Living together before marriage=promiscuous?

by Witch Child 26 Replies latest watchtower scandals

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  beckyboop

  Nope--living together before marriage does NOT equal promiscuity, as the dictionary will prove. Living together is a choice we can make to get to know someone better. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work very well for many others (as evidenced by the those who have posted their stories)--including myself.

  I married as a witness and therefore didn't have the "option" of living with him beforehand. If I had, I'd have realized that he was gay. We were married for 8 years and did finally divorce. Fortunately, we still have a great relationship after divorce and I know that I needed to be married to him to get out of the borg. There aren't too many who can be THAT patient with me....

  In my opinion (for ME), living together gives you the day in and day out 24/7 view of the other person (similar to having children vs. babysitting children). And although you CAN get to know someone very well through visits, calls, letters, emails etc.; there are some things you NEVER know unless you live with them. And if the other person has habits etc. that you simply cannot tolerate, you're up sh** creek if you're married when you figure that out.

  Don't get me wrong--I realize that there are others whose past experiences or current belief system does not allow them to feel comfortable with living with someone before marriage. Thankfully, it sounds like most of us realize and respect the differing viewpoints and situations of others. I only know what worked and what didn't for ME--and I love sharing my experience as well as reading others'.

  Becky
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  GentlyFeral

  While reading this thread, I began recalling the old saw that people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce after they marry. Finally tracked down some thoughtful analysis:

  http://www.unmarried.org/experts.html#lasting

  Basically people who are opposed to "living together" are also opposed to divorce on principle; it doesn't mean that marriages that start without "rehearsal" are happier.

  GentlyFeral
• 

  Realist

  Witch Child,

  if one listens to the media reports etc. one could get the impression that there are not too many faithful woman out there.

  GentlyFeral,

  exactly what i think...only religious fanatics get married without living together before...and of course they don't get a divorce even if the marriage is horrible.

  Edited by - realist on 20 December 2002 8:52:57
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  Witch Child

  Hi Realist, I'm not following you on the media reports thing...? Have I missed some sort of sad epidemic? :)
• 

  Realist

  hello witch child,

  for instance look at the number of man whose child is not really their own.

  From The Times, January 23rd, 2000 (note, "Women are driven by primitive urges to seek the optimum genes for their children", and "the tendency for women to shop around for the best genes" - and compare this to the message from Mary Stopes below):

  One in seven fathers 'not the real parent'

  Lois Rogers, Medical Correspondent

  AT LEAST one in 10 children was not sired by the man who believes he is their father, according to scientists in paternity testing laboratories.

  Some laboratories have reported the level of "unexpected" paternity to be as high as one in seven when they perform DNA genetic tests on blood samples from supposed parent and offspring.

  NYTIMES

  In Genetic Testing for Paternity, Law Often Lags Behind Science

  By TAMAR LEWIN

  These days, though, genetic testing has made determining paternity simple, even routine. According to the American Association of Blood Banks, 280,000 paternity tests were conducted in 1999, three times as many as a decade earlier. And in 28 percent of the tests, the man tested was found not to be the father.
• 

  joannadandy

  only religious fanatics get married without living 
  				
  together before

  Ummm, there are other reasons besides religion to not move in together 

  before marriage. I am not a fanatic by any means, well at least not about

   religion, but I am opposed to it as far as I am concerned. 

  I don't care what anyone else does, but for me I am not interested in

  moving in with someone I am not married to.

  Please try not to make such sweeping generalizations, there will always be

   someone who does not fit the bill, and you do yourself and your arguement

  a diservice by making such broad comments.
• 

  Realist

  Hello Joanna,

  sorry for that!

  why don'T you want to move intogether before marriage?