having renounced all forms of religion ever since Proplog2's prediction that Armageddon would start on the 20th of December 2002 failed to be realized, I had vowed never again to pay any attention to Bible-spouting Fundamentalists. (Technically, Yours Truly is also a Bible-spouting Fundamentalist, although of a different sort. Kind of fight fire with fire sort of thing, if you get my drift...besides, I only spout the really funny bits of the Bible!) My heart and soul were eternally shattered when I was not devoured by small, rabid green budgies on the 21st of December, but I finally made it to this Anglican Type place purely by dint of doing a favour for a friend, who had no-one to go with her.
Now, said friend knows SYN quite well, and also knows that SYN is not a True Christian, well, not anymore (hehe). But, SYN promised to be quiet, upon pain of death by small, rabid, brightly coloured Australian birds (said friend has one of these lethal budgies in a cage at her home, which makes SYN terribly fearful for his sinful life), so SYN just sat quietly at the back of the church (out of sheer habit), and listened to the sermon.
As usual in all places of "worship", I was not allowed to ask questions during the service. Damn! Could have had some REAL fun if I'd been allowed to do that! *snark*
Unlike an average Meeting at a Hall, this meeting almost seemed slightly more interactive. By interactive, I mean that we got up and sat down a lot more. Roughly once every 30 seconds, in fact. I did that thing where I move my lips to the words of the music without actually singing, and I did it flawlessly (having had almost decades of experience doing it!), until my friend pinched me and told me to sing louder. Argh. This was when the "fun" started...
Other than the somewhat annoying singing of carols (half of which I knew, oddly enough), everything seemed to be on the level. The real fun only started when people began to "partake" of the body of Christ. The priest (a FEMALE PRIEST! shocking!!!!!!) began to bob up and down in front of a small saucer filled with bits of dried bread, almost causing Yours Truly to stand up and clap, but restraint was called for, so I sat and smiled, all the time hoping I could avoid the grape juice. My friend told me it was not wine, only grape juice, in case there were people who were from Alcoholics Anonymous there who might just be tipped over the edge by a sip of wine (I'm serious).
Well, at least religious people haven't lost their contorted sense of logic, that's for sure.
And then, before I knew it, people were lining up and "partaking", on foot, a very dynamic sort of partaking. Oh, there was another bit where everyone had to stand up and shake hands with everyone else. This presented some difficulty due to the exponential number of handshakes that would have been required, but Yours Truly neatly avoided this particularly hairy mathematical conundrum by quietly slipping out of the back of the Church, using Stealthy Slipping Out Of Church Techniques perfected during his Dub career. I was truly a master of slithering out of the back of Kingdom Halls when the approach of an Elder worried about my "progress" was imminent, and so this did not pose a problem. After moonwalking back into my chair (this is difficult, but rewarding if done right) to the astonishment of all the fervent handshakers who had seemed destined to engage their paws with mine, the service resumed.
Several prayers were said by the priest (I still can't get over the fact that she was a woman. My gHod!) and then we left. Simple. At the door, we had to give the little promotional brochures back, which was odd, and rather embarassing for me, as I'd folded mine 16 times, but the guy at the door seemed to appreciate the challenge of straightening it out.
Anybody else have any interesting Christmas "experiences"?
Best regards,
[SYN], Newly Unholidayed Class!