i relate to you gil because sometimes i get like this, in fact after 13 years you kind of become a hermit, and if your congregation was like mine, no social life nothing zero zilch zip or whatever you call it.
I think we had a farewell for a young sister and her worldly non beleiving husband and that was the only social thing in 13 years unless of course you were either in the elder click or had lots of money and a nice house then youd be invited to their little clicky social do's as we call them here.
but u know im a very very outgoing person, but because of what they teach us about association i more or less spent 13 years alone in my house with my kids, it becomes like a fortress a safe place, my house became my safe place and I spent alot of time there, I think i even built up invisible barriers around my property u know...
so many times i was told off for associating with even my bible students that i became very paranoid and they gave me that paranoia and it got a tad worse after what they did to me too.
I think since i stopped going to the meetings my house has become even more of a safe place because inside my gates i cant bang into anyone from my congregation, so i really only go out to work or to do grocery shopping, being in a small town too u know i hate the thought of banging into them,but for years i had to stay lonely because the only time i saw the witnesses was at meetings or on service i swear thats all.
and even then they couldnt really be bothered with me, and im one of the most outgoing friendly persons i know LOL
but u know i think years of conditioning about worldlys and bad association and in the end u start to see everyone as being either physically dangerous to you or spiritually dangerous. so you isolate yourself.
but when that tie with them (org)is broken like it has been said, you get this new freedom but you stay inside your comfort zone because of what you have been taught, and gil i know what you mean because i have felt like you some times i think it is perfectly normal considering what we have been through the wind has been blowing the trees this way for x number of years it takes time to come right...
you hang in there and if you ever need anyone to talk to you can e mail me
huggsss
love nelly