Mean or just obedient

Debz

Was thinking bout Xmas and all just recently when I wondered if anyone has had my experience of `meanness`..we all know that Xmas, Birthdays and Easter are outta bounds for JW`s and when my parents started to study (when I was 8) we were told that although Xmas`s etc would`nt be the same it would be made up for during the year - guess what it never was!

Now being english folks and all I know they can be inclined to be a bit sparing on the pennies BUT hell are they mean....NO way known do they go outta their way to give anyone a gift for anything! I don`t think this is a good way to live for anyone - it teaches people to be mean hearted and is not a sign of love...I think! Not that I think you should `buy` people either BUT...what message does it give people especially children.....As a young child I did have Xmas etc (before I was 8 at least)...Boy was it hard taking that all away like that!

And what about the comment it is better to give than to recieve!

Anyone else share this experience?

Utopian_Raindrops

Debz......when the children and I decided to become JW we had no idea that thier Father would use this as a way to NOT have to spend any extras on his family!!

All gift giving he used to do STOP! Dead cold.

It was the meanist,cruelest thing to do to children! No partys....no gifts....no little surprises!

I would do what I could but, the oddest person helped with this situation a bit.

My "worldly"mother would make little tea partys and buy surprises etc.

She was always commenting on our lack of merriment to thier father but still he remainded cold hearted.

now we are making our own way of course.....and he is no longer my husband so if I choose to spend money on surprises...etc.....there is no one to yell at me!

Happy to be a gift giving mommy!!

Agape,

Utopian_Raindrops

Debz

Thanks Utopian for your comments .....I now find I LOVE spending and bestowing gifts on my children / grandchildren AND my view of money is quite different to my folks...in that I believe should be enjoyed while we`re here ........not hoarded (and in my view isn`t that a `materialistic` attitude to hoard possessions / money etc....) In my view I want to enjoy life and share in that to my children....

Beck_Melbourne

I must say I envy you Debz...I never had a single xmas being a third generation dubbie kid. I was born into a family that never celebrated xmas and it was the norm...I never knew any other way. My parents used to try and compensate by taking us out for dinner on their wedding anniversary...and we would sometimes get gifts throughout the year...not that often I might add. I don't ever remember getting a wrapped gift with all the pretty bows and ribbons etc that often....although my mother has always been generous with my kids and has always bought them presents. The idea of wrapping things up and surprising us never crossed our mother's mind....she's much too lazy for that....but she has expressed some kindness over the years.

I am making up for a lot of lost years now though....I do it more for me than for the kids....there's so much I never had or experienced and I want my kids to have some of the normal things in life.

~Beck~

Debz

Hell...Beck no Xmas`s at all when you were little.....mmmm glad you make up for it..and glad that we have both learnt to be generous towards our own children ......Lets Celebrate!!!

refiners fire

I still have difficulty getting into the spirit of Christmas.

I get a bit teary eyed looking at the tree and the lights (see those Satanic propaganda symbols CAN affect you,lol) for some reason, but i have real difficulty with the presents and cards thing. I rebel against the notion of giving presents saying "its just a commercial selling ploy". Part of my dub understanding of Christmas, so that attitude has stuck. I still have it.

Actually my dear sweet mother came for tea last night (arranged without my knowledge) and said that she wanted my email address so she could give it to Jeffrey Leech. Of course I wanted to know who Jeffrey Leech was. She said he was a cousin, lost contact with 40 years ago, in the move to Auzz and the becoming Witnesses thing. I wasnt interested in contact from the guy. What this means is, I have trouble with family connections too. Family doesnt mean what it should mean . I dont feel the ties that bind normal folk. Ive got brothers that I never see. Cousins who call me and I never call them.I just dont feel the family connections, they were broken years ago in dub ville. Whats the point of contact now thirty years later??

Apologies Debz if I got off track.

Utopian_Raindrops

refiners fire,

I am suposed to be running out the door....but still could not help responding to you dear sweet man.

I have read many of your posts and your a wonderful,caring,individual. You realy feel for those you come in contact with.

Thing is as JW's were socially stunted! I have all the feelings you do! Everyone! and I am a Latina! We are about family....it is everything.(Other then God)

Some how though I am distant from all mu Umpteen relatives....I have over 150 cousins,and aunts and uncles....you'd think I could get into the swing of things! But no....they were worldly.....and for 15 years I held them at bay.....as you did yours for 30 years.

Please, beat those men at The WTBS and meet your cousin!!! Go out with family....enjoy God's gift to you.

Note I am saying this when I am having these troubles too. But I am trying to get myself totake my kids to visit one of my cousins in the city. She has called me on and off for the 15 years I have tried to shut her out........we have some children the same age. It would be so WONDERFUL for my kids to have cousins again!

Maybe you missed out on the running wild with your cousins but, you can go have a pint

e-mail me if you like and we can talk....people who have these same feelings to over come need to stick together and hold each other's hand

for you refiner.....

Agape,

Utopian Raindrops

Edited by - Utopian_Raindrops on 18 December 2002 13:41:22

NoMoreJW

After leaving the JW`s we soon returned to celebrating xmases and birthdays as best we could but by that time our two children were in their mid to late teens and preferred to be out with their mates, partying, going to the cinema etc. Although they appeared happy and grateful I always sensed "something" was still missing. Well, come my sons 16th birthday I bought him a big birthday cake with lots of candles and presented it to him whilst our little family sang Happy Birthday to him. What did he do? I was expecting him to say "Dont be daft Dad, Im 16" or words to that effect. Instead he just sat there, tears welling in his eyes, absolutely speechless. This big strapping lad, a hard young man more used to taking knocks on the football field and larking around with his mates, now glued to the spot, was soaking up the moment, seemingly forever. Those couple of minutes were priceless. He had never had a birthday cake but boy did he appreciate that token of our love. It was like all 16 birthdays rolled into one.

I`m glad we did that, it made me feel in a small way that we had "caught up" with some of the happy times that the JWs deprived us of.

Mike.

heathen

I have noticed that they seem to think that all they have to do is give to brooklyn .When it comes to giving and sharing amongst themselves they are petty and cheezeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

refiners fire

....refiners fire, ....but still could not help responding to you dear sweet man..... I have read many of your posts and your a wonderful,caring,individual....... You realy feel for those you come in contact with.....

Sniff, yeah I know Utopian, Its a Pity Im so misunderstood, but thats my lot in life. You see the REAL me. So I guess that makes you very observant, as well as a real nice lady. Thanks for your words of support and caring .

Agape Refiner

Mean or just obedient

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